Bad Reputation
by therunawaycullen
Summary: Best friends Bella and Alice move to Canada to pursue their dreams. What happens when bitter Bella stumbles across her favourite actor Edward Cullen? Will Bella be able to see Edward for who he really is? And not what the media potrays him to be? AU-Huma
1. Mild Child

**Hey all you rockin readers! Thanks for taking the time to read my f*ck awesome story. I'm going to start updating here, but I do recommend coming over to the other side and creating an account with Twilighted. Over there is where it is all happening. I would appreciate all the reviews I can get! Vote for this story at the shimmer awards! .com**

**I don't own Twilight. I disclaim**

**BPOV**

Today was the start of a new life - a new journey. As skeptical as I was with anyone who told me everything was going to be just fine, I found myself hoping that it would. All I needed were my smokes, leather jacket, my iPhone, and well, Alice. I really didn't give a fuck about anybody except for my dad Charlie, my mom Renee, and my best friend Alice. She was the only person who "got" me. I had told Alice I wanted to pursue a career in acting and she was the only one who didn't scoff, laugh, roll her eyes, or tell me the odds of making it were slim. Only I knew my fucking odds, nobody else did. I had made that pretty clear when I bitched out a chick at my old job Newton's one day for sputtering any morsel of her opinion. She was infantile and she didn't fucking matter.

Ever heard that saying "I love to do what people say I cannot do?" That's true, but I prefer to say, "I'm going to do it because you don't fucking think I can." And the fact was that I truly felt acting was the only thing I knew how to do. I knew deep down inside I would eventually make it. It was almost drowned out with doubt and insecurity, of course, but I would make it nonetheless. I would be the first celebrity _not_ full of themselves. Who didn't flaunt off their Dolce and Gabana sunglasses, their Coach purse, and their twelve million dollar paychecks. It was out of style; actually, it was never_ in_ style. Instead, I would flaunt around my torn skinny jeans, converse, band T-shirts, and my wayfarer Ray Bans. Yeah, that was way cooler.

It had taken me a while to believe I actually wanted this. I had been in denial for most part of my career choice. When I told my mom that I was moving to Canada with Alice, she had given me the speech on how she thought I was making that wrong choice. About how I should really think about it, and that there are more "professional" jobs out there that would last, that I was an introvert, and too shy to go out there and act._ Thanks, mom!_ Not only did I want to grow and evolve into somebody new, I just wanted to finally be myself. I wasn't outgoing and spontaneous as Alice was. I _was_ a closet introvert (that part I couldn't argue with Renee) and I liked to suffer in silence. Over the years I lived in Forks, WA, I had made some friends, yes, but I also made a lot of enemies. I looked back at all the people I had encountered and I cringe at over half of them. I often wondered and asked myself what the fuck I was thinking. I'd encountered pathological liars, losers, assholes, the old your-so-boring-I-want to-scratch-my-eyes-out type people, nerds, complete bitches. The list goes on and on. I didn't have time to go through the whole list; I had a fucking plane to catch. Though, through my infantile encounters, I had met some pretty amazing people. My friends, who were my foundation and defined who I was, were the ones I would continue to waste my time on.

I packed the rest of my things in my suitcase, put my leather coat on, and threw my backpack over my shoulder. I grabbed the handle of my luggage and took one last look around my room. Though I couldn't wait to be in my _own_ room in my _own_ apartment, I would miss this piece of shit that had been my room - my solace away from the ever-prying eye of my overprotective parents. "Goodbye, shitty room." I sighed and gave out a small smile while I remembered some of my memories in this house. They were now just a part of my memory, not my reality, and I loved it. I titled my luggage and pulled it out of the room, closing my bedroom door behind me. I fought with my belongings all the way down the stairs, the suitcase banging each step on the way down. "Don't help me or anything! I'm good!"

"Oh, honey, here, let me help you," Renee offered.

"No, Mom, it's cool. I got it. I'm already down here. Where's Dad?"

"He went to move things around in the car for your…" she trailed off, wiping the pathetic tears off her face.

"Mom, please. I'm only going to be one hour away. Really, everything is going to be fine. I'll have Alice."

Before I knew it, I had both Renee's hands tightly gripping the sides of my face, kissing my cheeks and forehead. "Fuck, Mom, stop."

"Don't swear, Bella! You are my only child and you're leaving me!" she cried. Wiping her face and pushing her hand through her hair, she collected herself. "Bella, be in the kitchen in five minutes, your breakfast will be ready."

"Mom, I can get something at the air-"

I was interrupted by another one of Renee's sobs, and I turned around and left her to it, walking towards the front door.

"You will eat breakfast here in five minutes. I don't give a damn what you have to say about it!" Ah, Renee, trying to be stern while she was an emotional wreck. I internally laughed.

"Really, Mom? You're going to be rude to your daughter in the last half-an-hour you have with her until Christmas?" Guilt tripping Renee was too easy. I was pro at giving guilt trips; I could own the whole fucking travel agency. Renee humored me by crying again, stating she was going to put extra chocolate chips in my pancakes. She was too easy. Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother, but the idea of me moving to Canada caused her physical pain. I was slightly concerned for her health at this point. Dumb, loving Renee.

I finally made my way outside and walked to my truck, taking in her vintage beauty for one last time. I was going to miss my old beat up excuse of transportation. I ran my finger across her rusted exterior, and took a look at the interior. The cigarette holes I burned through the seat, the shitty quality of the speakers; the stench of tobacco, evergreen deodorizer, and mint.

"Hey, kid. Why don't you just bring your baby with you?" Charlie called.

I snapped out of my stupor and looked over at Charlie. "What? No, I can't." I shook my head. "I want to start fresh." Charlie quirked his eyebrow and rolled his eyes. "Don't roll your eyes, Dad. You wouldn't understand…I just wanna start fresh, that's as simple as I can put it. Be a new person, discover new things." I glanced over at Charlie, noticing him trying to stifle the laugh that was threatening to come out of his mouth.

"Uh huh. Anyway, while you think of ways to be a new person, put your luggage in the trunk and meet us inside for breakfast. Your mother thinks her world is ending today, so you know, be easy on her, Bells." I raised my hands in mock defeat and turned around, walking towards the house. "That's what I thought," he said.

I had the urge to give him the finger, but I knew it wouldn't go well. I couldn't wait to arrive at Sea-Tac Airport. It's not that my parents were bad to live with, they just pried, asked me where I'm going every time I left the house, harassed me about my judgments I made for my future, and harped on me for my smoking habits. Whatever possessed me to leave? I grabbed my luggage, hauled it out to the car and fought with it, trying to get it in the trunk. I let out a sigh and dusted off my hands. Yeah, I was smelling freedom and now I was dying to taste it. I needed to finally get hell out of this life sucking dump people loved to call Forks.

I was finally at Sea-Tac Airport with Alice by my side and we were on our way through security. I could still feel Renee's open mouthed kiss imprints all over my fucking face and her extra chocolate chipped pancakes beating up my stomach. I knew that was a bad choice of food, considering I was going to be sitting on a plane for a god awful three hours.

"Bella! This is so exciting!" Alice squealed.

"Yeah," I answered mechanically.

"Uh, don't tell me you're having second thoughts about this, Bella. I'll kill you!"

"Calm the fuck down, Alice. I'm not having second thoughts. My stomach is my enemy right now."

"Ah, pancakes. I don't know why the hell you ate those to begin with." Alice gave me a confused looked before she kissed her plane ticket and threw her baggage on the belt.

I watched how happy Alice was and I wished I could have her enthusiasm. But I did wish my spirits were a bit more heightened. I knew my time in Vancouver was going to be unforgettable, but there was something lurking around me, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I don't know if it was because I was second guessing myself, or if I just needed a Camel Light in my mouth. I needed something.

"Miss, take off your jacket and place your bag on the belt. If you have any electronic devices on you, place them in the plastic container as well," the security officer rudely demanded.

I quirked my eyebrow up at him and tossed my bag on the belt, resulting in a quirked eyebrow back at me. I took off my jacket and placed it beside the bag.

"Any electronic devises on you, Miss?"

"No, it's in the bag."

"Miss, as I stated, you have to take the electronics out of the bag and place them in the plastic container," he said flatly as he took hold of the plastic container and shook it a bit. Acting as if I didn't know what it was.

"Jesus, you don't have to be so rude," I answered back.

"Miss, if you wish to pass security, I suggest you do as you're told."

I shook my head in annoyance and clicked my tongue. "All right, there ya go! My electronics in the _plastic container_."

"Thank you." He looked at me and smiled victoriously. Jerk.

"Bella, please don't cause problems," Alice pleaded as we walked away from security and towards our gate.

"What do you mean 'problems,' Alice?" I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. I don't need the security officer to haul your ass off to, well, security! We need to get to fucking Vancouver, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you stop this from happening." She took her wallet out of her purse and looked back up at me, smiling. "Now, I'm going to get a coffee before we get on the plane. You want one?"

I looked at her stunned. "Alice, I am so proud of you." Really, I was. She was a complete bitch and that was a proud moment for me.

"Uh, why?" she questioned.

"Uh, because you just told me off and it was fuckawesome! I am very proud of you. Soon enough you'll have your bitch personality perfected."

"Jesus Christ, Bella." She shook her head and laughed. "One milk, one sweetener. Right?"

"Yeah. Look, I'll just meet you at the gate?"

"Sure." Alice gave me her carry-on and sauntered off towards the Starbucks kiosk.

Finally, we were seated on the plane – eleven rows away from each other. Of course things wouldn't work out for us. Of course fucking not! I wanted to call up American Airlines and tell them they did a fucked up job on our ticket sales.

"Excuse me! I specifically stated I wanted to have two seats beside each other," I bitched to the flight attendant.

"I understand, Miss, but-"

"No, I don't think you understand," I looked at her name tag before I went on, "Lucy. 'Cause if you did, my friend would be sitting beside me in row seven and not the window seat of row fucking eighteen!"

"Okay…Please just calm down." Calm down? Things weren't going my way, and I could feel my blood start to boil, hearing the ring in my ears. Nothing pissed me off more than something not going as planned. As what was _stated_ on my itinerary. "I know the seat beside you is empty, but we still have some passengers to board the plane. How about we wait until everybody is seated, and if a passenger is not assigned to the seat beside you, we can move your friend up here. How does that sound?"

"Not good enough, but I guess we have to wait for the late passengers!"

"Miss, they're not late."

"Whatever." I kicked up my knees, pressed them against the seat in front of me, and took out my iPod. I blasted _Cigarettes, Wedding Bands _by Band of Horses in my ears. They at least understood and made life more bearable. I closed my eyes and lost myself into the song.

I was rudely interrupted by a hard tap on my shoulder. I ripped out my left headphone and glared up, seeing Alice smiling at me. "Hey! We get to sit beside each other now! Move your knees." I brought down my legs and let Alice squeeze by, plunking her boney ass on the seat next to mine. "You were a bitch to the flight attendant, Bella."

"Well, Alice, you would think because we spent over one hundred dollars for this fucking ticket that we would get what we asked for. Am I wrong?"

"No, but you could have been nicer. You're cursing like a sailor."

"Shut up, Alice. I don't need your 'be saved by Jesus, good Samaritan' crap!"

Alice laughed at my mood swing. "Oh, Bella, you need a smoke. You're just getting nasty." She took a book out of her purse and turned to the page she left off at.

"No, I don't! And I am not." I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at the T.V screen in front of me. I knew I wasn't looking at her, but she rolled her eyes. I could tell.

We heard the pilot start to talk through the speakers, telling us what to do incase our flight crashed. I could simplify the five minute long message in five seconds. "Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye."

"Also, please hang tight, folks. We have a technically difficulty and there is going to be a slight delay in the flight. Sorry for the inconvenience," the fucking pilot informed us.

"For _fuck_ sake!"

"Man, Bella, I don't know what is up with you. When was the last time you had a cigarette? You're bitch scale is gonna explode!" Alice laughed, and patted my shoulder.

I growled at her and told her to shove it up her ass. "Miss," I called to the flight attendant. "How long is this 'technical difficulty' going take? We have plans in Vancouver."

"A lot of passengers have plans in Vancouver, Miss. I just got informed it can take anywhere from one to two hours for the plane to be up to par."

I heard Alice choke on her coffee because she knew what was to come. Fuck my life. I needed a Camel Light in my mouth ASAP.


	2. People Who Hate People

**BPOV**

We finally arrived at Vancouver International Airport and gathered our luggage, waiting for Alice's friend Mike to arrive. Alice and Devin had met through a friend back in Forks six years ago, hooked up once, and have been talking ever since. When she had told him we were moving to Vancouver he was apparently really excited, and he started making plans with us. I'd never met him before, but from what Alice had told me, he sounded like a pretty decent guy. He had talked to her almost every night for the last couple months and had agreed to pick us up from the airport and drive us to our new place.

"He seems really cranky," Alice said, pulling her luggage through the exit doors of the airport.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, throwing my backpack over my shoulder and struggling with my luggage.

"I just got a text from him saying he was waiting outside."

"And that's supposed to mean he's cranky? How so?" As soon as we got out of the airport, I put my Ray Bans on and lit a Camel Light. "Fuck, this is the life! Finally a cigarette!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, I know it's hard to tell one's tone from a text, but he's being very short."

I exhaled the smoke from my cigarette, enjoying the release of my endorphins. "Well, maybe he's just tired. I'm sure he wouldn't go out of his way to pick us up if he was upset with you, Alice."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Man, I can't wait to see him! It has been so long. I'm kinda nervous."

"Don't be. Just think; you get to have sex any time you want now. I think that's a pretty good deal."

"You have such a dirty mind, Bella, but it's true." Alice stuck her tongue out at me, but she soon froze when she looked past my shoulder. "Devin!"

I turned around to officially see what the fuck this guy looked like, and I guess he wasn't too bad. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes; a baby face…the list goes on. He looked like a normal guy who probably did really well in school yet was a sucker for women, obeying their every command. Okay, I'm not going to lie, he looked like a pansy. He looked like a loser. I shook my head and grinned at my bitch ways.

"I've missed you so much! It's so good to finally touch you," Alice squealed. I scowled and let out an annoyed sigh, turning back to see Alice in his arms, hugging him.

I was slightly amused, however, when her underwear was popping out the top of her jeans. _Nice leopard print underwear, Alice. Real classy, _I thought. As I stood there struggling awkwardly with my fucking luggage, I let out a loud, impatient cough.

Alice threw a look over her shoulder and smiled. "Devin, this is my best friend Bella!" Alice said, while she slid off of him and left his embrace.

"Hey, Bella. Alice has told me so much about you," he said, stretching out his hand to shake mine.

I ignored his gesture."I certainly hope not. So, which car is yours?" I looked over at Alice and she had a pleading look on her face, probably internally begging me to be nicer to her fuck buddy. I rolled my eyes, but thankfully it went unnoticed behind my Wayfarer Ray Bans.

"Ah, it's just the van over here." He waved his hand, motioning for us to follow him. After a long struggle, and no help with my luggage, we finally made it to his car…er…van.

"You have a van? This is like out of the fucking 80's," I stated, putting my luggage into the back.

"Well, it's my parents' van," Devin clarified.

"The van is fine." Alice patted his forearm, glaring at me with her lips pursed. "Don't worry about Bella, Devin. She's just having a bad day and hasn't had enough nicotine," Alice told him, scowling at me as she swatted his ass.

I scoffed. "For fuck sake, give me a break and save that until you're in your _own_ room."

After about an hour of mumbled conversation and vomit – inducing PDA, we were officially lost. "Do you even know where the fuck you're going, Devin?" I asked him, annoyed. "I thought you knew your way around. We have been driving around forever – I have to piss, and I'm starving. Oh, and we are supposed to meet the landlord at five, and well, it's 4:50 now." I brushed my hand through my hair in frustration, holding in my urge to punch the back of the seat.

"Just let me stop and look at the map," he suggested, pulling over to the side of the road.

"'Just let me stop and look at the map'you know what? You're a tool!" I tried to open the van's sliding door, but it wouldn't fucking open. "Can you open the door? I need a smoke." Suddenly, the door started squeaking and moving so slowly. It reminded me of those crappy carts you sit in on one of those lame-ass haunted house rides. It squeaked, jerked, and took forever to finish. "What the fuck, man?"

"Sorry…it's an old van," Devin explained.

"Bella, be nice! You're being incredibly rude," Alice demanded, glaring at me with her small brown eyes.

In a way I did feel bad for giving poor Devin a spoonful of my bitchiness, but the fucker deserved it nonetheless. I was tired of travelling and I just wanted my own space. I wanted to relax and not have to be around people who required me to put a show on for them. I wanted to walk into the furnished apartment that I have been waiting three months to finally see with my own two eyes. It was a basement suite, and it was in a great area…so we were told.

I pulled out my cellphone and started to dial our landlord's number to say we were going to be late, when I heard Devin and Alice giggling. I whipped my heard around to see them playing around. "Hey!" I called. "Instead of finding the directions into Alice's fucking pants, how about finding the ones to our place, jack-"

"Hello?" Carol, our landlord answered.

"Hi, um, this is Bella Swan."

"Oh, yes, Bella! How was your flight? Did everything go smoothly for you?"

"Um…just about. Look, we're kind of lost, so we're going to be a bit late."

After finally getting directions from Carol, we were now parked in front of our new place. It wasn't exactly what I expected, being that we had never received photos of the outside, but it would work. I only needed a place to stay for acting school, and having a furnished place, I couldn't complain.

About an hour later Carol had finished giving us a tour of our new place and we signed our lease. Once everybody had left except for Devin, we were on our way to the local grocery store. I hadn't eaten since Renee had made those extra-chocolatley chocolate chip pancakes and I was starving. I hadn't planned my move very well, and it only left me with a few bucks to tide me over. I did have some money in my savings account, but that was for acting school and "opportunities" that came after. Though some people may be shocked, and wouldn't believe me, I was mature about one thing. And that was having a job before I boarded the plane back in Seattle. I was starting my shitty job at the 'Coffee House' on Monday. Nora, the boss from the diner, gave me a great reference, and I pretty much had the job. Great...can't wait. All sarcasm intended, by the way.

That shitty waitressing job back at the diner in Forks hadn't been all that great, but I knew my shit. The owner's knew my dad and had known me since I was four, so they let a lot of thing slide. I was my own boss and I didn't have to wear a uniform. Now that I thought on it, that job wasn't so bad. Sweet- ass tips and free cobbler.

After we came back from the grocery store I put my groceries away and headed for my room. I opened my suitcase and the smell of home came pouring out. I picked up my FHS sweatshirt and sniffed it. A pang of sadness melted my heart, but I pushed it away before it could eat me up. I couldn't miss home; it was my first night here. I shook my head and laughed at myself when the next thing I took out of my suitcase was my folded-up 'Pulp Fiction' poster. That movie was the shit. Quentin Tarantino was a film God. Whoever could write, direct, and act in their own movies deserved to be worshipped.

"Bye, Devin, I'll see you later!" Alice chimed, snapping me back into reality. She stopped in front of my door and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What?" I asked snottily, placing the poster on my bed.

"Bella! You were incredibly rude! He's scared of you." She threw her hands up in frustration, walking into my room and plunking her ass on my bed. "I wanted you to like him, but I guess you're not going to…are you."

I sighed. Alice was going all soft on me, so I had to straighten her out. "Look, Alice, you know that I don't get along well with people."

"I've noticed."

"Don't get all snarky on me. I just don't like sitting in a rusty, stinky, dog hair infested van with a guy who doesn't know where he's going…"

"He got lost, Bella," she interrupted. "It's normal. I know he lives in Vancouver, but he doesn't scout the area. We didn't give him the address until we arrived. You could have been a little more understanding. I mean, he did drive all the way out here to drive us to our place. He didn't have to."

I was a bitch, and yes, I could have been a bit more understanding, but I would never come out and say that. Yes, I could get over my bitter attitude and smarten up, but I wasn't going to. It wasn't me, and I was tired of changing myself for other people.

"Look, I'm sorry all right?" I shrugged my shoulders and put more clothes into my dresser.

"Do you mean it? Wait, don't answer that. I think I'd rather drown in denial on this one."

"Sounds like a plan." I turned to face her and was met with a sad expression. "Alice?"

"Do you like him, Bella?"

"Oh, fuck. Alice, he's fine. You don't need my acceptance on this, you know that right?"

"I know, but having my best friend accept the guy I like is a huge thing for me," she stated, walking out of my room.

"Alice!" I called. I hated what I was about to do because I don't fall for other people. I don't pretend to feel what I don't to make others happy. But somehow, Alice was worth all that.

"What?" I heard her call back in the distance.

"He's fine. I approve." I cringed at my own admittance, but knew it made Alice happy to hear it. I heard her scurried footsteps and her squeals. Soon enough, I was attacked by Alice's embrace.

"Thank you so much, Bella. You have no idea how much this means to me. Our life here in Vancouver is going to be so much fun. I can feel it." She finally freed me from her freakishly strong hug, and looked around my room. "I can't believe we are finally here. A year, Bella, a year we have been waiting for this."

"I know." I brushed my hand through my hair and shook my head at the realization of my new reality. I had moved out of my country to Vancouver, Canada, to pursue a career in acting. Fuck. It's so surreal.

"Bella!" I heard Alice call from the living room. I hadn't noticed when she left. I closed my eyes and opened them, focusing back on my surroundings.

"What, Alice," I deadpanned, walking into the living room to see what her excitement was about.

"I just turned on the news. Guess who the fuck is going to be in Vancouver this summer."

"Who, Alice?" I said, in mock excitement.

She rolled her eyes at my act, but immediately perked back up. "Edward Cullen!"

A secret part of me wanted to jump up and down and squeal along with Alice, but I would never allow myself to become one of those girls. I liked Edward Cullen, not because he was famous, or because he was beautiful, he was good at what he did – acting. Even though deep down I hoped that one day I would be able to shoot a film with him, I never made it my dream. I never made it seep through to my reality, making it something I strove for. Even though seeing him in all those interviews, trying to convince everybody that he just fell into acting and that he was just a normal, down-to-earth guy, I found myself reluctant to believe it. He was just too beautiful and too talented that something about him had to be fucked up. I'm not going to blame his "fucked up" status on _The Haunted Airman._

Edward Cullen was what everybody wanted. He made it known that die-hard fans weren't his favorite people. He made it known that he loved acting for all the same reasons I did, and fame wasn't one of the them. He was a musician, funny, genuine, and intellectual. Edward Cullen seemed just too good to be true. Deep down he had to be like every other celebrity – high-maintenance, snobby, and completely selfish.

"Cool," was all I said. Walking back into the kitchen, I grabbed myself a beer from the fridge and took a long pull. After I felt the cool, frothy liquid glide down my throat, I chuckled and shook my head.

"Edward fucking Cullen shooting in Vancouver," I repeated to myself.


	3. FINE

**Chapter Three- F.I.N.E (Fine. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional)**

**BPOV**

I smacked my alarm off when it screeched at an ungodly hour – five fucking A.M. I started my first shift at the Coffee House today – humph. I really just wanted to roll over and tell the world to fuck off and fall back asleep, but I needed money. I begrudgingly made my way down to the kitchen and opened up a can of Diet Coke and lit a smoke, making my way on to the balcony. Yes, it was all part of a nutritious breakfast. It would be even better if I had my pop tart.

As I smoked my cigarette on the balcony, I thought about how at every job I had my boss would complain that I had a bad attitude, needed to smile, and show more dedication. More dedication? I had fucking showed up at 5 A.M. and sold their nasty-ass coffee and food. How more dedicated could I have been? This wasn't my fucking career – it was my job. Every time a trainer or manager harped on me about how our "customers were important" or "the difference started with me" or "we care about quality product and the satisfaction of our customers," I wanted to puke. FUCK THAT. Shove the dedication mission up your ass.

I wanted to go to work, do my job, and leave. I didn't go to make friends or put on a show for anybody. I was here for myself; I was here to do the only thing I knew how – acting.

After I finished my smoke and chugged back the rest of my Diet Coke, I went to wake Alice up. I knocked on her door, and I was told off in a croaked mumble.

"You fuck off. Get up, we need to go to work." I jiggled her door knob, threatening to come in.

"I don't want to go," Alice complained.

I opened the door, and my eyes almost fell out of their sockets. "Alice, we just moved in here three days ago, and your room is disgusting. I can't even see your floor. You haven't even unpacked! What the fuck, man!" I have never seen anything like it – not like this. I knew I was guilty of leaving socks scattered on the floor, a pair of jeans, some magazines…you know, but this. This was…I have no word for it.

"It's not your problem, Bella. Get out!" Yeah, Alice wasn't a morning person.

"What the hell is your problem? Why are you so cranky?"

"I'm sorry, Bella," Alice apologized, sitting up. "Devin kept text messaging me last night. He won't leave me alone."

"Leave you alone? I thought you liked him? Where did this come from all of a sudden?"

"I thought I liked him, too. I mean, I think I liked the idea of him more." Alice pushed her hand through her hair. "When he came over the other night he was _so _touchy-feely."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"It's embarrassing. I've told him I don't like extreme amounts of PDA. He was tickling me right in front of you."

"Yeah, I saw that." I internally rolled my eyes at the situation. I had tried my best to stay focused on _Adventureland _that night, so I didn't turn to him and tell him off. "But I thought you liked him, though. I mean, you hounded him when he came to pick us up from the airport. You swooned over him, kissed him, touched him…" Alice put her hand up to stop me from talking.

"I get it. I really did like him. We talked all the time, but now that I'm here…I don't know. Last night he texted me twenty times, Bella. Even on Facebook he bugs me. I log on and all of the sudden he's messaging me. At first I thought it was endearing, I felt wanted, but now I just feel like I have no escape. It's a turn off. I've told him I'm not ready for a relationship right now, but he doesn't seem to get it." She got up and grabbed some clothes off her floor, shaking her head in confusion.

"First of all," I started. "Why do you still have Facebook? It's so lame and intrusive. Second, just be blunt with him. For example: Devin, I don't want anything to do with you, so fuck off."

"I wouldn't say that to him, Bella."

"Well, I think you have to. He's not getting it any other way. I told you the guy was a pansy. Just send him a text, and tell him to leave you alone."

"I guess you're right," Alice said, giving me a small smile.

"I'm always right, Alice. You know that."

"Ha-ha. Very funny, Bella," Alice said sarcastically.

"C'mon let's get going. I wanna get this fucking day over with."

Luckily, we chose a place to work that was close to home. It was about a twenty minute walk. Once we reached the outside of our new job, we looked at each other, both with frowns.

"I'm tempted to ditch, Al. Let's go home," I suggested. I knew by the look on her face she agreed, but her morals and ethics were much stronger than mine.

"You don't know how freaking good that sounds right now, but we need rent money." A pause. "God, this sucks. This really fucking blows."

"I hear ya. Let's just fucking go in and get this over with. Then, we can go home and read, listen to music, do shit that's not…_this."_

"Okay, sounds like a plan." We gave each other a nod and walked inside. I scanned the employees, and I could tell by their perky tits, swinging blonde pony tails, and fake-ass smiles that they were complete bitches. They probably had their fucking customer expectation bar so fucking high, that nobody would be able to reach it. I knew, at that moment, I was definitely going to be standing up this job.

"Hi there! How can I help you girls?" Blonde chick number two asked me with her train track mouth. Pink and blue rubber elastics? I had those colors in grade six. What a loser.

"We we're supposed to be starting our new jobs today, the barista position," I told her.

"Oh, yes, that's right. Well, come on around back, and we will get you your uniforms!"

I looked at Alice and quirked my eyebrow at her, and she urged me to go ahead. "I hate you, Alice," I whispered.

"I love you, too, Bell. Now go!"

We walked to the back and got handed our cute little black t-shirts and aprons that stated the obvious – Coffee House. I glanced around the back and saw equipment I didn't even know existed, along with the glares of other employees. They gave us a look that said, "Who the fuck are you? This is my territory, and I'm so much better than you," The look _I _gave back said, "Bitch, please. You make coffee for a living. You're no better than us. We all wipe our ass and it all stinks."

"I'm going to set you up with a few videos to watch, and then we'll get started with the training! How does that sound, ladies!" Maria, the manager, asked us.

"Sounds great!" Alice chimed. What a phony.

"Where's the room to watch the videos?" I asked.

"Well, since this is a small store, we don't have much space." She walked over to the corner of the stock room and we followed. "This is our crew room." It wasn't a room at all; it was a dent in the wall. "You can put your bags in the lockers provided. We are not responsible for any lost or stolen goods, so be sure to bring a lock. Now that that's all covered, I'll place the video in and you're all set. Be sure to listen because you'll be quizzed!"

Fuck off. "Okay, thanks. So, we just come get you when we're done, then?"

"Yes. I'll be in my office," Maria replied and walked away.

I turned and looked at Alice. "You do realize this is one big, fat, fucking joke, right?"

Alice replied, "Yeah, and it's not funny."

Finally, we had one hour left of our dragged-out eight hour shift and we were cleaning the blenders and stocking up the mixes. I didn't know about Alice, but for my whole shift I was asking myself why. Why did I not have a better job? Why was my boss a PG version of Hitler? Why were the employees so anal about procedures? Why did I even apply here? Why is it that everybody in this town, who I have met, I classify as pansies? Just…why?

While I tried to come up with some answers, and while I tried to think of where Edward fucking Cullen might be in Vancouver right now, Alice pulled me out of reverie.

"Belly?"

"What? And don't call me that. It sounds gross," I snapped back, filling up another container with chocolate powder.

"I was just thinking. What if Edward came in here with some crew people to get coffee?" That was the funny thing about Alice and me, we almost always thought about the same things. Though, I wasn't thinking about him coming in here, because he deserved better fucking coffee.

But before I could answer her, I was interrupted by a customer. Yeah, interrupted. "Excuse me, could I get some cinnamon put on my latte, please?"

Inwardly growling at the bitch, I sprinkled some cinnamon on her fucking latte. "There you go. Anything else?" I said, in mock excitement.

"No, that's perfect. Thank you!"

"Yeah." I turned back to face Alice. "What were you saying?"

"I said what if Edward came in here with some crew people to get coffee?"

I laughed. "Alice, I highly doubt Edward would come into the Coffee House. The guy has money and he would do what all celebrities do – go to Starbucks. It's way better than this shit."

"Not necessarily. When I was looking at photos of him on the set of Old Moon, he was holding a Tim Horton's coffee. Now that place is as low as you can go."

Alice did make a point. Tim Horton's coffee was crap. It was watered down and had THC in it. The donuts weren't freshly baked; they were brought to the back door frozen in a huge garbage bag. "I guess you're right, but I still don't think so. I mean, he wouldn't come in here with crew people, it would drag too much attention. Plus, I'm sure they have people to do coffee runs, or better yet, they have coffee already on set."

"I guess so, but I've seen photos of them walking around Downtown by themselves with Starbucks."

"Alice, honestly, who cares? If they want to drink crappy House Coffee or too expensive mud coffee from Starbucks, just let them. I personally don't think Edward would come in here for coffee." I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head at her absurdity sometimes.

"You don't need to be a bitch; I was just trying to start conversation to get my mind off this fucking crappy job."

"I know." I shook my head and closed my eyes. I wasn't frustrated with Alice; I was frustrated with this stupid job. "I'm sorry. I just wanna get out of here already."

"I know how you feel. It's okay."

"Cool."

"So what would you do if he came in here?" I looked over at Alice and scowled at her for continuing. She put her arms up in mock surrender and laughed.

"I don't know. Chances are he would probably have some tacky disguise on, so we wouldn't know it's him. You have to realize, Alice, this guy is known everywhere. They guy can't fart without somebody catching him." I smirked at my own comment. It was so true. "That being said, I wouldn't care if he came in here to get coffee. If he is who he claims to be, he's just some 'normal guy' getting coffee. Who cared if he was in a few movies and was considered _Times _hottest man of the year?"

"Just think, one day I'll be famous. Do you see it being a big deal for me to go get a coffee somewhere?"

Alice thought for a moment before she replied. "Yeah, I can see your point. I wouldn't see the big deal at all. I mean, it's just you." She nodded in agreement.

I scoffed at her last comment. "Anyway, see? So no big deal."

"No big deal," she repeated. "What a beautiful man."

"What a beautiful man," I repeated back to her.

"Ladies! There is a huge line up! Remember the rules: Stop, drop, and serve!" Was she fucking serious? "You have to remember that the customer comes first. Bella, you hop on register. Alice, you tandem, meaning you make the drinks."

We both nodded in understanding, and when she turned around, we both gave each other a look that said, "Oh no she fucking didn't". I hopped on till and called the next customer. "Hi, can I help who's next?" _Stupid, fucking losers who have nothing better to do than get coffee. Ugh, I HATE this place. I hate it. I fucking hate it. I repulse it. It's low-life. I'm better than this job. Breath, Bella, just breathe. _ "Will that be everything for you today, sir?"

"Uh, yeah. That's everything," the customer replied.

"$4.25, please."

"Here you go and keep the change."

"But, sir, this is a twenty dollar bill," I stated, looking up at the man wearing a hood and had the same Ray Bans I did. I was shocked at his gesture. Practically a fifteen dollar tip!

"I know it's a twenty dollar bill." He smirked and took his coffee from Alice. "Thank you, ladies," he said, and walked out of the store.

As I punched out from my shift and put my fifteen dollar tip in my jeans pocket, I couldn't help but think that his smirk was awfully familiar.

I just couldn't put my finger on it.


	4. Torture Me

A.N: Thanks for checking out my story. I disclaim! I find it hard to update here, so they come few and far between. Twilighted is much easier for me. You can follow Tawxil and I on twitter kaylacullentawx.

I disclaim

Chapter Four – Torture Me.

**BPOV**

About a month had passed since we arrived in Vancouver. We had some pretty fucked up nights, but to say the least, I loved living here. Alice and I hit a few bars and got so drunk that we couldn't even remember our fucking names, that was our plan and we succeeded. The only thing that had brought me down about my whole situation was my fucking job. It tainted what soul I had left and my life in Vancouver. I just couldn't wrap my head around how these people blew so many things out of proportion. They had screamed at me because I placed food on a plate that was supposed to be in a to-go bad. Like, chill out, bitch. We were talking donuts here, not missiles.

I shook my head to take work and the entire regime of employees out of it. I focused on my amazefuck week I had ahead of me. I had signed up and paid for my first level acting classes. It was in the heart of downtown, and I couldn't fucking wait to scope out the area. It felt like I could breathe properly, that I had finally found a fucking purpose.

Out of the leftover cash from my next check, I was buying that beauty of a black acoustic guitar I had seen in the window of Legends. It was four hundred dollars, but it was worth it. Every day on my walk home from work I would stop to take a look, drool a bit, and tell myself that I was going to buy it. And now I finally was. I left my shitty ass guitar back home because I wanted to make it my first priority to go out and buy one, instead of delaying it.

As I lay on the couch, reading _East of Eden_, my mind kept falling back on that smirk I saw a few weeks ago at the Coffee House. There was just something about him that made me unable to think about anything else. It fucking frustrated me. I didn't swoon – I was not a swooner! Not to mention, that his fifteen dollar tip got me Rotten Ronnie's (McDonald's) after work that day. I hadn't seen him come back in on any of my shifts...I hated part of myself for noticing that. Who gave a shit about Mr. Sexy Smirk? _Sexy Smirk? Are you firkin serious, Bella! Now you're calling him Mr. Sexy Smirk? Who are you turning into? _I growled at my thoughts and sat up, throwing my book on the coffee table. How was it that some guy could grab so much of my mind's capacity? Like what the fuck was up with that? The thing that pissed me off the most was that he was so familiar to me, that I had seen him somewhere before. Ugh, it drove me insane.

"Bella!" Alice called when she came through the door, pulling me out of my ridiculous thoughts. I heard a couple of thumps, so I knew she was flinging her sneakers off her feet, making them collide with the wall.

"What, Alice?" I responded, stretching and yawning. "Holy fuck, you're soaking wet! " She looked like a drowned rat.

"Yeah, I know that, Bella, but thanks for letting me know," she said, stating the obvious. "I need to get a freaking umbrella!" Alice put her bag on the table and fell back on to the recliner.

"Well, you know, they have an umbrella at work you can buy with your crew member Coffee House points! Isn't that fucking neat? I mean, it's huge and has Coffee House written on it. What umbrella could beat that, huh?" I said, dripping with sarcasm.

"Bella…I would rather walk around with an umbrella full of furry cocks than one with our company logo on it," she said snottily, then laughed.

I laughed at her comment. It was so true. I looked at her and realized she hadn't taken her coat off. "Why don't you take off your coat and stay for a fucking while."

Alice rolled her eyes and started taking off her leather coat, but winced when she pulled it off her arm. "You okay, Alice? Jerk cock before you came home?" I smirked.

"Oh, yeah, two at a time tonight." Alice rolled her eyes. "No, just on the way home I scratched my arm on a rose bush and it fucking hurt."

"Now, now, Alice, don't frown because roses have thorns. Rejoice because thorns have roses." I smiled.

"You know, if I hadn't heard that quote five fucking million times, I might have thought it was sweet. And take that shit-eating grin off your face." Alice gave me the finger and shook her head. She was quiet for a moment more, and then slouched back down on the recliner. "Why are they such assholes?" I knew that was coming. "I know I seem to be complaining about my job, but c'mon, this is like a concentration camp. Yelling at you…Watching your every move. It's so wrong, Bella."

"First, because they have no lives, and they get off treating people like shit. Second, you have every right to complain about that place, and it _is_ like a concentration camp. Third, that place is just not right." I knew I was the biggest, pessimistic bitch anybody would ever meet, but I did know how to have a good laugh and be happy. That being said, what I was about to do was going to make Alice and mine's day.

"So, Alice, I was looking on Craigslist for a new job. I think I found the perfect one for you." I quirked my eyebrow up at her and smiled. "I really think you would be fit for this position. When I saw the title, it screamed Alice," I laughed.

"Tell me it's a job where I don't have to work and my rent will be paid for me," she pleaded happily. Alice got up and walked to the kitchen, turning on the kettle.

"No, Alice…it's better than that," I mused.

"Fuck, Bella, just tell me!" Alice begged, giving me her best puppy eyes. Douche.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, this job will make your pants fall down. It's that great!" I looked at her with warning, making sure she was ready for me to tell her, her dream job.

"I'm ready!" she squealed, clapping her hands together and jumping to her knees on the couch.

"It's…It's…" Alice wrung her hands together in anticipation. "It's an ICECREAM TRUCK DRIVER!" All of the sudden Alice's face fell, and she punched me on the arm. "Hey! I thought it would be perfect!"

"Bella, you are _such_ a bitch. Honestly, I see you driving one of those fucking things around. Not me."

I scoffed. "I would make all kinds of commission driving around one of them damn things!" I said, in my best trailer park trash southern accent.

"I can just see you in your white chef jacket and paper hat!" Alice laughed.

"Hey there, children. Why don't you come on up and get some, mmmm, some nice banana ice cream," I said in my best pervert voice.

Alice laughed hysterically. "Ding-a-ling…Come and get some ice creeeam! Oh, Bella, you made my day. Thank you." Alice continued laughing as she walked into the kitchen.

I collected myself, got up off the couch, grabbed my cash off the table and put it in my pocket. "Hey, Al, I'm going downtown, do you want to come?"

"I'm too tired, Bella, and it's raining."

"That's cool," I said, putting on my leather coat and sticking a Camel Light in my mouth. "I signed up for acting classes and I want to check out where it is, and what it looks like, so I don't get lost. They have an amazing fucking program, and I could use all the lessons I can get before school starts."

"That's awesome, Bella! Let me know how it is when you come home." Suddenly, Alice took her cellphone out of her pocket. "Speaking of home, my mom's calling, talk later!" She quickly scurried in her room and shut the door.

I lit my smoke as soon as I got outside and headed for the bus stop. As I stood there taking drags from my cigarette, it started to pour again. "For fuck sake, man." At least I put on my hood and went under some trees for cover. I glanced over at a cable pole and took a look at all the papers advertising bands playing, fundraisers, etc. I came across one that was promoting open mic nights. I quickly went and ripped it off the pole and shoved it into my jacket pocket, so I could read it on the bus.

Ten minutes and another smoke later, the _late _bus finally came. I hopped on and walked all the way to the back and put in my earplugs, blasting _The Police and the Private_ by Metric. I didn't exactly condone Metric, but they did have a few good songs. I settled down and pulled the paper out of my pocket and scanned it over. They were having an open mic night at one of the bars downtown this Friday. I was planning on purchasing a brand new guitar, so what better way of getting some use out of it?

WWJD – that was what I had to follow. And no, it had nothing to do with Jesus. It had to do with Joan. I had a friend back home named Jacqui and we used to smoke and listen to Joan Jett. She was our idol. She had this "I don't give a fuck" attitude and stood up for what she wanted and believed in. That was something I truly admired about Joan Jett. I would talk to Jacqui often about my move to Vancouver and all the gates it would open for me. It was my time to stand up for what I wanted – what I believed in. Sometimes I would get all insecure and shit and I would stray away. I really wanted to do. So that was when WWJD was created – What Would Joan Do, and the answer has always been the same, she would just fucking go for it.

It was a completely psychotic concept, which was why I didn't go around telling people my theories. It made sense to me and that was all that mattered. Bella-Joan was going to open mic night, and she was going to fuck her guitar.

A couple of hours later, I was done scoping out Downtown and got my feel of where I was going. It was fucking amazing!

**Al, you wouldn't believe how awesome the outline is for my acting classes. The building is so fucking hot! – B**

I lit a cigarette and started walking up the street. It started to rain again, of course, so I threw my hood back on and shoved my hands in my jacket pockets. I felt my phone vibrate, took it out, and flipped it open.

**That's awesome. I'm excited for you to start your acting classes. Yay Vancouver…See Edward sexy Cullen anywhere? ;) – A**

I scoffed, but smiled and shook my head. "Only Alice," I quietly mumbled before texting her back.

**Fuck off, Al – B**

I slapped my phone shut and started hiking up the street again. There wasn't much going on downtown tonight, only the odd couple walking here and there. The only noise was the beat of some music coming out of the local bar, and the sound of cars driving the wet streets. As the rain started to come down harder, I picked up my pace. I noticed a guy walking down the sidewalk, so I moved over to one side and continued walking. I glanced over at him and my heart fucking stopped. My fucking body covered in goosebumps and my fucking eyes widened. I coughed, choking on my cigarette, and internally begged myself to keep walking forward, to not fall over my God damn fucking feet.

The whole three-second interaction seemed to go in slow-motion, making it that much more mortifying. I knew I was playing out this scene worse than it probably was, but holy fucking shit. I stared directly into his eyes and he smirked and nodded at me. I didn't return the gesture and kept walking to the bus stop.

Edward fucking Cullen just smirked and nodded at me. Smirk…Smirk…That smirk! I opened my mouth in disbelief and my smoke fell out, instantly burning out on the wet pavement. No fucking way. Edward fucking Cullen tipped me the fifteen dollars.

I told my legs to keep moving myself forward, but they were quickly turning into Jell-o. I wanted to grab my cellphone and call Alice, but I couldn't get my hands to leave my pockets. One hand was flipping my lighter between my fingers nervously, and the other was squeezing the service out of my phone.

I had walked by Edward fucking Cullen, soaking wet, with a fucking smoke hanging out of my mouth.

I didn't know what had come over me. I felt like a pre-teen back in school, when the teacher you had a fucking crush on asked you to answer one of the questions he asked. My toes were as cold as ice. My heart was beating erratically, and my thoughts were screaming, _oh,my fucking god! _I was a closet crazy fanatic. I was not crazy – I was not fanatic over Edward Cullen.

_Why didn't I smile and nod back? Why did I choke on my fucking cigarette? Just…what the fuck! _

I closed my eyes and shook my head clear of the pathetic fucking Bella I was becoming. _Was I a closet crazy fanatic? I was not crazy – I was not fanatic over Edward Cullen, _my thoughts debated with each other.

_Get fucking real, Bella. _Ah, there I was!

I didn't care if Edward walked passed me. What the hell had come over me? He was just a normal guy who succeeded in acting. I was embarrassed with myself. I wasn't like this. I was better than this.

Why didn't I smile and nod back? Why did I choke on my fucking cigarette?

_WWJD, _my thoughts told me repeatedly. What would Joan do? I knew what she would do. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, and stopped walking. I stood in the middle of the sidewalk in the pouring rain, internally praying that what I was about to do would work in my favor.

"Here's to Joan and women empowerment," I said aloud to myself.

I turned around and started walking the opposite direction.


	5. Front Row

Chapter Five- Front Row

**BPOV**

As I made my way back towards Edward, I started to re-think the decision I had made. Like, what the fuck was I going to say to him? Did I even want to approach him? I internally kicked myself in the ass when I saw him standing in front of Pub 340, and knew I couldn't turn around and run.

I never thought I would be the kind of chick who followed around her favorite celebrity, but I was putting myself in that situation. I slowed my pace; trying to buy myself time, and saw Edward pull out a pack of Camel Lights. I inwardly squealed at the realization that we smoked the same fucking cigarettes, but soon became sick for giving a damn.

I closed my eyes, inhaled a deep breath, and gave myself a mental smack on the ass_. Go get 'em tiger_, I encouraged myself. I walked the rest of the way to the pub and stood on the patio, a few feet away from Edward. In some sick twisted way, I was fucking positioning myself so that I was close enough to Edward to start a conversation, but not close enough to seem obvious.

I pulled out my pack of smokes and lit a cigarette. I inhaled the toxins, which quickly eased my nerves. As I exhaled, I was startled by Edward's voice.

"I thought I was the only one who smoked these," he pointed out.

At the sound of his voice, my eyes widened, and I looked his way. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, unable to get a fucking thing out. "W-what," I stuttered, like a hopeless fool.

He pointed towards something in my direction, and I looked down, realizing he was talking about my fucking smokes. I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly, trying to stay coherent. I shook the pack in my hand and smiled mockingly. "Well, that's why I smoke them now, obviously," I said sarcastically, facing away from him and continued smoking my cigarette.

Edward laughed. "So, did you lose your way, or are you just following me?"

I twirled my body around to face him and scoffed. "Absolutely not. What the fuck gave you that idea?"I felt heat rush from my neck all the way up to my cheeks. I was officially humiliated in front of Edward Cullen. So much for being fucking discrete and playing out the I-don't-know-who-the-fuck-you-are card.

"Uh, because I walked past you up the street not even ten minutes ago, and now you are here, having a cigarette with me," he stated, smirking. That fucking smirk.

"Well, I'm new to the city and I was supposed to meet some friends here. I didn't realize I passed it until I was further up the street," I retorted back. I put my weight on one side and crossed my arms over my chest. I was pretty fucking impressed with my lying skills.

"Oh, that's what they all say." He smiled and stared directly into my eyes. My knees went weak. My fucking knees went weak…

"You know…you're pretty sure of yourself aren't you? I mean, what if I don't know who you are, and I just think you're some creep trying to hit on chicks?" I clicked my tongue and chuckled.

Edward shook his head and flicked his cigarette to the curb, exhaling before he answered. "Well, since you've established that I'm a creep who likes to hit on chicks, why don't you grab a beer with me?"

I was instantly taken aback by his offer and stood there frozen like a fucking pansy. I took one last drag of my smoke and threw it on the ground, burning it out with my foot. I was trying to buy time to find something other than jumping up and fucking down as my answer. I was excited, yes, but I would never show that. Bella Swan wasn't a swooner, remember? I continuously debated with myself and gave him the most normal Bella-related answer. "Yeah, whatever." I turned around and opened the door, motioning for him to go ahead. "Ladies, first," I offered, causing a snort to come from Edward, and I found myself smiling.

"What a gentleman," he said back, and I punched the side of his arm. Edward's reaction was to shake his head and smile widely. He had some pretty beautiful teeth.

When we walked into Pub 340, it was lowly lit and pretty fucking quaint. It was pretty busy, considering it was only 9 P.M, and it had a very relaxed vibe. It was fuckawesome. I followed Edward to a booth that was in the far end, and we sat across from each other. My nerves were shot, and I hated how the feeling was taking over me. I hated the fact that I was…trying for somebody else.

"Do you actually drink beer? Or are you a girly-girl fanatic?"

I glared at him and gave him the finger. "Do I look girly-girl _or_ fanatic? Yes, I drink beer. Heineken." Edward's eyes widened, causing me confusion. "What?" I snapped.

He looked away from me for a moment and told the waitress what the hell we wanted. She nodded and winked at Edward, making her way back to the bar. I snorted.

He looked back at me. "I just never pegged you for a Heineken drinker," he admitted.

"Really now, then what kind of beer did you have in mind for me?"

"I don't know…Don't you Canadians usually drink, well, Canadian?"

"First, I'm not Canadian. Second, Canadian is good, but I prefer Heineken."

"Where are you from?" he asked me, seemingly interested.

"Forks, Washington. " I paused. "I know, it's where all the shits happening," I said, mockingly, while rolling my eyes.

Edward chuckled and shook his head slightly. He looked down and started playing with his coaster, giving me the opportunity to really look at him. I noticed the laugh lines around his eyes, how he had some pretty fucking sexy stubble, how his nose was slightly crooked, which peaked my curiosity, making me wanting to know the story behind it. But I didn't ask. I take in his bushy eyebrows, his defined angular cheek bones and jaw, and his eyes, which are deep-set. As I sat across from Edward, taking in all his flaws, I realized that was what defined his beauty.

_Beauty? Beauty! Bella fucking Swan, what has gotten into you? You're turning into a complete sap._

"So, then what brings you to Vancouver out of all places?" he asked, pulling me out of my stupor.

I stumble with my answer, because I don't know how to respond to him. "Uh…I'm here to study arts. So, how is filming coming along?" I asked, trying to steer the spotlight off me, after all, he was the famous one. I knew what I was here for and I was proud of it, but yada-yada-yada…I just didn't want him thinking that was why I was talking with him.

"It's long days, but it's been going well," he answered, taking a pull from his _Canadian. _

"When do you finish filming?" I asked more eagerly than I should have. Fuck.

He smiled. "You're excited for it to come out, huh?"

I shook my head and smiled…again. "No. I don't like sappy love stories." Edward gaped at my answer and huffed. Uh oh, time for damage control. "But, you know, maybe I'll check it out…when I have time," I added. _Yeah, on November, 20 at 8P.M. _I inwardly scowled at my thoughts, and I saw Edward smile knowingly.

"I think you're friends ditched you."

I glared at him, and I was suddenly saved by the buzz. No, it wasn't from the beer. I pulled out my cellphone and saw it was a text from Alice.

**Where are you? Do I have to send out a search party? – Alice **

"No, they didn't ditch me…Just a change of plans. Um, speaking of which, I should get going." I chugged back the rest of my beer, and smiled at him.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll pay for your beer," he laughed, and winked at me.

"I know you will. My wallet creaks when I open it I'm so broke," I laughed, shoving my hands into my pocket. I bit the inside of my lip and nodded my head slightly. Edward stood up and threw a twenty on the table. I suddenly felt awkward and out of place, and I needed to leave the situation. "So, yeah..bye" I turned around and started to walk towards the exit when Edward's voice stopped me.

"Hey!" I turned and looked at him, silently acknowledging him. "I never caught your name."

"It's…um…Bella."

"Well, bye, Bella. It was nice to meet you."

"You, too," I sighed and walked out, heading towards the bus stop.

I finally got home and I was fucking exhausted. I couldn't believe that I had actually sat down for an hour with Edward Cullen, without being disturbed once, might I add. I found myself comfortable and at ease, I didn't understand why people went so crazy around such a normal guy. I also found myself confused, because I didn't understand what the fuck just happened. I had a front row seat to Edward Cullen's off-the- set normal life, and I had nothing to show for it. Not that I was going to go around parading the fact that Edward is so beautifully flawed and liked Canadian, but something for myself. I never gave him my number, or even anything to be able to contact me.

One side of me didn't give a shit. If he really wanted to find me, I'm sure he could have. But then the other side begged me to go back to the bar and change the ending. I shook my head to rid it of the nonsense.

I walked into our apartment and heard screeching from Alice, who was in the washroom. The only thing I could make out were the lyrics of _Charmer_ by Kings of Leon that she was butchering. I laughed out loud at her attempt.

I knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, Alice?"

"You're home! And Yes?" she answered through the door.

"Who sings that song again?"

"Kings of Leon."

"Yeah…let's keep it that way."

I walked to the living room and heard Alice snort on my way there. I turned on the TV and my day went south when I saw that _The Secret Life of the American Teenager_ came on. I shut off the TV quickly and scowled.

"Where the hell have you been?" Alice demanded when she came into the living room.

"Well, I bumped into Edward Cullen, and we went into Pub 340 and had a beer," I answered truthfully.

Alice laughed. "If only you could be so lucky," she said, turning around and leaving the living room."I'm going to bed. I'm pooped. Night"

"Night, Al." After who knows how fucking long, I finally made my way into my bedroom and fell lifelessly on my bed.

Note to self: WWJD never dies.


	6. I've Seen Better Days

Chapter Six – I've seen better days

**BPOV**

I sat on my ass after work, waiting for Alice to come home to keep me fucking entertained. I was insanely bored. As I watched _Robot Chicken _and munched on some nasty-ass stale Cheesies, my thoughts drifted back to the encounter I had with Edward. My mind has been consumed by him ever since, and it was starting to piss me the hell off. Why? Because I found myself fucking enjoying it.

I heard the door open, and I looked over to see Alice walk in. "Hey," I muttered.

Alice walked over, plopped her ass down, and reached over, grabbing a Cheesie. I scowled and watched her as she brought a curved Cheesie up to her mouth. "Smile, Bella!" she said, holding it to her lips.

I quirked an eyebrow and shook my head. "Don't ever do that again."

She laughed, and then ate the it. "Lighten up, Bella. So, I was thinking we could go to the mall or something."

The mall. I hated the fucking mall. Too many people, and I didn't like people, so it wasn't the place for me. Watching all the prostetots (which were young girls who dressed slutty, by the way) buy things with their parent's money, while they ate Yogen Fruz. Old people hogging the nice leather seats in the sitting area, drinking their senior coffees. Hearing horrible music blare out of stores that sell cheap gangster clothing. Watching those so-called gangsters lean against the banisters and check out the chicks walking by. Catch my drift as to why I didn't like malls?

An hour later, I found myself at the fucking mall with Alice. While she was looking through clothes, I started to get impatient. "Alice, I really need to take a piss," I complained.

Alice looked at me with pleading eyes. "Just give me five more minutes…please?"

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Fine."

"Thanks!" she squealed, turning back around to the clothesline.

I couldn't stand being in clothing stores. I was the type of person who walked in, got what they needed, and got the fuck out. I didn't spend my time lurking around for sales, and wasting my day trying on shit. I started to pace around the aisle that Alice was browsing in, when my bladder started to fucking kill me.

"Alice, please let's go to the washroom. I can't even stand up straight! It hurts!"

"Ugh, fine. I'll just get what I have." Alice walked passed me, and made her way to the cash register.

After she paid for her over-priced clothing, we were on our way to the washroom. Why was it when you really needed the washroom, it took forever to get to? Thank God I didn't have the fucking runs, or else this would be an ass-clench massacre.

Alice skipped ahead of me and pushed the bathroom door open, looked inside, and immediately stepped back. "What the fuck?" she exclaimed, flabbergasted.

I looked at her confused and stepped around her to push the door open. I looked inside and my eyes widened, causing me to step back as well. "Why the fuck is there a man in there?"

We both looked at each other for a minute, unsure of what to do next. I pushed the door open a smidgen, and saw a woman smiling at me as she was drying off her hands. I really needed to go for a piss, so I sucked it up and went inside. The so-called man turned around, which happened to just be a very masculine woman, and stared at me before shaking her head and leaving the rest room.

Guess she heard me. Boohoo.

I quickly disregarded what had just happened and slammed a stall door shut. I pushed my pants down as fucking fast as I could, finally being able to take my piss.

"This is the longest piss I have ever had. It just won't stop," I stated.

"Uh, Bella, you do realize we're not alone in here."

"I don't give a shit. They've probably had the same thing happen to them."

After we were done using the washroom, we ate some crappy fast food, then I realized I had to head to work. I had the good 'ol evening shift tonight, and I had to train some fucker.

"Alice, I have to head to work now."

"Oh, okay. You brought your uniform with you, right?"

"Yeah, I did. I'll see you after work." After we exchanged waves, I reluctantly made my way to my craptastic job. Fuck my life.

"Hey, Bella!" my snob of a boss greeted me.

"Hi," I mumbled, throwing my bag onto the table in the crew room.

"I wanted to introduce you to your new co-worker. This is Jacob Black," Maria said.

I looked over and saw a tall, handsome, russet skinned guy. He had short black hair, brown eyes, and some pretty sick guns. This Jacob Black guy had some fucking muscle on him.

"Hey," Jacob said, pulling me out of my failed attempt at self-thought up erotica.

I shook my head involuntarily to try and think of something else. "Uh, hi. My name is Bella." I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears. I instantly felt fucking awkward, so I turned around, and put my apron on, trying to get ready for work.

Maria added, "Bella, Jacob will be with you for the evening. Just show him how to make a few drinks tonight, and then tomorrow we will get him on register."

"Yeah, whatever," I replied, watching Maria walk back into her office, and I turned back to Jacob. "Honestly, this job is fucked up awful. Save yourself and leave."

Jacob laughed, and I couldn't help but join in because it was contagious. "Well, Bella, I like you already. I think we'll get along just fine. I'm here to save up for some fucking car parts."

As we walked out into the store front, my eyes widened from his use of profanity. _Finally, someone who wasn't so fucking uptight_. "Car parts?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm building my own car right now. I need some more pieces to make it run smoothly, so that's why I'm here. I don't aspire to be a barista for Coffee House," he laughed.

There was just something about Jacob that made me connect with him. He was the most normal person I had met since I moved to Vancouver. I didn't have to watch my mouth or my attitude around him, and already I knew he was going to be a good friend.

After a few hours of training, I looked at the time and realized I was off in twenty minutes. Fucking finally. I got Jacob to clean the espresso machines, and I went to clean the dishes. Every time I looked at the clock, I saw that it only passed two minutes, but it felt like it had been ten. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, internally telling myself that this day was almost fucking over.

As I put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher for pre-close, I heard Jacob call from the front, "Yo, Bella, what time are you off tonight?"

"I'm off at nine," I replied, walking back upfront with a stack full of dishes. "And I can't fucking wait."

"You're lucky. I have to stick around and learn how to close with her over there," he said, gesturing behind him. Ah, Gracie…what a bitch. She hadn't spoken a word to us, other than to tell us to change the garbage or mop the floor. I never understood some people. I knew I wasn't approachable or nice, but still…

"Yeah, good luck with that. She's a bitch, but just constantly think of those awesome car parts you're gonna buy. It will all be worth it in the end."

Jacob sighed. "Yeah, you're right. How long have you been working here?"

"A little over a month," I said, cringing. "It's not out of want, but need."

"I hear ya."

We both nodded in agreement, and I glanced at the clock again. I was finally off. "Well, Jacob, it was nice meeting you. When do you work next?"

"Thursday. You?"

"Thursday." I smiled. "See you then." I waved and walked to the back, ripping off my apron and giving the finger to the camera. I was pretty sure they never checked those. I grabbed my bag and rushed the fuck out, giving Jacob a nod on my way. I walked out, and made my way across the parking lot, when a voice stopped me.

"Hey, Bella."

I turned around to see Edward smirking at me.

That damn smirk.


	7. Obstacle 1

Chapter Seven – Obstacle 1

**EPOV**

That was the one thing about putting on a scrubby hat and a pair of Ray Bans; you might just pass the frenzy fans unnoticed. I wasn't used to this whole "I love you and I wanna fuck you" routine. It was very unnerving. Back when everything wasn't so hyperactive and out of control, nobody noticed me and that was how I liked it. I mean, yeah, obviously I'd like the odd encounter, but not millions of them at the same time. I liked my balls.

There were pros and cons with being famous. Money didn't matter to me, it was just a bonus. I loved the fact that I had my Aston Martin and all the little things in-between. I liked the fact that I didn't have to struggle to save up for things that I really wanted. Lastly, I loved the fact that my family didn't have to suffer anymore either. I could give them what they wanted, though they refused half the time, stating they were happy and content with what they had.

My life went into this whirlwind when I got into acting classes a couple years back. I was able to be somebody else for a change, and apparently I played somebody else's life better than I played my own. One side of me laughed at how sad that was, but the other half enjoyed it. I liked the façade.

If anybody asked me to do half the shit I did by being myself alone, I would chicken out. But here I was, two years later, incredibly famous and scared shitless. Everybody I met I had to be skeptical of or think the worst. You could never trust anybody, and I learned that the hard way. It was sad that people would stoop so low to get information about you, just to sell out their self respect and their findings for a couple thousand.

I had one close friend, Jasper, who had been my friend since I was six. He was the best. He was the one I would call when something went shitty. It was sad when I only had one friend that I could trust and confide in at the age of twenty-five, but when I thought about it, it was alright. I didn't need five hundred friends to prove the popularity I had, but didn't deserve in the first place.

It wasn't very often that I met somebody who didn't care about my looks or who they could meet through me. I'd admit that through the success I gained, I met some of my favorite actors, but I didn't use people to do so. I worked my ass off. The only way I knew I could survive a life such as this was bouts of normalcy. I didn't want to become sucked into the world of fame and become some deluded, money-hungry, high-maintenance fool. I had made that promise to myself, to my family, and to Jasper.

Existing and involving yourself in the world of fame was one hell of a game. I was labeled as something that I wasn't. I was gossiped about, hated upon, and my life was fabricated. A lot of people out there hated me for some lie a desperate journalist made up. At times it was incredibly tough, and I was always on the verge of giving up. Nothing good came from fame….or so I thought.

I was standing in the line of The Coffee House. It was pretty busy, so I tried to remain inconspicuous. I was looking around to see if anybody within the restaurant recognized me, and to my almost nonexistent luck, nobody did. I was third in line and I overheard a couple of employees talking.

"I was just thinking. What if Edward came in here with some crew people to get coffee?" the chick with short black hair asked. She wasn't bad looking, but too petite for my liking. I looked over to the girl she was speaking to and my eyes immediately widened behind my Ray Bans…she was…beautiful.

I wanted to hear her response, but some customer interrupted her before she could answer to her co-worker. I rolled my eyes along with her for the customer's interruption.

I couldn't find any words to describe her. I never thought of a woman as such. Not to say that I was a man-whore who didn't care. I just never found women who made me feel like a man, until now. When I heard her laugh it was laced with sarcasm, and I couldn't help but smirk. I watched her intently as she shook her head, in what was probably disbelief, and chewed her lip before answering.

"Alice, I highly doubt Edward would come into The Coffee House. The guy has money and he would do what all celebrities do – go to Starbucks. It's way better than this shit."

Feisty and snarky…I liked it. What I didn't like, though, was the fact that she had pegged me as the usual celebrity. And that right there was what I fucking hated. I found myself wanting to prove to her that I didn't _do _what _all _celebrities did.

It was crazy for me to be so effected by what she thought, but it wasn't unusual for me to be easily offended. The next customer was called, and I prayed that the customer service would continue to suck, so I can eaves-drop some more. I now knew petite's name – Alice. If she would just fucking say_ her_ name.

"Not necessarily. When I was looking at photos of him on the set of Old Moon, he was holding a Tim Horton's coffee. Now that place is as low as you can go," Alice said.

"I guess you're right, but I still don't think so. I mean, he wouldn't come in here with crew people; it would drag too much attention. Plus, I'm sure they have people to do coffee runs, or better yet, they have coffee already on set," Mystery Girl replied. Yeah, Mystery Girl. Shut the fuck up.

And she was perceptive and smart…I was incredibly intrigued and that pissed the hell out of me. Not the fact that she was perceptive and smart, but the fact that I wouldn't be able to be a normal guy who could show interest, or take her out on a real fucking date.

"I guess so, but I've seen photos of them walking around Downtown by themselves with Starbucks," Alice said.

Ah, good old reliable source. _Photos provide by the all truthful InTouch magazine, _I thought sarcastically. I never understood why people gave a fuck if I had gone to Starbucks. It was sad.

"Alice, honestly, who cares? If they want to drink crappy House Coffee or too expensive mud coffee from Starbucks, just let them. I personally don't think Edward would come in here for coffee."

I watched as her eyebrows furrowed. I wanted to know what she was thinking at that point. Was she placing judgments? Why didn't she think I would come in here? I mean, the coffee wasn't that bad. Plus, it was practically off the radar for paparazzi – that was my main reason for coming here.

They continued to talk back and forth about nothing, until I saw their boss storm towards them. I suddenly felt defensive of them, making me want to ask the bitch-boss what her problem was. That was until she gave me the biggest favor. She said _her _name.

Bella. And that she was.

I smiled when I realized that she was now on the cash register. I looked over at the other cashier, and noticed she was giving change back to her customer, ready to take on the next, and that was me. I begged that Bella would help me first. I balled my hands into fists and gritted my teeth like I could telepathically get her to hurry up and serve me.

"Hi, can I help whose next?" YES! You could tell she loved her job. Sarcasm intended.

"Hi," I started off saying, but her attention wasn't fully on me. She was looking down the line at how many customers she had. I internally groaned because it wasn't how I wanted my first interaction with her to be like. I shook my head slightly at my stupidity. I didn't even know her, so I couldn't expect anything different. It was so frustrating because I wanted to get to know her. She intrigued me. "Can I…uh… just get an extra-large coffee…black, please?" I stuttered, extremely intimidated by her. Masculinity kicked in the balls, yes, but she was reviving – a challenge.

"Will that be everything for you today, sir?" she spat out, making me speechless. I wasn't expecting such hastiness.

"Uh, yeah. That's everything," I replied.

"$4.25, please."

"Here you go and keep the change." I knew I could afford it, but it was the principal of things. Why the fuck was an extra-large coffee $4.25? I seriously wanted an answer. Being that I didn't care about the money, I let her keep the change. In some sense I thought she might have been offended, thinking that I thought she needed it, but I didn't give a shit. I wanted her attention and that was the only way I could get her to talk to me more than aggravated mumbles.

"But, sir, this is a twenty dollar bill," she stated. She finally looked up at me, and I was taken aback by her eyes. They had me consumed. Yeah, I knew what I was – a pansy – but she was…fuck, I didn't know. I didn't have a word for her. Remember? I wasn't good at this kind of shit. I smiled at her when I saw the corner of her mouth lift up a bit. Ah-ha, she was capable of smiling. I was happy in knowing I did it, and I found myself wanting to do it again.

_Oh fuck, Edward, you're losing it._

"I know it's a twenty dollar bill." I wanted to show her I could be just as sarcastic as she was. "Thank you, ladies." I tried to keep the laugh building up at bay. The look on Bella and Alice's faces was priceless.

It had been about a month since I arrived in Vancouver. It was a pretty chill city, but the weather made me sick. I was used to living in L.A with the sunny weather, making it hard for me to adapt to rainy, overcast depression.

It had also been a couple weeks since I had a beer with Bella. I never thought I would see her again, until I saw her cute disgruntled face as she dragged on her cigarette, walking past me. I was on my way to meet my friends at the bar after our last shoot for a couple of days. I looked her straight in the eyes and nodded. I snorted trying to contain my laughter when I saw her mouth gape open and her cigarette fall out. She started to hack on what was probably the smoke, but I couldn't very well turn around and ask her if she was alright. I got a vibe that told me she wouldn't like that too much.

I continued to walk to the bar when it dawned on me that I wasn't really wearing a disguise, and that she didn't recognize me as the guy who gave her a fifteen dollar tip, but Edward Cullen. Shit. She hadn't frantically attacked me then, so I figured she didn't care that much. I had gone for cover under the roof of the bar and pulled out a Camel Light. I was in the middle of a drag when I saw Bella walk by me, stopping under the same roof as me. She didn't face me, but I smiled at her presence regardless. I watched her as she pulled out a pack of Camel Lights, and I had to talk to her. High-five for Camels.

After I finally manned up and said something to her, we exchanged words and snarky remarks to each other. Then I found my leeway to invite her in to have a beer. She was very laid back, and I found myself falling for her. I wanted to get to know her more, but I didn't want to push my luck. She answered my questions quickly, laced with sarcasm. Though I loved that side of her, I didn't want to ruin my chances. It was already fucked up with how much I liked her. Given the life, and the circumstance I have, it could never work out between us. I wouldn't put anybody through such torture with being followed and harassed with questions.

The whole time she was sitting across from me, she was probably pegging me with more of society's views. I had caught her looking at me curiously, and I wanted to ask her the reason behind it, but I felt that I was already being too prying. I found out that she was originally from Forks, Washington, and she was taking Arts in school. Whatever she was taking in arts, I bet she would succeed. She was unique and different – original.

I knew I was probably delusional in thinking this way about Bella, but I couldn't help myself. Her personality was her own. She didn't seem like she got intimidated, or gave a fuck about what people thought. I envied somebody like that. I only wished I could be somebody who let people think what they wanted; who did things for themselves and not because it would have pleased others; had their own opinions and wasn't afraid to voice them. She had a bad attitude and that's what I liked about her. It was her against the world – not the world against her. She was my warrior.

_My warrior? First of all, 'my?' She's yours now? Second of all, warrior? Have you completely gone out of your mind! When do you talk like that to people, you fucking tool! Get a grip on reality. You're famous!_

I shook my head from the impending negative thoughts and took a deep breath. I did need to get my reality checked out, but right now I was okay with thinking I was completely insane. If she knew I had scoped out her name before she had given it to me, for sure she would have thought I was some kind of creep. It was hard for me not to address her, even though I really wanted to get closer to her. As of right now I am only on a name-to-name basis with her, and I couldn't fucking stand that…I needed to see her again – get to know her more.

"Yo, Edward, we're on again in five minutes, okay?" Emmett, my co-star said, leaning against my dressing room door.

"Yeah, man, cool," I replied back, absentmindedly going over my lines. I only had two weeks left in Vancouver, and I doubted it was enough time to impress, or even win, Bella. It wasn't that I thought of her as a prized possession, I just felt for her more than I probably should. It was probably best for me to ignore my feelings and not act on my intentions. I was a celebrity and celebrity relationships didn't work out.

Isn't that what _InTouch_ always said?

A sense of frustration coursed through me, and I threw my lines on the table, heading back down to the movie set. I didn't have to deal with my unrealistic dilemma much longer, because in about five minutes I was going to be somebody else for a change. Some dude named Robert Pattinson.

After a long, dragged out day on the set shooting, I was done. I was exhausted from standing all day and irritated for having to do so many takes. It seemed the further we got with this film, the farther it set us back. I knew I was being watched like a hawk by press and paparazzi, I could hear their cameras clicking, and I could see the flash in my peripheral vision. Not only that, there were tons of fans screaming, "I love you, Edward!" from the barricade surrounded by hundreds of security. It was fucking surreal. Never would I have thought I would be the one standing on the other side of the barricade. The only thing that sucks about it is that I now know what my favorite actors thought about me. I cringed.

"Hey, Edward, what's up?" Rosalie asked as she walked into my dressing room.

"Uh, not much. Just tired." I packed up my shit for the day and grabbed my keys.

"All of us are going to the pub for drinks. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I guess so. You going?" Rosalie was nice, but she loved fame and her fortune even more.

"Of course I'm going, loser. You don't seem like yourself lately. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just…I don't know, stressed out I guess." I couldn't very well tell her I had it bad for a barista that I had a beer with and completely fallen for.

"Yeah, filming was horrible today. Chris was being such an asshole," she sighed, and ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head. "I mean, we know our lines. I don't know why I didn't feel like I was connecting."

I walked out of my dressing room and Rosalie followed. "I think everybody has crappy filming days, you know? I mean, can we really expect it to be all fun and play?"

"No…I guess not."

"Hey, motherfuckers!" Emmett boomed, throwing his arm around Rosalie. I enjoyed Emmett's company for the most part, but even more because he got me out of the awkward conversation that was transpiring between me and Rosalie.

"Not much. Just on our way to the bar, baby," Rosalie said, kissing Emmett's chin. Fuck man.

Yeah, Rosalie had been dating Emmett for awhile. Remember when I had said that Rosalie loved fame, but she loved her fortune more? Guess who had gotten her all that fame and fortune…Yeah, Emmett. I didn't think that Rosalie was using him anymore, but I was for fucking sure that she was at the beginning. I hated Rose when we first met, and I would try and convince Emmett that she was a gold-digger, but he kept insisting he didn't give a shit. Well, it had been two years since they met, so I guess he really didn't give a shit. Rosalie had her fame, and she still hadn't left him, so I dropped the subject. It wasn't my business, and if I really thought about it, I really didn't fucking care.

"I am gonna get so fucking sloshed!" Emmett yelled as we walked down Main St.

"Emmett, stop fucking yelling, or you're going to bring attention towards us," I warned, looking around for any envious stares. Gladly there wasn't any.

"Chill out, man. You're always brooding and grumpy, fuck," Emmett stated, annoyed.

"Maybe I don't feel like having everybody snap my picture and ask me a million questions. Is that so hard to understand?"

"Edward, Jesus, calm down," Rosalie interjected. "Let's just all get to the bar and have a drink. The night will get better."

Emmett ignored Rosalie. "You know, you don't have to do this, Edward. You really seem to hate what you do. I mean, you have more popularity than any of us combined, you should relish in it." He snorted, and looked away from me.

"Ever thought that maybe I don't want popularity or fame?"

Emmett laughed. "Oh, Edward, you crack me up. Better do yourself a favor and re-check what profession you're in then. I mean, you have enough money. Go fucking buy an island somewhere and retire."

"Just fuck off, Emmett, all right? I don't need your third degree," I said through gritted teeth.

"Edward, Emmett, just cool it. We're all friends here. All of us have had a shitty day, so please, just chill out! I can't stand your bickering. Both of you just fucking whip it out already and measure." Rosalie stormed off quickly towards the bar, leaving us behind.

"Look," Emmett started, and I crossed my arms over my chest. "I just don't like how you've changed. I mean, you used to be cool, Edward. We used to have fun and do all this bogus shit…Now you're just so uptight."

I smiled in disbelief and shook my head. I knew I wasn't the one who had changed – he was. I didn't have celebrity skin, and I wasn't about to fucking try it on. "Ever thought that maybe you're the one whose changed? That you're the one who's so wrapped up in fame that it's clouding up your fucking logic thinking? Yeah, I liked you, too, bro, but you're not the same. I'm still wearing the fucking jeans I got from Target, and you're walking around in your Gucci ones. I'm sorry; I think I misunderstood you…Who changed?" I looked him up and down, shaking my head. Every fucking day somebody was going against me. I didn't need this shit. I didn't need anybody.

I turned and walked away in the opposite direction. I walked until I saw The Coffee House, and my mood immediately lightened. I prayed as I was walking towards the entrance that Bella might be working. It would give me the chance to talk to her, to get to know her better. She had this affect on me; it grounded me, reminding me of who I was – that I was me and I was okay.

I stopped in front of the window and saw her, my chest immediately tightening. She looked beautiful as usual. I watched her as she placed dishes in the dishwasher, and I watched her as she tucked her hair behind her ears, shaking her head at herself. I smiled because I could only imagine that she was cursing her job.

I decided to take a chance and go in. I made sure my hood was on securely and before I could make it to the door, a woman with her teenage daughter came out. The chick looked me right in the eyes, and she gasped.

She turned around and pulled on her mom's sleeve. "Mom…Mom! That's Edward Cullen! Oh, my God!" She looked back at me again, and I turned to hide my face. "Mom…LOOK!"

"Jessica, that is enough. Grow up," her mom demanded. I smiled internally.

Close call.

I straightened up and glanced back up through the window. Bella was walking out from the back with her leather jacket on. Sweet, she was off. I quickly turned around, leaned up against the brick exterior, and waited.

I was second guessing myself when I watched her cross the parking lot, but I knew my chances of seeing Bella were becoming few and far between.

"Bella!"

She stopped and froze in place before she turned back to look at me, her eyes growing wide. I couldn't help but smile at her.

**BPOV**

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Edward fucking Cullen," I laughed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Stalking me now?" I wasn't going to deny it…I was happy he was here. Happy was a weird fucking feeling.

"Edward _fucking _Cullen? I haven't heard that one before." He smiled, walking towards me, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. My anti-love and anti-relationship side was freaking out. It wasn't used to being affected by someone, let alone a fucking celebrity.

"No, because you've probably been called worse." I smirked and high-fived myself.

"Yeah." He nodded. "You're right.

As we continued to walk down the sidewalk, my thoughts were whipping through my head. I didn't know what to say next, my knees felt like they were going to fucking give out, and my hands were clammy. Bella Swan's hands clammy…and nervous over a guy? What the hell was this world coming to? "So, any particular reason why you were loitering outside of The Coffee House so late at night? Have no friends?"

"I have friends…"

I quickly looked around my surroundings and then back to him. "Yeah, I can see them."

"Ha-ha, Bella," he said, sarcastically, causing me to laugh out loud. "I made a new friend, and I'd like to hang out with her instead."

"Oh, so I'm your friend now?"

"Yeah, I guess…am I yours?" God I found him fucking cute. CUTE! I wanted to fall on my knees and bang my head against the cement sidewalk. I didn't know what was more fucked up, calling somebody cute, or actually considering intentionally hurting myself.

"Of course not. Average people like me can't possibly be friends with a celebrity."

"You peg me," he stated.

"I peg?"

"Yeah, you've pegged me to be some self-centered, conceited celebrity." For the first time I found myself unable to snap back a smart reply. "Now, I never pegged you for that sort of chick."

"So you can peg me, but I can't peg you? I see how this works." I grabbed my pack of Camels out of my bag and put one in my mouth. I lit it before I continued. "Did you come here to peg?"

"Stop saying peg…It's starting to sound weird."

"I peg your pardon, Edward." I smiled and took a drag of my cigarette. Sometimes I could just be so fucking funny.

Edward laughed out loud, and I found myself taking him in. His laugh sounded fucking amazing. It was one of those ones where you would do anything to hear it again. I took in how he smiled for a few moments afterwards, causing definition around his crow's feet. "You're swift there, Bella."

"I know." I didn't know how long our sarcastic put downs were going to last. I wanted to know exactly what he wanted. Why was he waiting for me?

_WWJD, WWJD, BELLA! What would Joan do? Answer me!_ my thoughts asked. _She would just flat out ask him why the fuck he was here, _I replied back to them.

"Why did you meet me? I mean, why were you waiting for me?"

"Oh, yeah…Uh…" His eyebrows furrowed and his forehead creased. My only guess was that he was trying to decide an answer. "Did you want to get a drink," he rushed out almost inaudibly.

"A drink?"

Edward pushed his hands deep in his coat pockets and looked down. "Yeah, a drink. The rest of the cast is at a bar just down the street."

"Woah, woah…hold the phone. Did you just say the rest of the cast?"

"Yeah."

"No, I don't think so," I declined, shaking my head.

"Why? You're pegging again."

"I'm not fucking pegging, I just don't willingly put myself in positions where I'm going to feel like a tool and be the odd man out."

"You'll be with me, though. It's just a beer."

I suddenly stopped walking, annoyed and looked at him in disbelief. "Edward, whether you know it or not, you're superfuck famous. I mean, you can't even go anywhere without people trying to snap your fucking picture unless you disguise yourself. You're in every magazine, whether you're on a farm eating corn, or you're lying on the bathroom floor looking at some chick's tits. You're one of the most influential people in the world, you're bogus rich, and everybody wants you.

"All that being said, if you think that _I'm_ gonna go the bar with you and expect to have you _not_ ignore me, you're more delusional than I thought. You don't even know me, and you're cast doesn't even know me. I know for a fact if I walk in there with you, I'm going to get the stink-eye; I'm going to be judged and ignored. Not that I mind being ignored…" I was rambling and I needed to come out with my point. "Look, you're a nice guy, I like you, but really, what is this? It states that you're only here for a couple months shooting a film, and then you're back in L.A. What did you want from this?"

I took in Edward's reaction, which you could tell was pure shock. I slightly felt horrible for snapping at him like I did, but he needed to hear it. I wasn't some chick who clung to celebrities, and I defiantly wasn't a chick who lowered herself for some fucking attention. I refused to be used.

"Oh, uh…well, I wasn't expecting that as your answer."

"Well…that's what I think."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I understand where you're coming from because don't forget, I wasn't always famous. You're normal, and that's what I like about you. The reason why I'm asking you to come out for a beer with me is because, what you just stated, I feel the same way. I'm the only one who hasn't put on celebrity skin and let fame get to me. I know I chose my career, but that doesn't mean I want everything that comes with it. But, anyway, it's cool." Edward stuck his hand out, waiting for me to shake it. "Bella, it was nice meeting you."

I placed my hand in his and shook it. "Edward." We both smiled and nodded at each other before he turned and walked the opposite direction.

I felt my stomach drop as I watched him walk away from me. I felt my blood boil at the fucking unfairness of it all.

What the fuck did I just do?


	8. Saturday Night Special

Chapter Eight – Saturday Night Special

**BPOV**

The whole way home I kept thinking about ditching Edward like I had. What the fuck was the matter with me? Was it so hard for me to have normal social interactions? Fuck. I shook my head and swallowed down a scream for the frustration I felt. It wasn't Edward, it was me. Yeah, the whole "it's not you, it's me" played perfectly here. I cringed at the thought of how many people would kill me for turning down Edward Fucking Cullen. I wanted to slap myself!

As I unlocked the door to my place I kicked it open and it flew back, hitting the wall. I was so fucking pissed off for doing what I did. Yeah, I could have turned around and ran after him, but I would never do such a thing. Why? Well, now I didn't know. If I were me a week ago, I would have said that I never chased a guy or made myself look like a weak, fucking loser. That wasn't who I was, but then…who was I now? I pushed my hand through my hair and opened the fridge, looking for something to stuff down my sorrow. Obviously a broke couple of chicks working at a fucking lost cause Coffee House didn't provide us with money for food. Next thing on my list: The Bella and Alice Food Fund. I should walk around with a fucking sign saying, "Will Do Anything for Food".

I slammed the fridge door shut and placed my forehead on the freezer door, sighing. "What the fuck did you do, Bella Stupid Hoe Swan?" I wasn't a stupid hoe, but Drake's song was playing at work tonight, and regrettably it wouldn't get the hell out of my head.

_Focus, Bella. Fucking focus!_

Back to Edward. As I opened a package of Hunt's chocolate pudding and crammed it in my mouth, I tried to come up with some kind of plan to take back what I had done. If only I could transform myself into Sabrina the Teenage Witch, which would allow me to do what the fuck I wanted. Yeah, I was fucked up, but everybody had wished that – even you.

I threw my empty pudding container in the trash and started to pace the kitchen. I needed to do something, but I didn't know where to fucking start. I kept beating myself up with my imagination, hoping it would knock some sense into me. It was what I needed. I could call Alice and ask her for her advice, but I knew it would lead to excessive squealing and a sidekick to come along with me. That was something I didn't want.

I ran into my room and flopped on my bed, screaming viciously into my pillow. I didn't know what I was more frustrated with: totally ruining everything with Edward, and a future – a very slim chance of one, that I could have had, or the fact that I thought of a future with Edward. There must have been some fucking reason why some fucking spirit or energy set Edward Cullen on my life path.

I sat up on my bed and took a deep breath. I needed to figure my shit out, or else I wasn't going anywhere fast. I never dealt with emotions like this before, and it was hard to place my finger on what the fuck those emotions were. They weren't bad ones, they were pleasantly frustrating. If I didn't deny my black, cold heart to like somebody, I would say that I was falling, and falling hard, for Edward Cullen.

I didn't want to fall for anybody, because more than likely, they wouldn't be there to pick me up. I would have to pick myself up and kiss my own fucking scratched knees. I might be a little self-centered to think such things as this, but in some fucked up way, I never thought a guy could afford my worth. I wasn't one of those chicks that swooned, but here I was…swooning! I wasn't one of those chicks whose heart pounded wildly in their chest, but here I was…practically having a heart attack. I wasn't one of those chicks who sat on her bed thinking she fucked things up with some guy, and here I was, practically crying because I fucked it up.

Liking somebody was too much work, too much effort. I hated wasting my energy on liking somebody, it always ended badly, and I never got what I wanted out of it. I had one relationship in the past and it had been emotional suicide; since then, I swore off all relationships. It just sucked at how much my past and the decisions made seemed non-existent when a man who could potentially be somebody to me, waltzes into my life.

Either I hated people so much, not allowing them to get close, or I just didn't think I was worthy of anybody. I thought that maybe I had too much self confidence, that I was self-conscious and insecure. Yeah, it didn't make any fucking sense, but it did all at the same time. Ugh, I fucking hated this.

I walked into the bathroom, with my coat and shoes still on, undecided of what I was going to do, and looked myself in the mirror. I stared at my unruly hair – the stringy, lifeless mop. I looked at my eyes and saw how much they screamed unhappiness. I stared at my reflection until my eyes started to water. I found myself crying. Dammit.

"Bella Swan, what are you turning into," I mumbled to myself, my voice quavering. I unraveled some toilet paper off the roll and wiped my eyes. I blew out a low breath and tried to compose myself. I was confused and had so many things going through my mind, and I had to really figure my shit out. I laughed at my stupidity and rubbed my hands over my face, thinking of my next move.

I was always some sort of chick who did whatever the fuck she wanted, without caring what anybody thought, or the consequences. If I just stopped denying what I wanted, I could tell myself what I wanted without having to ask the all mighty Goddess Joan Jett.

I didn't need Joan to tell me what I wanted. I already knew the answer. I smiled. "I want Edward Cullen," I admitted to myself.

I needed to see Edward and make things right. None of this shying away bullshit, I was so done with that. I grabbed my smokes, some cash, and my phone out of my bag and walked to the front door. Before I could open it, Alice came barreling through.

"Bella! There you are! Where were you?" She walked passed me and sauntered into the living room.

I rolled my eyes as I walked towards the living room, knowing that my time was running out every minute I stayed here. I was starting to get anxious and irritated with everything in my path. My hands were shaking and my body was trembling with how fucking upset I was getting. I didn't have time for this.

"I was at work, Alice. Where were you?" I could smell the alcohol coming off of her.

"Well, I met this really nice guy. His name is Jasper." She gazed off into the distance and sighed, smiling.

"And let me guess, you knew him for about ten minutes before you went and got drunk with him?" Sometimes she could be so fucking stupid and reckless.

"Bella, don't get all Old Mother Hen on me, all right? I only had two beers. You know I can't hold my alcohol well."

"Yeah, I can see that." I sighed, and ran my hand through my hair. "Well, just go to fucking sleep; make sure to drink water before you call it a night."

"Bella, I'm twenty-three, I think I can handle myself," she reassured, and got up of the couch, wobbling towards her bedroom.

"So what about Devin? You throw him to the curb? Like, what's the deal with this Jasper guy? Where did you meet him?" I rushed out. As much as I needed to find Edward, this shit was just too good to pass up.

Alice turned around too quickly, and she grabbed her head, moaning. "Well, Devin is thrown to the curb. I told him so many times I wasn't interested, he didn't listen, so I'm ignoring him now. I literally ran into Jasper. I was running for the bus and if I didn't catch it, I would have waited thirty minutes for the next one. I was jogging down the sidewalk trying to wave at the bus driver, and needless to say I wasn't paying attention, so I rammed right into Jasper."

"Did you miss the bus?" I deadpanned, grinning.

"Obviously. When I turned around to see who was steadying me so strongly, I totally forgot about the damn bus. He had beautiful blue eyes and dirty blond hair that hung just below his ears. It was wavy…so nice and soft." She paused and sighed happily. "His hair was tucked behind his ears and he was wearing a fedora. He had a gray t-shirt on and black jeans. Oh man, he looked so fucking good, Bella. He's so courteous and charming. He didn't expect anything…you know…gross."

"Well, now that I got his wardrobe down pat, I need to go." I rushed towards the door, but before I could leave, Alice's voice stopped me.

"Where are you going?"

I felt guilty for having to lie to Alice, but I needed to keep this under the radar. I didn't even know what the fuck was going on between Edward and me, and I needed to figure that shit out before I said anything to anybody. Situations like this didn't arise every day for me. I was still shocked that, me, Bella Swan was after a guy. "I'm meeting up with that new guy Jacob that we work with." It was the best excuse I could come up with. Crappy, but it worked.

"Do you like him, Bella?" she sang in an incredibly annoying tone.

"No," I snapped. "I don't like him. He's a cool guy and we're just gonna chill for a bit."

"Okie dokie, have fun! I'm gonna go pass out now." She stumbled to her bedroom and everything went silent.

I blew out a low breath and swallowed thickly. I had a weird fucking feeling that lying to Alice was going to blow up in my face. I shook my head and pushed away my worried thoughts. I looked at my watch and noticed that it had been about an hour since I let Edward fucking walk away from me. Hopefully I could scout him out.

I practically ran out of the fucking house and jogged up the street. I never asked him what bar he had planned to go to, so my frustration was, again, starting to get the best of me. The only good thing about this situation was that I lived close enough to Downtown that it only took me ten minutes to get there.

Once I got to the middle of where all the excitement happened within the city of Vancouver, I stopped and looked around. I took in each bar, club, store, and came up with nothing. I pulled out a smoke, lit it, and inhaled, instantly calming my nerves.

_Bella, you are not a fucking chick that freaks out over guys. Get with it! Just calm the fuck down. You're cool, calm, and collected._

_Fuck off!_

I grumbled to myself as I made my way up the street and stopped suddenly, my heart starting to pound erratically within my chest. _Why didn't I think of this sooner! _I thought to myself. Here I had always thought I was smart, and now I was anything but. The first place I should have checked was the bar that we had a beer at. I scurried the rest of the way, showed the bouncer my ID, and walked in. I tucked my hair behind my ears and pushed through the crowded areas. I had fucking imbeciles stepping on my feet and bumping into me. As I was looking around I caught eyes with one guy and he gave me the elevator stare and bit his lip.

I scowled. "Get a grip, you fucking loser," I yelled at him over the loud, pounding song that was vibrating the whole floor. "Nobody wants you!" I saw his face slightly fall before I walked past him and continued to scout the bar. It wasn't that big, and I covered the whole bar in less than five minutes. I didn't see Edward, or any of the cast members he was shooting with. I knew in this movie he was shooting with Rosalie Hale and Emmett McCarty – yeah, I fucking knew that. It was officially a sad moment for me.

I sighed and left the bar, nodding at the bouncer on the way out. I crossed my arms over my chest and slowly walked up the sidewalk, my increasing doubt of ever seeing Edward dominating me. I hated how my heart felt heavy, and the feeling of my stomach hitting the floor. I was a lost cause, being that everything good that ever fucking came into my path I abolished. Now more than ever I didn't find myself out to be the tough, I-don't-take-shit chick. I was the weak, vulnerable, insecure chick that I always was. I wiped the errant tear that fucking ran down my cheek quickly, and brushed my hand through my hair.

It didn't make sense. I didn't make sense. Edward didn't make sense. Life didn't make sense. I was confused as fuck and I hated every minute of it. Never would I have thought I was the girl who fell for some guy and ran the streets looking for him when I fucking denied him. It was just a beer. Why did I deny that? My breaths started to quicken, threatening to break me down at any minute.

I looked down the sidewalk and noticed these two chicks walking up my way, so I rubbed my face and straightened up. I didn't need the rest of the world thinking I was completely lost and an emotional wreck. They didn't pay me any attention, but I was able to eaves drop on their conversation.

"Vancouver is so sweet, Victoria. We should have gotten a longer vacation package."

"I know, Tanya, it's amazing. Hey, look, it says here that this bar called Eclipse is popular with the hit celebrities. Maybe we should check it out to see if there are any celebs! How cool would that be?"

"Ah! Let's go!" The one named Victoria grabbed Tanya's hand and slowly jogged down the sidewalk.

A hot celebrity hang out? Fuck yes! I watched where they were headed and decided to follow them. I stayed relatively far behind, so they didn't think I was some sort of stalker. I saw them stop suddenly and look up, which I would assume was to the sign, and made their way in. The closer I got to Eclipse the slower I walked towards it. If I thought like my normal self, I was almost positive they would be in there.

I took out another cigarette and lit it, so I didn't look like a loiterer. That way, I would seem normal and not someone scoping out the celebrity that I had turned down. Fuck, what the fuck was I thinking? I took my chance and looked into the huge windows that took up most of the bar's exterior. I quickly, yet efficiently, looked at everybody in the bar. I scanned some hoes, some man-whores, and some complete cougars, coming up with nothing. As I glanced at the door as it opened to see if Edward was sitting at the bar, I caught a black hobo hat in my peripheral vision. Being that I love seeing it on guys, and I wear it as my own accessory, I looked back to where I saw it. My heart immediately stopped.

Edward fucking Cullen.

I started to take longer drags of my cigarette and paced the outside of the bar. I had my chance and now I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do with it. I guess the effect of realizing what you had until it's gone didn't last very long. I wanted to see him, and I wanted to have a beer with him, I just didn't know how the fuck to go about doing it.

I pushed my hand through my hair in frustration, still continuously pacing outside of Eclipse.

"Bella, think, think, think," I kept on repeating to myself. "Just go in there. What the fuck is the big deal? Just go in there and say, 'Hey, Edward, I changed my mind!' Yeah, that would work." I looked around and saw the bouncer staring at me with his eyebrow quirked. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't blame him. I would be doing the same thing.

_WWJD!_

What would Joan do? It was a sad thing that I had to look up to the all iconic Joan Jett, but it worked. I didn't have a chance. If I tried to really think rationally about this, I knew I could be who I was fucking yesterday. The thought of letting somebody alter my rational thinking was just fucking bogus. Not trying to reminisce in my past, but to keep it simple, someone had called me weak and vulnerable and I snapped. I swore to myself from that day on that I would never be seen as that again because I knew I could be strong. I wasn't weak. I wasn't fragile. The reason I hated the situation I was in was because a part of me knew that my shield was faulty, that I could very well fall to the feet of somebody else, especially Edward fucking Cullen. I needed to keep my distance, but here I was closing it between us.

I closed my eyes, praying for an answer from the all-mighty Joan, when I pretty much knew the answer already. I opened my eyes and walked towards the entrance. When I walked in I looked over to where I knew Edward was sitting, and he was walking towards me smiling.

"So, you finally made a decision to come in and see me?" he asked, chuckling.

I shook my head in confusion. "What do you mean?" I felt heat rush up my neck and spread through my ears.

"Well, I mean, you were pacing outside there for quite some time," he chuckled, quirking his eyebrow at me.

I nodded in embarrassment and pushed my hand through my hair. "That I did. That I did," I repeated to him.

"I'm that much of a tough decision, huh?"

I looked up and glared at him. "Don't make me think I made the wrong one, Cullen!" I laughed.

"Would you like a beer or whatever…?"

"Yeah, that'd be good right about now, actually."

Edward turned around and started heading towards the bar, as I tried to follow him a group of people cut me off and I was left behind. I immediately felt embarrassed and I closed my eyes willing away my tears. _Not fucking now, Swan! You don't cry. _Before I could open my eyes back up, something warm grabbed my hand. I opened my eyes and it was Edward smiling at me, and pulling me towards him. Finally, we made it to the bar and we sat down on the stools.

He looked at me and smirked. "You gotta watch out, or else you'll get yourself trampled on."

I nodded slowly and smiled at him.

Edward looked at me for a few moments, and then looked down at his coaster, picking at it. "So you changed your mind?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess I did."

He called the bartender and asked for two beers, before he turned to face me. He set two down on the bar and slid one to me. Edward lifted up his beer mid-air. "Should we make a toast?"

I laughed. "To what exactly?"

"Something cheesy. Like, new friends, or to the beautiful girl sitting next to me."

I scoffed. "That was incredibly lame, Edward. You're turning me off." I smiled and took a pull from my beer.

Edward laughed, and I chuckled mid-sip. "So you were turned on before I said anything?"

I choked on my beer and gaped at him, wide eyed. "Oh, Cullen, you wish." He shrugged and nudged my shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows at me. "Dream on, Edward." I shook my head slightly. "So tell me…"

"Tell you what?" he asked curiously.

"How are you in this fucking crowded bar and people aren't bombarding you for photos or autographs?"

"Hmm. Well, I did sign some autographs earlier…took a few photos."

"How are you going unnoticed now? I'm kinda paranoid." I looked around to see if there was a swarm of female obsessed fans making their way. Luckily they weren't.

"This bar is known for celebrities. There is some pretty decent security here, and so they know if there are chicks here to pounce on us, or if they are here to mingle and have drinks. Usually the fans that come up aren't crazy, you know?"

I nodded in response. "Yeah…so, how do you handle it all? Like, your fame?" I knew I was getting into acting, and though I wasn't expecting to get superfuck famous, it was nice to have a celebrity's point of view.

"I actually don't handle it," he said, taking a sip from his beer. "I just take it day- by-day. Every day, though it seems the same, it's different."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Is it hard?"

"What? Fame?"

"Yeah."

"It's not hard…it's just overwhelming and sometimes unnerving. I'm not used to it, even still. In photos I look all calm and collected on the red carpet, but know when all those fucking paps are taking pictures, I'm pretty much shitting my pants," he informed me, smiling.

"Good to know that if I ever come across you on a red carpet you'll smell like shit, rather than Dolce or something."

He scoffed. "Dolce? Please. Even though I have major funds, I stick to my Old Spice."

I had to laugh out loud. "That's kinda…Giant Tigerish, but I guess I can't complain. I mean, you're down to earth and that's awesome."

"I'm honestly glad you see that. Don't gag or anything, but I'm glad you came, Bella."

I took a deep breath, trying to remain calm from the cheesiness. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm glad I came, too. So, uh, I thought you said you were going to be here with your cast members," I rushed out, diverting the spotlight off of me. After all, he was the celebrity.

Edward looked over his shoulder and pointed to the corner of the bar. "Yeah, Rosalie, Emmett, Jane, and Felix are over there. We're all friends, but the rest of the crew usually part ways."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry I'm keeping them from you."

Edward quickly looked back at me. "No!" he yelled. "I mean, no, you're not keeping me from them. I remember telling you that if you came I would have a beer with_ you_. No third wheels on the menu here, Bella."

I looked down feeling like a total idiot. "Yeah, I know, I'm a peg-whore."

"You're not a peg-wore, Bella, but I'm just glad you have a different perspective. You're cool, and I like having your company."

It was now or never. Either I could loosen up and tell him what I thought, or I could continuously shut people out and be a loner with ten cats when I'm older. I dismissed the ladder. "Yeah, Edward, you're cool, too. Which brings me to my next questi-"

"Edward!" I turned around a saw two chicks make their way over to where Edward was sitting. He looked over and smiled at them. I put my hood over my head and before I looked away, I saw Edward give me an apologetic look. I turned around and faced away from them. I wanted to remain unnoticed and avoid any unwanted attention. "Oh, my god! Can we have your picture and autograph?"

"Yeah, sure." There was silence for a few moments, which I could only assume he was signing autographs. I saw a few flashes in my peripheral vision, before Edward spoke up again. "Thanks, ladies."

"No! THANK YOU!" the chicks squealed. I saw them walk past me, so I turned back to face Edward.

"Sorry about that, Bella."

I waved my hand at him, dismissing his apology. "It's expected, Edward. Don't worry."

"So what were you saying? You had a question?"

"Uh, yeah." I shook my head trying to remember what I had wanted to ask him. "I want us to be completely honest with each other. I know that sounds like a huge weight, being that we don't really know each other, but I need to know this shit. I'm a very open person, and I like to get to the point. Keep it straight up and simple."

"Agreed. I'm the same way. I'm not here to hide anything from you, Bella. So, if you have any questions, just spill it."

I took a swig of my beer and swallowed hard. I let out a low breath and cracked my knuckles. Game on. I turned to face him. "You're here for two more weeks, right?"

"Yes."

"I know this is kind of out there, but what's the deal with me, then? I mean, I'm not expecting anything, but I am at the same time. I don't wanna be someone you pass the time with or whatever…" I internally kicked myself in the mouth. I sounded like a desperate piece of shit. Bella Swan: loser.

Edward nodded, and picked at his beer label. "Yeah…Well, I don't want anything from you, either. Like, what you think I want. Fuck, this isn't coming out right. Look, I have to be completely honest with you, too."

I looked at him curiously and quirked my eyebrow. "Go on…"

"Did you wanna jet? I'm ready to leave. We could walk around or I could take you home. That way we can talk without interruption."

I took a last swig of my beer before I answered, "We can just wing the night. If I end up back home, I end up back home." I was curious to know what the fuck the truth he wanted to tell me was. I was nervous and my hands, once again, felt clammy.

"Cool." Edward got up and grabbed my wrist, pulling me through the bar and the threshold of the exit. He let go and we continued to walk beside each other down the street. We both pulled out our Camels at the same time and we laughed in unison. "Great minds think alike, I guess."

I put my smoke in my mouth and lit it before I answered, "Well, I do have a great mind." I winked at him.

Edward rolled his eyes and laughed. "That you do."

"So c'mon, Cullen, speak the truth." I saw Edward's chest heave a bit before he looked at me again. He stared directly into my eyes, and I found myself unable to look away. I swallowed hard.

"Okay, so you know that fifteen dollar tip you got about a few weeks ago?"

I furrowed my eyebrows trying to think back to my fifteen dollar tip. I looked at him and my eyes widened. "That was you! Get the fuck out!" I hit the side of his arm and he grabbed it, pulling me into a head lock. We continued to walk down the sidewalk in that position. "Feel free to let me go whenever, Edward." I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him really hard. I could smell the Old Spice of his cologne and the leather of his jacket. Sweet, sweet, goodness. An errant thought ran through my mind – I was finally letting the fuck go.

Edward messed up my hair before he let me go, causing me to growl at him. He laughed hysterically at my unimpressed look. "Oh, Bella, you're one feisty chick. _Anyways_," he continued, and then stuck his tongue out at me. "That was me. I was standing in line and I heard you and your friend talking about me. Why am I not good enough for Crappy House Coffee?" I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. I guess he took that as a license to continue. "Before I continue, I just wanted to let you know that cheesy alert is coming up, so if you wanna barf bag we can run into Safeway and grab a plastic bag."

"Ha-ha, Edward. On with your story. I'm sure I can handle it," I said in mock disappointment, but didn't go over to well when, the smile I couldn't hold any longer, came out in full force.

He returned the smile, and my knees went weak. "Well, when I saw you…and got a glimpse of your personality, I was just attracted." I groaned out loud. "Bella, please, I know it's cheesy," he whined back. "But being involved in Hollywood is fucked up. You don't meet normal people, and I find that I'm the only normal one there."

"Edward, you're not normal. Stop fooling yourself," I laughed.

"Pfft_." _He smiled, giving me the finger. "Look, I'm just going to make this short and sweet. You have the choice to believe me or not."

"Okay, shoot."

"I only have one best friend, Jasper, who keeps me sane in this whirlwind of Hollywood. I'm not used to all this red carpet bullshit, and quite frankly, I don't want to be. When I came into The Coffee House you were answering the questions about me truthfully. You didn't see me as some celeb, you saw me as a normal fucking person. You're cool, and I just wanted to get to know you better. Maybe stay friends. All right, cheesiness over with."

Maybe stay friends? Punch in the gut, number one. "Okay, I took in what you just said, but before I answer you, did you just say your best friend's name was Jasper?"

Edward looked slightly confused, but honestly, get the fuck out. Coincidence? "Uh, yeah, his name is Jasper."

"That is just too fucking good." I shook my head and took a drag of my smoke.

"Why?"

"Nah, just curious. It's an unusual name, that's all. All right to answer your question, I understand where you are coming from. I don't see the big deal in fame because I'm attending acting school." I looked up at him and took in his reaction.

"You're taking acting?"

"Yes. And don't think that I only came to the bar because I might have lost my chance to grab some fame. That's not what I'm after and that's why I never told you. So you didn't look at me that way."

"I don't think of you that way, Bella. I get why you wouldn't tell me that. I was fucked over awhile ago in that department."

I looked at him curiously and bit my bottom lip. "What do you mean? What happened?"

"Let's just say you can't trust anybody, okay?"

I got the feeling he didn't want to dwell on the subject, so I just let it go. "Okay. Advice taken." I smiled at him, hoping he would understand that this discussion wasn't supposed to fucking go downhill. "So, want some of my Cheese Whiz?"

He laughed again, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. "Cheeze Whiz? I'm guessing you're gonna be cheesy with me now?

"Yep."

"Okay, then I would love some Cheese Whiz."

"Here goes. When I had that beer with you at the pub a few weeks ago, I was very …intrigued. " I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and internally groaned for what I was about to say. "You were actually what I secretly wanted you to be. Yeah, I'll admit, I pegged you, but I honestly thought you were too good to be true. You were pretty much flawless and so fucking down-to-earth that something had to be wrong with you."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I'm serious, Edward."

"No, I know. I get it. But now you can see that I am fucking normal, so no surprises."

"Yeah, that's fucking awesome." I looked ahead of me, finally getting hold of my surroundings and realized we were in my neighborhood. "Uh, my place is just down the street."

"Oh, okay. I'll walk you down."

"Okay, cool." We continued to walk down my street in silence before Edward spoke up again.

"So, can I actually take you out somewhere?"

I looked at him and my chest constricted. Edward _fucking Cullen is asking me out on a date!_

"Where do you wanna take me?" Ugh, as if I was fucking agreeing. I liked it. Fuck.

"I don't know, out for dinner or you…never mind."

"No, what? Tell me." Edward looks reluctant to tell me, so I pressed on. "Just tell me, wuss."

He sighed. "I have to go on the Ellen DeGeneres show in a couple days, and I was going to ask you if you would like tickets for the audience."

Ellen DeGeneres tickets? Holy fuck this was too surreal. I never thought that one day Edward Cullen would be standing on my fucking porch, asking me if I wanted to go to her show. Saying yes would be going against everything I ever stood for, but Joan was screaming at me to go…I would go.

"Yeah, I would like a ticket," I admitted. Is it possible to hate yourself so much that you end up loving yourself instead? If it was – I was the poster girl.

"Are you serious?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah, why?" I asked him, walking up my driveway.

" I just didn't think you would be cool with being caught up in all the frenzy. For your safety, you know?"

"So you don't wanna give me the ticket?"

"Did you hear what I said? I'm weary about it. I don't want you to get caught up in all that tabloid bullshit. I wouldn't wish that upon anybody."

"I won't get caught up in it. Different transportation, no meeting before or after the show."

"You know your stuff, don't ya?" he laughed.

"It's common sense, Edward."

He scoffed. "Touché." We both laughed and stood in silence for few moments. "So, uh, I should give you my number. Text me so I can get yours?"

Edward fucking Cullen giving me his number? Somebody fucking pinch this bitch.

He pulled out his cigarette pack and pulled off the tab, and then took a sharpie out of his pocket. I quirked my eyebrow at him. "It's for autographs."

"Ah, makes sense." I nodded.

"Okay, here is my number." I took the piece of cardboard and caressed it lightly, secretly worshiping it. "So, text me okay? I want your number."

"Yeah, right." I swallowed hard. _Edward Cullen's number. Edward Cullen's number,_ my thoughts kept chanting.

"Thanks for coming out tonight, Bella, and for hearing me out." He smiled.

"Yeah, no problem. I had a good time. Ah, that reminds me. I'm…uh…sorry for acting like a complete bitch, you didn't deserve that."

Edward waved his hand and dismissed my apology. "Don't think twice about it, Bella. I understand where you were coming from. I'm just gonna prove to you that you're completely wrong." He punched my shoulder lightly and laughed.

"Yeah, well, to tell you the truth. I hope I am wrong." _Oh, for fuck sake, Bella, you sound like a really bad after school special._

Edward smiled and took my hand in his, squeezing it gently. _Edward Cullen is touching me. Edward Cullen is holding my hand. My hand! _He brought it up to his mouth and kissed my knuckles gently.

I was going to faint.

"I…I like…um…I like Cheese Whiz sandwiches a lot now," I stuttered out, my breath taken away. No one has_ ever_ been able to take my breath away. The situation I found myself in was cheesy galore, but I loved it. Cheese Whiz adds personality.

Edward chucked before he responded. "Well, my father always told me to kiss a ladies hand to win her over. That's how he won my mother…"

"Okay, Edward, I don't want extra Cheese Whiz," I laughed, looking at him intently.

Edward shook his head and smiled. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward. Are you okay with getting back to your hotel?"

"Yeah, it's only about a ten minute walk."

I nodded and waved at him before I opened the door and walked in. I shut the door and leaned up against it and sighed. I took the piece of cardboard with his number on it out of my pocket and looked at it.

**Sexy Smirk AKA Edward Fucking Cullen**

**555-504-0000**

My mouth fell open.


	9. Chop and Change

Chapter Nine –

**BPOV**

I thrashed around in bed and squeezed the pillow to my ears, trying to cut out the fucking continuous squeals and the roar of an engine. Through my disgruntled thoughts I couldn't help but think that the rumble sounded pretty freaking familiar. I threw the pillow across my room and sat up, taking a sip from my water bottle. I let out and low breath and pushed my hand through my hair, trying to wake myself up. I shook my head in frustration. Could a girl fucking sleep in around here?

"Ah, she's gonna love it!" Alice exclaimed.

I looked towards my window, knowing that was where her screeching was coming from. I yawned and stumbled out of bed and went outside to see what all the commotion was. I couldn't care less that I was still in my plaid boxer shorts and Radiohead t-shirt. As I walked outside I squinted due to the bright sun, but soon all that didn't fucking matter. My mouth dropped open at the site. My beautiful, rusty Big Birtha was sitting in my driveway…and so were my parents.

"Bella, baby! Oh, my goodness, I missed you!" Renee yelled, running towards me and embracing me in her tight grasp.

"M-mom, what are you doing here? My truck…" I mumbled, half asleep.

"Bella!" Alice came barreling down the yard, clapping. "Your Mom and Dad came to visit for a couple of days, and they brought your truck! Now we don't have to go around on the bus!"

I looked at my mom and quirked my eyebrow. "I have a funny feeling you didn't just care about my lack of good transportation."

Renee wrapped her arm around my shoulder, motioning me to walk down the driveway with her, laughing. "You were also so perspective, baby. Of course your father and I came down to visit you as well. I wanted to check out where you lived, and see how much fun you were having."

"And you couldn't call first?"

"Now, Bella, you know your mother doesn't think rationally," Charlie quipped, grinning.

I smiled and walked into Charlie's open arms, hugging him tightly. "Hey, Dad."

"Charlie, I think rationally!" Renee interjected

"Hey, kid. It's, uh, it's good to see you." Charlie totally ignoring Renee. Too fucking awesome.

"Yeah, you, too, Dad."

"Charlie!"

He rolled his eyes and looked over to Renee. "Yes, dear, you're rational.

"Bella, let's go for a drive!" Alice complained.

I pushed my hand through my hair and quickly walked over to my truck. "I..I can't believe you guys brought my truck. That's…just fucking awesome!"

"Bella, watch you language!"

I rolled my eyes. It was nice to see Renee and Charlie, but a little notice would have been nice. I tensed automatically when I remembered I was going to L.A to see Edward and Ellen DeGeneres. "Mom? Dad? How long are you guys staying for?"

"Oh, just a couple of days, sweetie," Renee answered, rubbing Charlie's shoulders. "Why? Would you like us to stay longer?"

"NO!" Charlie's eyes grew wide and gave me a questioning look. "I mean, no, I know you have things to do. Plus, I'll be busy with or and acting classes, so…"

"Don't worry, Bells, we won't wear out or welcome," Charlie quipped.

Good.

"Let's all go out for breakfast!" Alice screeched, jumping in the passenger's side of my truck.

"Oh, that is such a great idea! Bella, your father and I will ride in our car, you and Alice lead, okay?" Renee clapped her hands and rushed towards the car.

I looked over and Charlie and we both rolled our eyes at the same time as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "It's good to see ya, kid."

I smiled. "Yeah, yeah."

**Do you live people, preferably me, doing generous things for you? –E**

I looked at the text message Edward sent as I was enjoying the newly rewarded freedom, being that my parents just left. In two days I would be off to L.A to see Edward. I was pretty fucking nervous, but yet stoked for it all. I was incredibly nervous, and I had to pinch some money from my savings for this trip. I didn't care if I didn't have food for a few weeks – living on edge and seeing Edward filled me more.

I smiled and bit my lip like a fucking pre-teen.

**Uh, depends. I don't usually like receiving things. It makes me feel fucking awkward. Why? –B**

Not even a minute later I received a response.

**I bought your ticket to come to L.A-E**

My face suddenly flushed from embarrassment. I barley fucking knew the guy and he was spending hundreds of dollars on a fucking plane ticket for me. I didn't like that. I didn't like when people fucking assumed shit. Not only that, but I knew I could never repay him. Fuck. I hated this.

**I could have bought my own ticket, Edward-B**

**I know. I just thought that because I asked you, I would pay. Think of it as the principal of a date. If I asked you out on a date, then I would pay, right?**

Right, but still…this wasn't a date.

**I understand…I just don't have anything to repay you with-B**

**You being there is payment enough, Bella –E**

My chest constricted and I ended up making some croaking sound from being so excited. I closed my eyes tight and bounced my feet quickly on and off the floor.

_Bella, what the fuck? STOP._

I immediately sobered up and composed myself, though I was desperately trying to hold back a smile. My rational thought says that it was incredibly cheesy.

**Cheeeezzzzeee Whhhiiizzz-B**

**LOL. Last I remembered, you liked Cheese Whiz sandwiches. I'm just delivering :P –E**

Asshole. Smart asshole.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

**You win this time, Cullen. Where do I pick up this fucking ticket?**

**Just to go the airport on Thursday. Your flight is at 10am. Just bring your ID and the checkout will take care of the rest.-E**

**When is the show?-B**

**Friday morning-E**

I continued to re-read his text message over and over. Finally, my realization kicked in and I would be fucking spending the night in L.A with Edward. What the fuck did this mean? Do we have different rooms, do I have to pay for the hotel? Where do I make reservations? What the fuck did this mean? What the fuck! I…I couldn't spend the night with Edward. Honestly, really, he probably hadn't even booked us in the same room. I probably have some cheap as motherfucker of a Motel, and Edward would be saying at Four Seasons. My heart sank and my hands became very shaky. Before I could come up from air from all my thoughts, my phone vibrated in my hand.

**Before you completely freak out, the hotel is booked for you already. Everything is confirmed and ready to roll. All you need to bring is yourself. I'll pick you up from the Airport.**

An errant though of swarming paps rolled around in my head, but I quickly dismissed it. Surely he would take his safety, and my anonymity into account.

**Okay…see you then-B**

**Look forward to it-E**

I didn't respond, I wanted to keep my "mysterious, messed-up chick" status. I tapped off my iPhone and grabbed my bag, packing up a few things. I never understood how Alice came to Vancouver with four suitcases and a carry on, and I came with two suitcases and a school bag. People like that bother me…maybe a little too much.

After everything was packed up and ready to go, I fell back on the couch and flipped through some channels. Being that I never fucking watch TV, I got frustrated with scanning and shut it off. I leaned back and thought about how the fuck I was coming to uncomplicated my fucking complicated upcoming few days. What the fuck was I going to tell Alice? Should I even tell her? Ugh, all this was so fucking frustrating. The relationship Edward and I had together was nothing but a couple of beers and some fucking Cheese Whiz. Throwing out that he was a celebrity he would be just some normal guy not worth mentioning. And that right there should have rung the alarm for me, should have posted a fucking warning. Every day I found myself falling for Edward and I knew that I shouldn't be.

This wasn't what I wanted to get caught up in, this wasn't what was supposed to happen. Instead of living in the "right now" I was thinking about the future and how fucked up it was going to become from here on out. First, I was hiding it from my best fucking friend, which I knew was going to blow up in my face. Second, my parents would fucking flip out! They would tell me I wasn't thinking about my safety, and that I should focus on something real.

I shook my head at people's term for "real". This was my fucking reality.

Third, what was I going to become? What kind of reputation would I get? I would get a bad reputation. Not that I fucking cared, but honestly, I didn't need any more bitches on my plate. I didn't need any snide or rude comments being whispered behind my back. Also, if I really thought about this, I would be hanging out with Edward Cullen. I would be the "mystery" girl he was hanging out with. I could see it now. Extra, Extra, read all about it! Edward Cullen dating rude girl with no manners…

"Bella!" Alice called, pulling me out of my self-torturing thoughts.

I shook my head and focused on her. "Uh, hey, Alice."

Alice's face fell suddenly and she looked concerned. She walked over and sat beside me on the couch. "Are you okay, Bella? What's wrong?"

I pushed my hand through my hair, nervous about whether or not I should tell her. I knew I was the poster girl for being upfront and honest, but that was where other people were concerned, not me.

I let out a low breath and fought with my conscience. It was right. "Something isn't exactly wrong…"

"Is Coffee House giving you a hard time? Fuck I hate that place. You know, we should totally-"

"Alice," I interrupted. "Shut-up." Alice pursed her lips and quirked her eyebrow, clearly giving me the unimpressed look. "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind…Fuck."

"It's okay, Bella, you can tell me anything. Take your time."

I didn't understand why I was having such a fucking hard time doing this. What was I so concerned about? Her high fucking enthusiasm or my potential jealousy that she could possibly take him away from me? The ladder told me I was being completely absurd and fucked up. I had to tell her now, just so I could defy my fucked up rationality.

I took a deep breath. "Alice, there is something I need to tell you." I looked at her and noticed she was wringing her hands together. "Don't get all nervous, it's nothing like that, okay?"

Her body immediately relaxed and she smiled. "Of course. Sorry, you know I'm paranoid. I don't like people being disappointed."

"Yeah…I know. Look, remember the other day when, um, when I went to see Jacob?"

"Yeah…"

"It wasn't with Jacob." My stomach fell to the floor, pulling my body with it. I rested my elbows on my knees and continued, being that Alice stayed silent. "It, um, it was with…"

"Uh, Bella just spit it out! I mean, it's not like it was Edward Cullen."

I chucked humorlessly and shook my head. "What if it was, Alice?" I looked her straight in the eyes.

"You would have told me sooner, you would have been flipping shit!" she laughed.

"No, I wouldn't have. Look, it _was_ with Edward Cullen."

Alice squinted her eyes and thought for a moment before she spoke again. "I'm not saying I don't believe you, but see it from my point of view. You went on a _date-"_

"It wasn't a date-" I interrupted.

She rolled her eyes and gave me a pointed look. "You went out with Edward Cullen and you didn't think to tell me. Why wouldn't you tell me? Do you not trust me?" She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head to the side.

Fuck. This. Shit.

"No, Alice, that's not it. The reason why I didn't come skipping home to tell you is because I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I was shocked and everything had happened so fast. Okay, let me start from the beginning…"

I went on to tell Alice how I had walked passed Edward Downtown a few weeks ago , how we got to talking, and ended up having a beer together. I made it clear that I never thought I would see him again, so I didn't bother bringing it up, because even to me the whole situation was surreal. Next, I went on to tell her how he was the guy we served that had given us the fifteen dollar tip, to how he was waiting for me outside of the Coffee House after my evening shift, and how it lead us to where we are now.

"So, you're going to L.A to watch him on Ellen?"

"Yes." I let out a low breath and relaxed, grateful that I finally got all of it off my fucking shoulders.

Alice sat there for a moment picking at her nails. "Were you ever going to tell me?" She looked up and I could see disappointed, and I couldn't fucking take her being upset with me.

"Alice, believe me when I say I never wanted to fucking hold this from you. I just didn't want to make some big deal out of this to have it blow up in my face. I was more concerned about keeping all of this hidden, and keeping it from blowing it in my face, that I hurt you, obviously, in the process. Please know, Al, that it wasn't my intention.

Alice sighed and smiled. Thank God. "I believe you. But please, Bella, next time fucking tell me! Don't hid anything from me, okay?"

"I promise."

"So, have you guys kissed!" she laughed, clapping her hands.

I slouched down and placed my forehead in the palm of my hand, groaning. This was going to be a long fucking night.

I was sitting nine rows back from center stage and the crowed was screeching, roaring, clapping, screaming as Edward made it to the stage. When I saw him walk out and wave at everybody as he made his way to Ellen, I felt completely proud. Me, Bella Swan, proud? Holy fuck. My whole world fucking changed and I was still trying to get my hold on everything. Pushing that aside, I watched as Ellen stood up and hugged Edward, exchanging words. The crowed continued to scream and shout. It was so loud my fucking ear drums were vibrating. I didn't take my eyes off Edward, I focused in on him until I saw him look up and catch eyes with mine. I smiled weakily and he returned it, though the rest of the audience thought it was endearing. Ha, because they thought it was to them. Losers.

Finally the crowed calmed down and everybody sat the fuck down. Most of the interview was catching up on his family, his previous movies, how he got his fame…then the dreadful question came and my heart sank. I grabbed on to the arm rests of my seat and dug my nails into the plastic, feeling my nails bend back.

"So, Edward, is there anything new going on in your life right now?" Ellen asked, smiling at him.

Edward pushed his hand through his hair and chuckled lightly. "It's been hectic, but it's been good. Actually, I discovered something a few days ago, and I'm obsessed with them."

Ellen's eyes bulged and she laughed. "Well, what is it. Don't leave us hanging! You already know our obsession, you, so you tell us yours," she laughed.

The whole crowed cheered and applauded. I sat very, very still, afraid to move.

"I absolutely love Cheese Whiz sandwiches."

"Oh, well, that's something to be obsessed about," she said sarcastically, laughing.

My mouth fell open.

"Well, this friend of mine introduced them to me and I crave them all the time."

"Friend, huh. That brings me to my next question!" Edward laughed and looked at the audience, already knowing what question was going to be asked. The question I was fucking dreading. "Are you still single? Or are you dating anybody?"

Edward smiled and became really shy. "Well…I'm working on something right now." Edward looked at the audience and winked. I knew it was directed to me.

Edward Fucking Cullen wanted something more than what was going on. Right?

"So, you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh…something like that."

I inwardly fainted. The audience started to cheer and I stayed silent, yet again, exploded with goosebumps all over my body. The smile on my face was so wide it was fucking beginning to hurt. A few weeks ago I never imagined myself meeting Edward Cullen, let alone being at the Ellen DeGeneres show where Edward was admitting he wanted something more with me.

I found myself excited for what was to come and what I was about to experience from here on out. I excitement drilled through my bones and pulsed through my blood. Everything I always wanted, yet denied, was coming at my full force. I just didn't know what I had done to deserve all of it, so at any moment I was expecting it to end. But honestly, I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to go back, I wanted to move forward, which was the whole reason I had moved to Vancouver in the first place. I would take whatever I was handed and run, live my life the way I was meant to, the way I want to.

For once, I didn't care about what I got out of everything. For once, I didn't selfishly care about what I could gain. For once, I didn't think about my future. For once, I didn't think about how I could greedily experience things.

For once, I didn't just think about myself.

For once, I wanted to share my life and experiences with somebody.

For once, I finally found something worth living for, worth experiencing.

For once, it was about me and Edward Cullen.

For once, it was okay.


	10. Tighten Up

Chapter Ten – Tighten Up.

**BPOV**

After the show was done, I tried my best to get out of the crowd before everyone started heading out together. It didn't work. I was stuck waiting behind so many fucking people, internally screaming for them to get a fucking move on.

"Edward is so fucking hot! I would fuck him in an instant," a girl said to her friend from behind me. I sniggered and shook my head.

Get a life.

I needed a life. What was I doing? Here I was in L.A., watching Edward on Ellen DeGeneres. I was pretty much the mysterious friend. It was like I had two identities. The first one fled away with a celebrity and lived the high life in secrecy, while my second half was a broke bitch that worked at a coffee shop that sucked the life out of me. On top of it all, I was an aspiring actress. One half of my life didn't seem to be parallel with the other. I needed to focus on my shit and get a clue.

I huffed and looked back scowling at everybody when I had finally gotten the fuck out of the studio. I was supposed to wait at the side of the building for my ride to come pick me up. It was one of Edward's drivers. That freaked the shit out of me. Here I was, trying to stay the fuck out of the public eye, and in doing so, I was fucking diving head first in the frenzy.

I just wanted a poster to hang on my wall, telling me what to do next. I wanted somebody to give me direction, or better yet, I wanted somebody to tell me how the fuck my life was going to unravel. I was a bitter bitch who needed to stand back and cry for help.

Edward had said on stage that he liked me. Well, not in those exact words, but I could only hope he meant _me. _I mean, we had never discussed where our "relationship" was going, but then we barely knew each other. It seemed we were bumped into these situations, but neither of us did anything about them.

What place was I in to even think about the possibility of Edward and I as a couple? Did I even want that? My heart creamed yes, but my mind convinced it to shy away. I was fucked up in every single meaning of the word. I did my best to stay away from people, not wanting to draw them in, to know who I was as a person. I watched Edward from afar for a while now, and I didn't know if I wanted to become up close and personal with him. There was opportunity, I knew that, but what I didn't know was how difficult this whole process was. Joan would have bitched slapped me by now. I was a sad excuse for an empowered woman. I was a hardcore believer that when women felt empowered that their dreams could become a beautiful reality, but of course, I didn't count myself in that. I didn't belong.

Every fiber of my being last night restrained me from kissing Edward's Cajun lips last night. What normal girl, who was in a hotel room with Edward Cullen, would pass up a chance to kiss him, or better yet…fuck him.

Damn morals.

Yeah, sure, my morals were way fucking different than those focused on by society, but I had them. So fuck off.

As my ride pulled up and I got in, I still hadn't come to a decision. What the decision was, that was something I still had no clue about. I didn't even know what decision I was trying to find an answer to. That was how confused I was. I had everything practically being handed to me. I was sitting in a tinted window, black SUV, with a driver who was dropping me off to have lunch with my most popular celebrity friend, and I couldn't find an urge to jump up and down.

Maybe because everything was just too easy. Maybe because I wasn't working for what I wanted most. I moved to Vancouver to get focused and try my hand at acting, but everything was just…changing. Whether I had fucking control over it or not. I closed my eyes and willed my confusing, nonsense thoughts to the back of my mind and placed myself in the now.

I pulled out my cellphone and saw that I had one text message. I was so into my thoughts, I had forgotten about my incessant need to check my phone every five fucking minutes.

**How did you like the show? –E**

I smiled at the text, but shook my head at his absurdity. I was seeing him very soon, and yet he wanted to have a conversation over text message. I was bored, so I decided to fool around with him. Believe me, as Renee had always told me, only I found my antics amusing. They were.

**What are you wearing? –B**

No more than a minute later I received a text message back.

**A leopard print thong and a straw cowboy hat. –E **

I laughed out loud and looked up at the driver, who was now staring at me through the rear-view mirror. I immediately looked down, blushing.

Bella Swan blushing? The world just fucking changed direction. I turned into some turned on, easy going chick. Something had to be in the water.

For fuck sake.

**Same here. –B**

His response was so fast that I had no time to even look up from my iPhone screen.

**Woah, no top? Lemme see! Lemme see!**

I scoffed. Yeah, Edward getting a look at my B cup tits wasn't going to happen. They were so small, that I was sure my camera wouldn't be able to pick up the shape of them. I internally laughed and shook my head.

"Miss Swan, we are here," the driver announced.

I looked up from my phone and put in my pocket, taking in my surroundings. The driver opened up the door for me, and I stepped out in complete awe. It had always been a dream of mine to visit L.A. and it felt like a huge breath of fresh-air to be here. It felt like home. I felt like I belonged here.

I knew I could have just moved here from Forks, but Vancouver had one of the best acting schools. I was looking for an escape route. I wanted to have a new life, a new beginning…literally.

"Thanks for the ride," I said to the driver, whose name-tag stated Sam.

"No problem, Miss Swan."

I nodded and headed towards the entrance of the café. It was nice and quaint, small and discrete. The outside looked completely vintage with worn out posters on the windows, chipped red bricks, and rock music coming out from within.

I hesitantly walked through the threshold and looked around nervously, trying to find Edward. I saw a waving hand in the distance, and there was Edward sitting in a booth at the far end. I smiled and made my way over to him.

"What? No leopard print thong and straw cowboy hat? What a crock!" Edward laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh back, instantly relaxing my nerves. "I could say the same for you. I was looking forward to it."

He shook his head and smiled, my heart beating wildly as his facial structure defined. He was so beautiful.

"What?" Edward questioned, looking taken aback.

I sat down across from him and quirked my eyebrow, shaking my head in confusion. "What do you mean what?"

"Uh, you said I was beautiful."

I stopped breathing, the heat of embarrassment infesting every fucking feature on my face. "I was just joking. I mean, I was…Um…"

Did I actually just say he was beautiful out loud?

Fuck me.

He laughed. "Well, if it helps, I think you're…Uh-"

"I get it. Please don't."

The waitress thankfully came up to our table, and I ordered a beer, needing something to kill my shot nerves. I couldn't believe I had just called Edward beautiful. Who did that? I was smarter than that. Oh bloody hell.

"Bella?"

I finally looked back at him and stared directly into his eyes. I was shaking with humiliation and my hands were cold as ice. I wanted to get out. I wanted to leave.

"Y-yes?" I stuttered out.

"Why don't you like people handing you compliments?" he asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"I don't…I don't like it when—Look can we just move on from this?"

"Why don't you like it? I mean, it's not a bad thing when people think you're beautiful."

I groaned and leaned my head against the back of the booth. I looked up at the ceiling and tried taking in the design, willing away my embarrassment and awkwardness. "What are you now? ?"

I fucking hated when people tried to decipher the way I thought. I could see in Edward's eyes that he was trying to figure me out, and I didn't need that shit. Why couldn't people just let me live my life the way I wanted? Why did everybody always want an explanation for my bitchy, bitter, glass-half-empty look at life?

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked worriedly.

I looked back to him and sighed. I took a long pull from my beer before I answered him. "I'm fine. I'm just…I don't know."

"Was it the show? Did I say something to offend you?"

It was about me? He was talking about me? I swallowed thickly and blinked, keeping my eyes closed for a moment.

My heart swelled until it threatened to break free from my chest. My emotions were a fucking whirlwind and fucked up, screaming at me to make up my mind already. I hated when people told me I was beautiful. I hated when people told me I was talented. I hated when people gave me compliments. I hated when people showed interest.

It turned me off and it made me feel differently towards the person who felt that way.

I was scared to death that if Edward actually came out and admitted that he liked me, that I would want nothing to do with him, that I would push him away.

"No, Edward, the complete opposite," I mumbled.

And I found myself falling head first into_ that_ situation.

"Oh."

I glanced up and him and he was grinning, peeling off his beer bottle label.

I bit my lip, biting it until I tasted copper. "Yeah. Oh."

"I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, Edward, don't worry about it. It's cool." He nodded in acceptance. "Edward?"

"Mhm."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"What? About liking Cheese Whiz sandwiches?" He smiled and winked at me, knowing damn well what I was talking about.

Pure torture.

What an asshole.

"Edward," I groaned, "you know what I mean."

"Okay, okay. Well, yeah I did, Bella." He looked at me seriously, nervously playing with the label on the neck of his beer. "I like you."

I cringed and let out a low breath, trying to keep myself from pushing Edward away. "Okay."

His shoulders slightly fell and he looked down. "I guess I shouldn't have really expected anything."

I felt horrible, like somebody had stabbed me in the chest. I had never felt that way and it was hard for me to control them. I didn't know how to handle these new emotions. I didn't even know what the fuck it was called.

The only thing I knew was that I liked him so much that I couldn't let him get close to me. I was too bitter, too negative. I didn't rub off on people the right way.

"Edward, I like you, too, but-" I admitted, more than I would of liked.

"I know, Bella, it's risky for you to be caught up in all this. Believe me, if I could fucking take ten steps back I would."

"Edward, this has nothing to do with your fame. You should be proud of yourself. Do you know how hard it is to get to where you are today? Relish in that, you fucking asshole."

I shook my head at him in disbelief. Fuck the people who didn't know how to appreciate what they had. Dumbass Edward.

He lifted his eyebrows in shock and smiled. "Fiesty." I sniggered and he smirked. "I appreciate what I have, Bella, but what I don't appreciate is that it never lets me get close to people I really want to get close to."

My heart sunk at his words. I completely understood. "It's gonna suck, Edward, but soon enough you will find somebody that you will be able to get close to."

I was officially pushing him away. Damnit.

_God, Bella, you fucking tool! You know he fucking likes you, and he's practically dishing his heart onto his plate and you fucking clam up like a pansy! Tell him you like him! What are you afraid of?_

I winced from my thoughts, and pushed them away. No way was I worthy of a man such as Edward. He deserved better than me. He deserved better than a bitter bitch who couldn't tell her fucking life from her ass.

I wanted so badly to give into them, but I just couldn't. I was used to living independently. I was used to doing things on my own, being my own person. Then, one day, Edward fucking Cullen waltzed in my life and threatens that, and I put my wall up. Celebrity or not.

Deep down inside I knew it was lost cause to get involved with Edward. As normal as he was now, pretty soon the extravagant life would get to him and he would be a complete asshole. Demanding this, shrugging people off, becomes stuck up, and completely high-maintenance. I refused to be the trash that he threw away when he was bored and realized what he was really dealing with. It hurt me to know that one day Edward would become one of them, but I had no other choice.

While I finally admitted this all to myself, my wall was being built. The foundation of it was so strong that I couldn't break it down, but I was doing everything in my power to climb up and fall over to the other side. I fought viciously with my self-conscious. Every day it was a losing battle, and I was content with the fact that I would die a single woman. I was used to making my own choices and telling myself how my life was.

Edward shook his head and looked at me, frustration evident in his features. "I guess so, Bella," he snapped coldly.

"Don't be upset." We both knew what we were talking about –me—but it was being talked about with very few words.

I stared directly into his eyes, silently begging that he would understand that I didn't want this for us. I wanted more than anything to just admit my feelings for Edward, but it was easier said than done. I just needed time to figure my shit out and get my fucked up head in gear before I even thought about opening my mouth.

I knew as I sat directly across from Edward in our little, secluded booth, that I was pushing him farther and farther away by the moment. Who knew how long it would take to figure out my shit. The life that Edward led, he had women on his heels. He could pick any woman he wanted and could be happy for the rest of his life, but I wanted that woman to be me.

Just thinking of Edward being with other women made my blood boil. I felt jealousy searing through my veins at the thought of other women's appreciation for him. He was mine…Nobody else's. If I could just skip the step of admittedly professing like for each other, things could possibly work

I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want him to walk away. I wanted more than anything to be beside Edward through all of this–boyfriend or not. I just needed him. It was pathetic how needy I had become, but maybe…fuck I didn't know. Nothing about the situation I was in was normal or made sense. I just had to go with it. It was the whole building up to the step of being considered into a relationship. Maybe if we just had a silent agreement without all the Cheese Wiz, I wouldn't be turned off. Fucking awesome idea. I looked back at Edward and he looked so sad, so upset. I had to fix it.

As I panicked at the thought that this might be the last time I saw him, and the fact that I would lose him, I stood up and looked directly into his eyes.

"Edward," I said shakily.

He quickly stood up and looked and me worriedly. "Bella are you, oka-"

"Kiss me," I rushed out.

"W-what?" he stuttered out.

"Kiss me for fuck sake, Edward! Quick!"

He placed his hands on each side of my face and smiled. He leaned in closer until his lips mere inches away from mine.

Edward was the Cheese Whiz to my Wonder bread.


	11. Next Girl

Chapter eleven—Next Girl

**EPOV**

I placed my hand on both sides of Bella's face, mere inches away from her bitten lips and smiled "Pretty demanding, huh?" I chuckled and shook my head.

She looked right into my eyes and practically growled. I was an ass—I knew this. "Edward, please!"

I shrugged and smiled. "Never will I deny you anything," I said, knowing it was a nice, fat pile of Cheeze Whiz, and closed the distance between us.

Her lips were so full, so soft, so warm. I could taste her and I wanted more. I had thought about this moment more than I would have liked to admit, but Bella had me, Edward Cullen, smitten. Her lips softly caressing mine felt right—it felt real.

During all my late night rendezvous with other women, not once did I feel as close of a connection as I did with Bella. She was my chance encounter—my prize. All this time being in the public eye, I never thought something good could come from it. I was a goner—a lost cause. Bella was so beautiful, full of spunk, and had a strong backbone. I knew I could learn a few lessons from her, and I tried every day to be refreshed by her. She was my constant—the one who showed me that life was real—had more meaning than a couple million and fame. She was my dose of daily reality, to help me focus on who I was, not what everybody wanted me to be.

I deepened the kiss and brushed my hand through her hair. My pants tightened, and my cock twitched when she moaned into my mouth. I pulled her closer towards me and wrapped my arms around her waist. She reciprocated my movements, but instead, wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers through my hair and tugging at the strands.

I groaned out in pleasure at her close proximity. I reluctantly pulled away from her and saw the fire in her eyes. I wanted to dive right back in, but I wouldn't cheapen Bella by making out with her in a fucking café.

"Did you wanna get out of here?" She nodded and fanned her face. "I'm that hot, huh?"

Bella scrunched her nose and was about to say some snarky retaliation when we heard a male's voice yelling from the entrance. We both glanced that way.

"Holy fuck that is gonna make so much money. I got the perfect shot!" a male voice screamed by the entrance.

Fear drilled through my bones, and I glanced from Bella to the front door of the, seeing paparazzi smiling with their cameras in hand. Bella quickly turned away from the flashing lights in her face.

"FUCK!" I yelled, taking my jacket and throwing it over a panic-struck Bella.

"Edward-" she said worriedly.

"Just…just come with me, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pushed through the swarming fans and paparazzi, the clicking sounds and screams making bile rise up in my throat. Not for myself, but for Bella. She didn't deserve any of this.

She would leave—they all did.

Bella wrapped her arms around my waste and tried to keep up with my running. "Edward, I'm getting tired."

"Please, Bella, just keep running. It's all those Camels wearing you down, I think," I joked, hoping it would ease the tension we both felt. I prayed she wasn't upset.

She looked up and me and quirked her eyebrow. "Real funny, Cullen. I fucking look like E.T without the basket and bike."

I threw my head back and laughed. I was glad she could find some humor in the chaos we were caught in the middle of. I pulled out my cell phone and called the driver to pull around at the nearest seven-eleven and come pick us up.

"Sam, please pick us up at the seven-eleven up the street. We'll be behind the building. Please hurry, fuck," I pleaded, slamming my phone shut.

As soon as we made it behind the convenience store, we leaned against the brick exterior and caught our breath. "So, do you have to, like, pass a physical fitness test before your agent takes you on?" Bella questioned, smirking at me.

"Nope. I'll bring that up to her, though. I think that might come in handy."

"Good. You should also have a celebrity for dummies book in your pocket for situations like these," Bella said, walking away.

I frowned and my heart sunk to the ground. I had upset her, obviously, and I hated myself for it. I made a pact a while back that I would never get close to somebody and drive them away like this. My body suddenly boiled with frustration as I watched her inch farther and farther away from me. I couldn't let her do that, not after all this. I looked around quickly to see if any paps caught on to us, and thankfully they didn't.

_Fuck. Why now? Why did this only happen to me?_

_Go catch her, you fucking loser!_

"Bella!" I called out, jogging towards her.

She looked back and stopped, waiting for me to catch up. "What?" she snapped.

I ran my hand through my hair, and then grabbed her hand. "At least let me drive you back to the hotel. Just…just don't leave. I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. I should have been more careful."

Bella shook her head and looked at me with confusion. "Edward, I'm not going anywhere. I'm fucking exhausted and I'm thirsty. I'm just going in to get a fucking slurpee. Do you want one?"

I sighed in relief and the knot in my stomach disappeared. I didn't feel that I had said enough. I wanted to clarify things with her—make sure she was alright. I pushed it aside for now, so I could try and lighten the mood. "What kinds do they have?" I tried to look through the window at the slurpee machine. "What's the green one?" I asked, and then glanced over at her.

She smiled and shook her head, digging her hands deeper into her pockets. She was adorable. I liked seeing the vulnerable Bella at times. That she trusted me enough to show her nice side. I smiled. I liked knowing I made that smile appear on her face. I was full of Cheeze Whizzy Faggory, but if anybody else was in my situation, they would have felt the same way.

It wasn't often I could find somebody I trusted. Bella gave me everything I needed without the scent of betrayal lingering about. It wasn't that I didn't trust her or her motives, I was just weary. I had gotten blasted in the past and lied to, so I took my time when it came to people I just met. I hated the fact that I had to be skeptical, but Bella was starting to make me a believer.

My Bella.

"That one is Lime Crush. You want that one? Your tongue will turn green," she stated, biting her lip.

What I would have done to pull that lip out from between hers with my teeth.

_Oh, Cullen, you fucking tool._

Honestly, I was so hot for this chick; you would think I was writing erotica for Penny Vincenzi. It was officially a sad moment for me, admitting I knew who Penny was.

Very sad.

"Yeah, sure, I'll try it." She nodded and walked towards the entrance of seven-eleven. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, okay?"

She rolled her eyes and sniggered. "Edward, we were chased by paps, not the fucking mafia. Chill out, okay? You're gonna give yourself a fucking heart attack or something."

I let out a low breath and nodded. "Okay. I know. It's just…Fuck, I don't know." I ran my hand through my hair and kicked a rock on the asphalt.

"Lime Crush it is," was all she replied before she walked in.

I didn't know how to take the fact that she ignored my last statement. Once thing that frustrated me most about the infamous Bella Swan was that was so unreadable. I could never decipher what her mood was—what she was thinking.

I pulled my pack of Camels out of my pocket and lit a cigarette, going over tonight's fiasco. My nerves were shot, and I hated feeling vulnerable and not in control. I hated feeling that the world was on my shoulders. You have a hundreds of photos taken of you in one minute and your whole world could be misinterpreted. Point five of a second could make your world crash and burn.

Of course the pictures would tell it all. I was kissing Bella, but I didn't want the rest of the world knowing. After sitting front row to that slap in the face, I should have known that. How more reckless could I have been? I mean, I could put myself through all this shit; I didn't care, but Bella? Hell, I was an inconsiderate asshole for pulling her into this. I shouldn't have brought her to L.A. Who was I to pull her into all of this unwanted attention? I certainly didn't have the right.

I could wallow and fucking berate myself, but it wouldn't get me anywhere good. Bella was going to get hounded once her face was plastered all over US weekly, InTouch, People, as Edward Cullen's Mystery Girl.

What if she didn't want to be pegged as that? Yeah, she had asked me to kiss her, and I did—I wanted, too, but one kiss doesn't open the door for a life sentence of paparazzi up the ass.

She would leave me, that was a given. Everybody left—it was what Edward Cullen's life was known for. I was the guy who was too kind and either got used and abused, or hated and rejected.

As strong as Bella was, she was bound to get fed up at some point. She deserved to be happy and lead the life she wanted—what she set out to grasp. It was a different story if she had brought herself here on her own, but for me to pull her in didn't sit well with me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts and my chain smoking when I heard Bella's voice. "Here you go. You okay?

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I said, taking a sip of my slurpee. Having Bella here made everything better. She took my worry away and made it seem like everything was okay—that we were okay. I could sense she was shook up about something, so I questioned her about it. "Are _you_ okay, though?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She took a sip of her slurpee and looked back when a car pulled up from behind her. "Sam's here."

I nodded and followed her to the SUV, climbing in the back seat with her. I glanced at her hand resting on the seat, and I placed my hand in hers, intertwining our fingers. She continued to look out the window, not acknowledging my touch, but I noticed how her body relaxed. It had made me relax in return. She couldn't have been that upset with me if she was repulsed by my hand on hers, but I knew she was upset nonetheless. She was upset with me. She wasn't fooling anybody. Bella had all reason to all the right to be, so all I could do was let her do what she needed to do. I knew she had things to say to me, it was all whether or not she was going to voice them to me.

The ride back to the hotel took forever, as my nerves and apprehension racked every inch of my body, but I immediately relaxed, knowing I'd have the comfort of my four walls again.

"Thanks, Sam," I said, shaking his hand.

"No problem, bud. Sorry you had to go through that."

"Nah, it's a given, right?"

He nodded in agreement and waved once for good-bye. I looked over and saw Bella throwing her half drunken slurpee in the trash and heading into the hotel. I had lost my appetite for that damn thing, so I threw mine out as well as I rushed to catch up with her. I placed my hand on her back, and she looked up and smiled at me. "You've been quiet."

"So have you," she retorted, walking into the elevator.

"I guess." I wanted to drop on my knees and beg for her forgiveness, but I knew that would be a bad idea. It was bad enough she had all this drama to deal with. "Look, are you upset, Bella?"

"Why would I be upset?"

"Well, you don't seem like yourself," I answered, pushing number three, and when I went to push number four, she slapped my hand away. "You're not going to your room?" I frowned and couldn't help the constriction within my chest. I was a pansy—Bella had made that quite clear.

She sniggered and looked up at me, shaking her head. "No, I'm going to yours."


	12. Do You Wanna Touch Me?

Chapter Twelve—Do You Wanna Touch Me? Part One.

BPOV

Walking into Edward's hotel room was fucking unnerving. He was basically my personal God; no one knew that, though, but he was. To admit the truth, ever since I saw him play on the big screen, I knew I wanted to get into acting. He motivated and moved me like nobody had. He was the proof that any normal person, who had normal problems and struggles, could get anywhere they put their mind to. I had been told this my whole life, but never did I listen to them—or better yet, believe them.

I had to see it with my own two eyes, and Edward was living proof. I understood that he hated fame and all the dellusions and fabricated tabloid frenzy it came with, but I hated the fact that he wasn't proud of himself. He was a person, he was somebody who did something for himself, rather than everybody else. To me, that was admirable. That shithead.

Edward, and his co-star in his recently released film, were the most realistic people I had ever followed; however, I never made that obvious. Fame never seemed to faze him, and he would make it known that he was the same guy back when he was broke and spent money on acting classes, hoping to scrap some cash.

Of course he fell into acting, but the way he got there, and the time after, was truly inspirational. Now, here I was, hanging out and sharing moments with my acting guru. I wanted to fall to my knees plenty of times and kiss his feet. I didn't kiss feet or ass, but I would do anything for Edward. He was a beautiful man, though, and it was only a matter of time before his down-to-earth, reality-checked persona got washed away and tainted by the Hollywood glam life.

Soon enough he would be eating up the limelight and promoting scandals. It wouldn't surprise me down the road, when this, whatever it was between us, claimed non-existence, that he would get arrested for crack possession and heated arguments on set. Putting all that in perspective was a sad moment for me, and I knew I needed to eat up the time I had with him—relish in it.

I turned to face Edward and smiled at him. He returned the endearment and walked towards me, throwing his hotel card on the table and taking off his shoes. "Make yourself at…hotel?"

I took off my converse and laughed lightly. "You're very…clever, you know that?"

"So I've been told…"

I quirked my eyebrow and nodded, putting my hands in my jean pockets, glancing around his room. I spotted his suitcase and it took all my restraint to not go over and rummage through everything, get to know this mysterious guy. I felt this strong, undeniable attraction to Edward, but yet I really didn't know anything about him. He seemed so hidden, only telling me what I needed to know, never elaborating. That pissed me off. Sure, he probably felt the same way about me, but I felt that it wasn't just me he hid from—it was everybody. Often he would bring up somebody who hurt him and ever since then had sworn to secrecy and skepticism. I hated that he had to practice that on me. I hated it with every fiber of my being.

"Hmm," was all I managed to say. Apprehension seemed to be rearing its ugly head. It seemed to be doing that often lately.

I closed my eyes momentarily to grab my bearings and turned back to Edward. I wanted to push our problems to the back of my mind and focus on the now. I wanted to try this "live in the moment" aspect everybody always talked about. I wanted fucking Joan to answer me for once. But she had been very silent for a while now, so I couldn't be dependent on her advice anymore. Somewhere in the depths of my corrupt, bitter mind, I knew it was just me all along, but I would never say that. I always had to keep the negative higher than the positive. Really? Be realistic. Happiness never came without a price—I was just waiting for the total to be sure it was worth it. I was a bitch for that thought even crossing my mind. I had to keep things close to the chest. I couldn't afford to be broken—emotionally speaking. For now I would just hang on to what I had.

"Are you all right? A little brain freeze from the Slurpee, perhaps?" He smirked and walked towards me.

I could smell his cologne, and it made me weak in the knees. Fucking weak knees. "Perhaps…" I was back to my old, quiet self again, but to admit the fucking truth for once, I was scared. I was scared of losing him. There, now fuck off. I was never one to venture through opportunities like this before. I never actually consumed myself with somebody that I truly cared about.

Not only that, but I wanted to get to know Edward. Find out and discover who he truly was. I knew he was beautiful skin deep, but I had an inkling he didn't believe he was. I wanted to show him that. I wanted to confront him on the things he thought I probably never picked up on. I didn't want tabloids to tell me anything. I wanted to hear it from Edward. His family, sibilings, aspirations, admirations, goals...just...everything.

"Bella?" I was pulled out of my revery, and I looked back at him, biting my lower lip. "I know you must be fucking pissed for what happened tonight. I'm…I'm sorry you had to go through that. I mean, I wasn't thinking. It was basically broad daylight, and me taking you out, and fucking kissing you had been a bad idea," he rushed out.

Embarrassment crept up my skin and burned my flesh in its path. My hands went cold and clammy, my stomach tightening with panic. It weighed me down heavily. My breaths became shaky, and I suddenly felt unwelcome.

A bad idea.

I was a bad idea.

Well, of course, Bella. What made you think that things would be so easy for you? Stupid.

I tucked my hair behind my ears, trying to keep my hands occupied from them leading me over to strangle Edward. I felt tears burning the back of my eyes, and I hated feeling weak. I hated feeling vulnerable. Here I thought that I was putting up a strong front, when all I was doing was stomping on my regard. Fuck.

Knowing me and my ability to think irrationally, I reacted quickly. "Well, Edward, I'm sorry you felt that kissing me had been a bad idea. You didn't have to," I stated, bending over to pick up my shoes and walking towards the door.

Edward grabbed hold of my arm to stop me. "Woah, woah, woah, cheesy. Hold up."

I looked at him, my vision blurry from tears of embarrassment. "Really, Edward? Don't feel good about yourself yet?"

Edward let go of my arm and pushed his hands through his hair, pacing the space in front of me. "Bella, fuck, that's not what I meant. I wanted to kiss you, in fact, I still wanted to continue, but you're shoving words in my mouth, when it should be your tongue," he said, trying to contain the smile that was overtaking his mock disappointment.

I placed my hands on my hips and scoffed. "You asshole." I looked down and crossed my arms over my chest, taking in the lush carpet that scaled the room. Seconds later, all I focused on were Edward's feet, which came into my line of vision as he closed the distance between us.

He placed his hand underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. I automatically crinkled it, and he chuckled. "Bella, you weren't the bad idea. The time and place that I chose to willingly kiss you was the bad idea. Believe that." He looked me directly in the eyes, automatically melting my bitterness and anger away.

Who knew you could break the cold chip on my shoulder?

"I…I believe you," I stuttered out, totally mesmerized by his beautiful eyes. He relaxed slightly and hugged me. Once he pulled back, I could see his features up close and personal now. His nose was crooked, like he had broken it. I noted that I would ask him about it. I could see his crow's feet subtly defined, and how his upper lip was thin, with his full lower full lip that accompanied it. I took in his stubble, and I found myself placing my hand on his cheek, feeling it tickle my palm. For the first time, I realized, I was taking in Edward. I was taking in the beautiful man that he was. "Edward?"

"Yeah."

"You're...kind of beautiful, you know?"

He snorted, which pissed me off, but he recovered with a smile. He licked his lips, making me close the distance between us even further.

I was so close to him that I could feel his exhaled breaths brush across my face. I could hear his breathing. I could hear him swallow. I could feel the warmth of his skin. I could feel the spark drilling itself between our close proximity. I could hear the moisture between his lips as he opened them up to reply to me.

"You're beautiful, Bella. And I have a feeling that you don't hear that as much as you should."

I glanced at his lips, and then looked back to his eyes. "That's because I'm not, Dr. Phil." I rubbed my thighs together in anticipation. I wanted nothing more than to jump Edward's bones. He was ruining my horny buzz.

"I think you are," he said shakily, our need cutting its way through our talking.

"That's..um…that's your problem," I stuttered out, once again. This guy had something over me, that was for sure.

He smiled and shook his head, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Well, it's a problem I don't want to fix."

I shook my head, staring at his lips, which I could have sworn were calling my name. "Then don't," I whispered. He smiled enough, so that I could see his teeth. They were so straight, except for one, which slightly overlapped one of his front teeth. Imperfection led to perfection where Edward was concerned. All his imperfections and flaws was what made him beautiful. I could never say that enough.

He was real.

I couldn't contain myself any longer, so I closed the distance between us. Need and want guiding our every movement. I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and pulled him in closer to me. With his body flushed against mine, I was able to tell he was aroused. That made pleasure pulse to my core, and I wanted Edward in every single way possible.

I tilted my head for better access to Edward's mouth, and he pushed me up against the wall, causing him to groan inside my mouth. I pulled away from him to take a deep breath in and moan myself. I threw my head back, and Edward started trailing kisses down my neck, sucking and biting. I dug my fingers into his back from the pleasure it caused me, making my eyes roll back. The current I felt between us made my body feel so heavy with desire.

I pushed Edward up, away from my neck, so he could continue to kiss my lips, as that was where I wanted him the most, and started leading him back to his bed without breaking our connection. I finally had Edward in my arms with no other distractions but us. No paps, photogs, media or any other fucking outlet could get to us. It never existed where we were—it didn't belong. I pushed our kiss further and traced my tongue across Edward's lower lip. Soon enough, he opened his mouth and granted me access. I caressed my tongue with Edward's, and it was the most amazing high I had ever gotten. Weed didn't have anything on what I felt. I could only imagine what greater heights Edward would bring me to once he was fully inside me.

I had never swooned or wanted somebody so bad in my life. Edward made me feel right. He was what I had been searching for all along. I knew there were things that needed to be said and done, but please, I just wanted to forget that for now. Let us be who we wanted, what we needed to do for the time being. Problems had no place here. I dwelled in happy thoughts. I didn't care what happened tonight. Edward got me, and I had never encountered a person who appreciated my bitter and jaded outlook on life. I always called that being realistic, and it was nice to find someone who wasn't brainwashed by societies known views—on the norm. I was glad it was Edward—I wouldn't want it to be anybody else.

Suddenly, I felt Edward tug at the sides of my shirt and lift up; reluctantly, I broke away from his lips and let him take off my shirt, leaving me in just my bra and jeans in front of him. He scanned over the upper half of my body and growled.

Fuck that was hot.

I bit my lip as I saw the animal in Edward and hurried to take off his shirt. Through a little struggle and a few laughs, I finally got it off and looked over his beautiful chest. It was lean, muscular, not too much, but enough to notice he was fit. He had a semi-defined six-pack and a treasure trail that led to a place I only dreamed of going. His chest was rather hair free, but here was still enough to show his beautiful masculinity.

"Bella?" Edward said, out of breath.

I swallowed thickly and looked back to him. "Y-yeah."

"Kiss me."

I smiled, knowing that he was reenacting the café scene the way it should have been done in the first place.

I jumped on Edward and wrapped my arms and legs around him, making him fall back onto the bed. We were so close together, being that my arms were still wrapped around his neck, but I didn't take them away. I scattered kisses all around is face, and I felt him grab my ass, squeezing it gently.

I finally led my lips back to Edward's and let all my weight fall on top of him. We both sighed as I kissed him as deeply and passionately as only I knew how. I didn't know how well of a job I was doing, but it felt right to me. As I was shifting myself on top of him, practically dry humping the poor guy, I felt tugging happening upon my upper back. Soon enough, I realized it was Edward unclasping my bra, and the straps fell down my arms, pooling on Edward's chest.

"I need you," he growled out.

"Uh-huh...yeah." I nodded and swallowed thickly. I was so dizzy from the euphoria I had already felt, and the next thing I knew, my bra was totally off, and Edward was on top of me, between my legs. Before I could even think twice, he was attacking my lips freverently. The heat between us was so thick.

It felt like the whole world was closed off from us, and it was just me and Edward.

But it wasn't Edward Cullen: the celebrity.

It was Edward Cullen: the epitome of a real man.


	13. Caring Is Creepy

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Thanks, baby monsters, for leaving awesome reviews and liking this story.**

**Chapter song and title belong to The Shins. Thanks to secretobsession for editing this bad boy for me.**

**HUGE HUGE thank you to my greatest RL friend, tawxil. She met up with me over starbucks and helped me write out this ball twisting chapter.**

**Bella says a one-liner and it's from Dirty Dancing.**

**I'm gonna be upfront-this chapter ain't pretty. It had to happen, so we can see Edward and Bella bloom into a cute fucking couple. SO suck it up.**

**I disclaim.**

**Chapter Thirteen-Caring Is Creepy**

BPOV

Within seconds I had pulled off my pants, and Edward's, and now I was lying underneath him. I felt completely consumed, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before our real lives came to take us hostage…yet again. I rubbed my hands along Edward's arms as he kissed me along my jaw line. I could hear Edward's breathing, could feel his hot skin press down on mine, and I was a goner. One too many times I was a goner for Edward, and he would always do something to make it worth my while.

"Ed—Edward," I stuttered out, bucking my hips.

"Mhm," he hummed against my skin, continuing to claim every inch of my body.

"I can't take this foreplay shit. Please just—"

"Just what?" he interrupted, and took my right nipple into his mouth.

I wasn't used to this much passion. Usually when I hooked up with guys it was just to get fucked—to get straight to the point. But with Edward it was totally different. It wasn't just about working on an orgasm—it was about being with him, taking in everything he had to offer. The energy between us was overwhelming, and it was completely out of my element, but I felt safe. I was with Edward.

"Edward, please don't be one of those guys who likes chicks talking dirty to them," I begged, smiling.

Abruptly, he stopped sucking my nipple and pounced on top of me, making me squeal with excitement. Yeah, I squealed with excitement.

Edward playfully growled at me and nipped at my nose. "Well, what if I'd like a certain beautiful woman to talk dirty to me?"

"Are you trying to choke me with Cheeze Whiz?"

Edward laughed, and then kissed my lips. As we continued to do so, I felt Edward trail his hand down my body and stop between my legs. Gently, Edward pushed my underwear aside and stopped his movements. He glanced back up into my eyes and smirked. That fucking smirk. I quickly lost my breath from the anticipation and nervousness I felt. I wanted to be enough for Edward. I wanted to give him what no other chick could. Ever since the first time I met Edward, I knew I would do anything to keep him with me, to keep him at least within arm's length. I did everything in my power to be enough for him, and I was concerned that after tonight, and after our real lives came in the way, nothing would bring us back together.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the hot sting of my tears threatening to spill, trying to keep them at bay. I was pathetic. Bella Swan didn't cry before or during sex. I felt the ache in my heart start to shatter me. I felt like I was slipping away, and I didn't know what was happening. All these feelings were foreign to me, and I didn't know how to handle them. I took a deep breath in and pushed the negative thoughts to the back of my mind, wrapped my arms around Edward's neck, and started kissing him. I wanted to remember the feel of Edward's lips against mine, as I was certain things would never go back to the way they were after tonight. I wanted to do as much as I could…

"Woah, woah, Bella?" Edward chuckled against my lips.

I pulled back and opened my eyes, wondering why Edward had stopped our progress. "What?" I asked, confused.

"You're practically eating my lips off, cheesy."

I groaned from embarrassment and crossed my arms over my face. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. I quickly maneuvered my way out from underneath Edward and jumped out of the bed. I frantically searched for my clothes, but stopped short when I heard Edward's voice.

"Bella?" Edward asked, his voice laced with concern. I looked back and saw him sitting on the bed with a confused look on his face. He was hurting me and he didn't even know it.

"What?" I snapped, continuing to look around the floor for my bra.

"I was just kidding around with you. I didn't mean to make you upset…Come back here."

Ignoring his last statement, I answered him quickly. "You're not making me upset," I said, putting on my bra and avoiding eye contact with him. If I did, I would completely break apart. It was a known fact that I had definitely become a different person because of Edward.

"Then why are you getting dressed? Fuck, Bella, I said I was sorry." I got the strength to look at him finally, and he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Edward—"

I was cut off by the ringtone of Edward's cellphone. "Sorry, babe, just give me one sec."

I nodded, trying to find the rest of my clothes. There was no use in even trying to sort this out. Edward and I were too different. Fighting to make it work was just damaging us further. He deserved better. He deserved somebody who was successful and beautiful, not plain and mundane.

"Hello?" he answered. "I'm at the Fairmont for the night. Yes, Emmett, I know. Yeah, I'll be there tomorrow for sure, okay, bud? Yeah, well tell Rosalie to pipe down until the movie is complete." Edward laughed for a bit longer with Emmett, and I continued to get dressed.

I hated the fact that I was doing this. Maybe I was acting incredibly selfish, but I refused to be a notch on Edward's bedpost. I wanted to get to know him, and it occurred to me that it might never happen. I wanted to be his best friend. I wanted to be the one he could cry in front of and tell things to. I wanted to be his encourager, his strength when everybody else made him feel hopeless and discouraged. I wanted to be the one he called when he received a call back for an audition. I wanted to be his…everything.

"Bella?" Edward asked, panicked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I twirled around on my heel and looked him straight in the eyes. "Yeah, Edward?" I responded, it coming out shakier than I intended. I couldn't be upset with him. He did nothing wrong. This whole mess wasn't his fault—I should have known better than to get caught up in this mess. There was a big warning sigh etched in my mind every step of the way, and I continuously ignored it.

"You're…You're leaving?"

I looked down, unable to face him. He looked upset, and my gut churned, knowing I was the one causing him to feel this way. "Yeah. I guess I am."

"Why, Bella? Don't fucking do this. I'm sorry I said anything!"

"Said what?"

"That you were eating off my lips."

"Oh...I've forgotten about that, Edward," I said, my voice quavering. I quickly wiped my eyes before any tears fell and crossed my arms over my chest. "I…I have to go. I need—"

"No...No. You're not leaving," Edward demanded, walking towards me. I looked up at him when he was just a few inches away from me.

"Edward, I have to go."

"WHY! You're being absolutely ridiculous!" he yelled, pushing his hands through his hair, pacing the room. "God damnit!"

I scoffed. "I have a job to go to, rent to pay, acting classes to attend, my family, and Alice. I have a life, Edward." Fuck. I hated myself even more now. I was such a bitch.

"I'm well aware you have a life, Bella, but you've only been here for two days. That's hardly neglecting anything," he spat out, glaring at me.

"I don't give a shit how many days I've been in L.A., but I did the same thing when you were filming in Vancouver. I spent all my time with you and ditched everything else."

"You didn't have to!"

"But I wanted to, you asshole!"

"Then why are you leaving? You're so fucking frustrating."

"I'm fucking scared, okay?" I stopped myself, afraid that I would say too much. I was weary of opening up to him. I never did shit like this, and I was scared of what might come of it.

"What are you so scared of?" he asked softly.

"I'm scared that when I walk out of this room that I'll never feel again what I feel when I'm with you."

"You don't have to go looking somewhere else, Bella. Why the fuck is this happening? Where did all of this come from? You were fine two fucking minutes ago."

"Edward, I can't do this."

He nodded and chuckled humorlessly. "You know, usually the chick fucks me before she says that."

Ouch.

My chest constricted and my breathing became labored. I was filled with anger, fear, and jealously, and I hated feeling that way. It was too consuming and nothing good ever came of it. I closed my eyes, willing away the rage I felt bubbling its way up from deep inside me. "Then you obviously don't know me at all, Edward. I thought you'd realize that I wasn't one of those chicks."

"You're sure acting like them, Bella," he said.

"Ugh! Do you have any idea how you're making me feel right now!" I was officially losing it. My defensive wall that I had worked so hard to build fell down and crumbled.

"Do you have any idea how you're fucking making me feel right now? Do you know how it feels to have the woman I'm totally head-over-heels for, get dressed and try to leave while I'm taking a phone call?"

"I would have waited…I wouldn't have snuck out," I whispered, my tears finally betraying me.

"Explain your logic then, Bella, because I sure as hell don't understand it," he said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

I looked away and swallowed thickly. I looked back to him and glared, balling my hands into fists. There was no going back now. "Look, Edward, I don't really do relationships. I'm not used to feeling vulnerable or constantly having somebody around. I don't want to have you consume my thoughts every second of every day. We have only been seeing each other, or whatever the fuck this is, for a month. I mean, what did you want out of this, Edward? I have a life I want to go after. I want to pursue my own acting career. I want to reach out to my future and do what I want to do. I don't want to be the chick in the tabloids that's always going to be known for living off your coattails. I refuse, Edward! I hate the fact that I've practically fallen in love with you, and all of this is going to end within the next couple of days.

"What did you think was going to happen once you got back to L.A.? That we would continue a long distance relationship? That we would leave each other voicemails and send cute little texts? That occasionally we would get off by having really cheesy phone sex? God, Edward, be realistic! There is a reason why people like us, you know, normal people look up to celebrities like yourself. It's because you're unattainable and your world doesn't collide with the mediocre one. We clash and nothing ever comes of it. I'm sorry, Edward, I really wish I had thought this through better. You're a really great guy, and I want nothing more than to be by your side, but it would take too much effort. Effort that I don't think I'll be able to maintain. God, Edward, you can't even comprehend how much I want this, how I would drop everything, but that's being irresponsible. I'm not flighty like that. So, yeah, I think it's best I go now before we do something that we will both regret. I would rather do this now before I'm completely consumed with you…"

Edward stared at me for a few moments, not saying a word.

"Edward, I really need you to say something…"

Finally, Edward opened his mouth. "You're in love with me?"

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Love me. Hate me.**


	14. The Purple Unicorn

**Chapter fourteen—The Purple Unicorn**

BPOV

I stood there shocked and tried to recapture everything I had just fucking said to Edward. We stood mere inches away from each other, but I was afraid to move…I was afraid of falling. It felt as though I was in one of those dreams where you run as fast as you can to reach something you want, but when you are seconds away from obtaining it, you wake up to find yourself slapped across the face with reality.

I was being slapped.

"Bella? Did you just say you were in love with me?" Edward asked me again.

I looked up at him, my hands shaking, my heart pounding erratically. Not once—ever—had I told somebody I loved them. It was insane to put myself on the vulnerable platform of confession. I wouldn't be so stupid, but then again, I did say I would be or do anything for Edward. If that meant I had to bear my soul and rip open my chest—theoretically speaking—and expose my weary heart, then that was what I would do.

I shook my head to clear out any confusion and focus back on making progress—on taking a step forward for a change. Once upon a time, there was a chick that would run away screaming, but now that chick ran forward—ran towards Edward.

I couldn't let him go.

I didn't want to.

I also wasn't stupid.

"I, uh, I…" I trailed off, fucking stuttering.

"Bella—" Edward started, but I put up my hand to stop him. I couldn't face rejection right now. I couldn't drown in embarrassment when I'd come so far. I had to cover up my tracks.

"Edward, I realize that it was completely insane for me to fucking say something like that. I mean, you must hear that more often than not, and I just made this situation that much more awkward. Look, I should go…"

"STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP!"

My breathing hitched, and I locked eyes with Edward, completely taken aback by his tone. On any other day I would have been proud of him for using his fucking backbone and growing some balls—he just chose the wrong fucking time to whip them out.

I gripped the straps of my bag with all my might, like it would help me to continue standing. I bit my lip, heat flushing its way through my skin. Apprehension and adrenaline were clashing in my veins, making it feel like I was being electrocuted, but yet numb all at the same time.

"I stopped," I deadpanned.

"Bella, I could go on some rant about you, you know that, right?"

I sighed. "Do I ever. I fucking deserve it, right?"

"No, you don't. Look, Bella, everything you said was true. Every fucking little thing you said was the honest to God truth. I mean, who are we kidding? Me living in L.A., you living in Vancouver—it does seem unrealistic to be together, but, baby, I would make it possible. You said we would get off the odd time with phone sex, but, baby, would I ever blow your mind. You said we would get by with the odd phone call and cute texts, but, baby, the phone call would be more than odd, and the text messages would be down-right adorable.

"Could I have anybody on the planet? Yeah, Bella, I can, but I don't want just anybody—I want you. Could I go out there and date an A class celebrity and lead the kind of life I should? Yes, I can, but I don't want the life I should have, I want the life I want, and that has you involved. I get that we barely know each other, but, Bella, who said we couldn't try and get to know each other the way we want? I know it's kind of late to say this, but I want to get to know you better. I'm fascinated by the Bella Swan I have been faced with, and if there is more to experience and know about her—I want in. I want all of it. Every fucking inch of you, Bella."

I was at a loss for fucking words. My heart swelled a thousand times from Edward's words. I had always felt completely unworthy of such words to be uttered to me. But here I was, in front of Edward Cullen, and he wanted to try—he wanted to know me for me. And I couldn't deny that I wanted that from him, too.

"Edward, I…I don't know what to say…" He frowned and looked down, furrowing his eyebrows. "I mean, God, I know what I want. I want this…Awh, fuck, I'm not good with words. I'm not good with pouring my heart out for somebody…" I said, shaking my head. "I want to try. I really like you, Edward, and I know there is so much more to you than you have shown me. But the thing that scares me the most is that I feel this way for you now, knowing very little about you, so I'm afraid of how consumed I'll be with you once I know who you really are. Aren't you scared of that?"

Edward nodded and pushed his hand through his disheveled hair. Before I knew it, I found myself closing the distance between us and pushing my own hand through his hair. He chuckled and looked me directly into the eyes. As I stared him down, I was sure I could see his soul. What a beautiful man they reflected. "I'm not scared, Bella. Even when you walk up to me and run your hand through my hair."

I threw my head back and laughed. "I've always wanted to do that since I saw you at Cannes Film Festival." I shook my head in shame at my admittance and sighed. I looked down and crossed my arms over my chest.

Edward put his hand under my chin and lifted up, forcing me to look at him. "Bella?"

"Mhm," I hummed, totally entranced.

"I know I've been let down before. I hate the fact that I'm insecure. Every fucking day the thought of you walking out and never seeing you again comes more than I'd like it to. I'm scared, and I'm not scared. I trust you, but I don't trust my circumstances. With you, I feel that I can be myself and not have to put on a show. You're real, Bella. You're not fake like some of the chicks that walk Hollywood. You speak your mind, and you tell it how it is. You don't fuck around. If you don't like what I'm doing, you put me in my place. You make me feel as though I am me, and that I'm okay. You make me feel that I'm the same kid from back home…You're…You're sort of like my comfort zone—my home away from home." Edward eyes saddened, turning into alarm soon after. "Bella? Are you okay?" he rushed out.

I started to cry during his rant. I couldn't help it. I deserved to be called pansy tonight. Devin had nothing on me. "Edward, I'm okay!" I cried.

Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. "Bella, I'm sorry I made you cry. Please don't."

"It's happy tears, you asshole," I whispered, trying to contain my sobs. I was pathetic, but I felt incredible.

Edward kissed the top of my head and chuckled against my hair. "I'm happy to see you're happy, Bella. I was scared that you were going to walk out that door and never turn back, though. Don't walk away. You build up all your feelings and do irrational things without thinking of the other party. I bet you were going to walk out of here thinking I could never want you, that you had no chance."

I nodded against his chest and sniffed, not wanting my snot to go all over his fucking shirt.

"Well, don't think like that anymore. You have to trust me," he whispered, pulling me tighter against him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and linked my fingers together. I was about to say something that I hadn't said in a long, long time. "I trust you."

"Thank you, baby cheesy," Edward said, taking my hand and lifting it to his lips.

"Don't make me regret it," I rushed out, totally intoxicated by how much Edward was truly a gentleman. I wanted to meet his parents. I wanted to meet his mom and kiss her feet, thanking her for giving birth to such a beautiful man.

"I don't plan on it," he stated, looking at me seriously.

I nodded and backed away from him, taking my bag off my shoulder and groaning from the strain it left on my shoulder. I looked around the room as I rubbed the pain away. "Edward?"

"Yeah." Edward motioned for me to turn around, and I complied. He placed his hands on my shoulder and started massaging my tense muscles. It felt incredible.

"I don't wanna leave tonight. I'm sorry I tried. I'm sorry—"

"Shh," Edward interrupted me, gliding his hands down my arms and capturing my hands with his. "No apologies, okay?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, nodding in agreement. I felt lighter, but I knew there was much more to discuss, but I had enough for one day—for now.

"I miss you, Edward, like, a lot," I said sadly into the receiver of my iPhone.

It had been two weeks since Edward and I departed from the Hotel. I winced when I thought how heavy my heart felt driving away from him. I also remembered how I cried in the back seat, not caring whether the driver noticed my demise.

"I miss you, too, Bella. Believe me, if I had my way, I would be there with you right now."

"I know…" I sighed, continuously biting my nails.

"What are you listening too?" Edward asked, changing the depressing topic. Bless his fucking heart.

"Uh, it's Radiohead," I answered, getting up off my bed and switching the song back to Optimistic.

"Radiohead?" he inquired, sounding shocked.

"Yeah. Please tell me you like them, too. I mean, they are lyrical geniuses."

Edward chuckled into the receiver. "Protective of your music, huh?"

"Of course I am. Good music comes few and far between these days. You have to hang on to it, you know." I yawned into the phone and stretched.

"You're tired," he stated.

"Yeah I am. I have to work tomorrow at seven in the morning. Ugh, Edward, you don't know how much I hate that place."

"I honestly sympathize with you, baby, but just think your future holds so much for you."

I chuckled humorlessly and shook my head, tears filling my eyes. "Yeah, so much…"

"Don't give up, Bella. C'mon now. Where's my fighter? Where's the girl that took the bull by the horns and told people how it was? Where's my sexy Joan Jett impersonator?"

I laughed lightly into the phone and smiled. "You know just what to say, huh?"

"What? Sorry I didn't hear you. I was going over a script." I could hear the smile in his voice, and I scoffed.

"You ass," I laughed, getting into my bed and pulling the covers over.

"Ouch. You always bruise my ego," he said in mock disappointment.

"But I know how to buff it up, too."

I knew our conversation was coming to an end, and I tried to keep him on the phone for as long as I could. It had been too long, and I knew the days were just going to get longer—I dreaded them. I was already forgetting what he looked like. I would do anything to see him, for him to lie next to me and help me fall asleep. I just wanted him here—always.

"It's true. You do. Okay, Bella, you're practically falling asleep on me, so have a good day tomorrow, okay? Know that if work pisses you the hell off you can text me or call."

"I know, Edward. Thank you. Know that I can do the same."

"Thanks. I'll rely on that for sure."

I smiled. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night, beautiful."

We both ended the call, and I instantly felt hollow. Falling asleep wasn't going to be an easy task.

It had been four weeks since I had seen Edward. Alice tried her best to keep my mind and time occupied by bringing me to the independent film theatre and taking me out for bubble tea. Something about those tapioca balls that made me crazy. Alice was my heroine. She was the Cherie to my Joan.

"I hate myself for loving you. Can't break free from the things that you do. I wanna walk, but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you!" we both belted out while driving my behemoth truck back home from the movies.

"Bella, you would make Joan Jett proud!"

I exhaled the drag of my smoke before laughing. "I sure hope so. Man, what I'd do to go up on stage and just rock with her. I mean, I wanna create a time machine where I could travel back to 1984 and fucking do crack and rock out."

Alice gave me an evil eye and crossed her arms over her chest. "Bella!"

"Fine, fine. No crack."

"Good. "

I shook my head and laughed, taking another drag of my Camel. I couldn't help but feel there was this gigantic purple unicorn sitting in the middle of us. I was known to be different. It was unicorn for me, not elephant. I tried really hard to think back to what was going on before Edward manifested my time and soul. Then it hit me.

"Alice?"

Alice looked at me and smiled. "Yes, snoochums."

"How are you and…" Shit I had forgotten his name.

"Jasper?" she said, filling me in.

"Yeah, Jasper."

"He's good. I mean, we haven't really seen each other, but we talk all the time." Alice looked down and started picking at her nails. I could tell she was upset with it. Fucking men.

I pulled into the driveway, and I turned off the engine before turning sideways to face her. "Al?" She looked me in the eyes and gave me a small smile, inviting me to continue. "Why don't we go inside, make some coffee, and talk about all of this, huh?"

Tears filled her eyes. Either she was pms-ing or this guy was a fucking douche. I hated him already. "Yeah," she said, nodding. "I'd like that. I feel like we haven't fucking chatted in a long time."

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to neglect us…"

"Bitch, please." Alice laughed and smacked my shoulder. "Dude, you were hanging out with Edward Cullen. That's not something to apologize for."

I nodded, but I still felt horrible for blowing Alice off of her problems. I didn't even think about her.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop acting like a person who feels, so we can go inside and get some coffee." Alice got out of the truck and stuck her tongue out.

I sighed in relief. Everything between us was going to be okay. We were like fucking cement. I shouldn't have doubted our friendship in the first place.

Once we had the coffee brewed and we were lounging on the couch, Alice took the front wheel and started telling me all about Jasper.

"He's a really great guy, Bella. He tells me all the time he likes me."

"Well, how come you barely see him? Where does he live?"

"Get this—he lives in Seattle! He lived so close to us, but yet we never knew it."

"Well, Al, we didn't even know him in Forks."

"I know, but how weird. Like, I meet somebody I totally find attractive—and like—and he lived so close to us. Did you know his parents live in Forks?"

"Get out. Really?"

"Yeah. He moved to Seattle to go to school there. He's taking film production."

As soon as Alice said film, my mind selfishly went to Edward, and I thought about how much I missed him. I took my iPhone out of my pocket to see if I had a text from him, but there was nothing. My heart sunk a little more and more each day.

"Wow…film production? That's totally cool, Alice."

"I know! I think he'd be really good at it. He's very unique and the artsy-fartsy type."

"Ah, gotta love the artsy-fartsy type, huh?"

"Oh, shut up, Bella." Alice laughed, smacking me across the arm.

"So what was he doing here in Vancouver?" I prompted, taking another sip of my coffee.

She shrugged. "He said his friend was here on a job, and that he was here to support him. We didn't really go into detail because so much was going on already. I didn't even think to ask him to elab or anything."

"That's pretty nice of him, you know, to fly all the way down here to support him."

"I'd do it for you!"

"I know you would."

"I guess he really encourages his friend and guides him. You know, maybe he's his biggest supporter."

I nodded absentmindedly while I took in what Alice said. I continued to sip my coffee while my mind ventured off to Edward and one of the conversations we had while he was in Vancouver.

"I only have one best friend, Jasper, who keeps me sane in this whirlwind of Hollywood. I'm not used to all this red carpet bullshit, and quite frankly, I don't want to be. When I came into The Coffee House you were answering the questions about me truthfully. You didn't see me as some celeb, you saw me as a normal fucking person. You're cool, and I just wanted to get to know you better. Maybe stay friends. All right, cheesiness over with."

"Alice?" I rushed out quickly, looking at her with realization.

She scrunched her nose and elevator-stared me, wondering where the fuck my sudden mood came from "What?" she laughed.

I brushed my hand through my hair and laughed. "I totally fucking know who Japser is now, and you are totally gonna shit your pants."

Alice put her coffee down and stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "Isabella Marie Swan, do not ruin Jasper for me! Don't tell me he's some convict or something…"

I stood up along with her and placed my hands on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes and smirked. "Prepare yourself, Alice Brandon."

**Chapter End Notes:**

**So we have Alice back in the story, and soon Jasper is gonna be in the picture. I'm really excited to get the next chapter out, you know when I write it. So leave a review, baby monsters.**


	15. To Roam

**AN: Remember me? Yeah, I'm the author who writes this fic. Sorry for the epic delay in updating. RL has had my proverbial balls and twisting them so hard my face turned blue.**

**I want to thank my sidekick, Shasta53, for beta-ing this bad boy in, like, 10 freakin minutes.**

**Chapter song and title belong to Rob Pattinson's To Roam. I thought it fit well with Edward and Bella's mindset. Times can be pretty tough, but the outcome is amazing.**

**This is my present to myself, and for you guys, for my birthday today. (Oct 5.) Can you believe I'm 25? Ugh...so depressing. Anyways, for those of you sharing a birthday with me, or just want in on the birthday fun, I present to you...To Roam. Why is it called To Roam? Because Edward Cullen has to walk the lonley road of freedom. That's why...**

Chapter Fifteen—To Roam

EPOV

I had been away from Bella for a little over two months now. Things had been crazy, and I felt incredibly guilty for neglecting everything. I needed some time to myself, and I found that those days were coming few and far between. I wanted everything to just fucking slow down, but everything was going full speed. I couldn`t even get a grip on my surroundings. I found it really hard to be in the "now" of everything and focus on what was real.

What I had was great . . . It was everything I wanted—to be successful in something I enjoyed, but the disadvantages were too much to handle half the time. The only thing that kept me focused and determined to get through it was Bella. Of course I couldn't wait to see my friends and family, but Bella knew me on a level that nobody else saw . . . except for Tanya.

I shuddered at the thought of her. She didn't deserve to be thought about . . . She was downright cruel. I shook my head as I took a pull from my beer. I was staying at The Ritz hotel in London, England for two weeks promoting my latest movie, Doubt. Plus, I had four T.V. junkets to attend with Emmett, aphoto shoot in New York City tomorrow with Rosalie, and then I had an interview on the Today Show.

Things had been tense on set recently. We'd been stressed, over-worked, and tired from long hours standing around, sometimes in the pouring rain. There was never a day that went by that I didn't think of giving up all that I had and living recluse.

I'd finally gotten some time to myself, so I used it . . . to myself. I had the opportunity to go out with Emmett and Rosalie for a beer or two, but I decided to stay in and call Bella.

Fuck, I missed that woman.

It rang four times before she answered. "Hello?" she said, out of breath.

"You're out of breath?" I questioned, chuckling.

"Of course, I was fucking some hot guy, and you interrupted us." I pouted over the receiver and stayed silent. There was a part of me that knew Bella could have anybody she wanted, but she stayed devoted to me—I hoped. "Stop pouting, Cullen." She sighed. "I miss you . . ."

I pushed my hand through my hair in frustration, instantly feeling guilty for being so far away from her. I would do anything to hug her . . . to just kiss her . . . to just . . . be there. I sighed in the receiver and closed my eyes, my heart clenching. I was a fucking pansy where Bella was concerned, but I couldn't care less. "I miss you, too, baby. I hate the fact that I have to be so far away all the time . . ."

"It's your job, Edward." I heard her shut the door, and then some ruffling noises.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to ease the pain of the distance between us.

"I went into my room. Alice isn't exactly . . . friendly right now," she said sadly.

I smiled. "Is she . . . you know . . ." I couldn't finish the sentence. Guys just didn't talk about shit like that.

"Ha! No, Edward, she's not on her rag," she laughed. I cringed at her bluntness. That was just nasty, and I didn't want to elaborate on the topic.

"Then why is she being unfriendly?" As I asked her these questions, I wanted to be lying beside her, stroking the hair away from her face.

If only.

"It's a long story; just don't worry about it." I hated when she just shrugged things off. It was going to be harder than fuck to get close to each other with our busy lives, but I'd be damned if she was going to push me away along the way. I needed to prove to her—if not myself—that I was reliable. That I was there to help her through anything that she needed guidance with.

"I've got time, and I do worry. Talk to me, cheesy."

"Edward, you know that friend Jasper that you got?"

That I got? She was too cute. "Yeah . . . I think I know him," I said, smiling. Jasper was the best fucking friend I had. He was an awesome buddy. I owed him more than I could ever try and repay.

"Is he still in Vancouver?"

"Well, he goes back and forth."

"Can you maybe elaborate on that?" she said sarcastically.

"Alright, sarcastic-ass," I started, and I heard her scoff on the other end. "He has a bachelor pad there that he stays in while he attends Vancouver Film School. It's his second year in the film production course. He tends to like it behind the scenes. When school's out, he divides his time between home and his place in Vancouver. He likes the atmosphere of Vancouver. Seattle is too bland."

"Right," she said, sounding as though she was sceptical.

"Why?"

"Has he ever mentioned a feisty girl he's been seeing recently?"

I tried to think back to the last time that Jasper and I had spoken. I remembered him telling me he'd met a really outgoing, vibrant girl that he had been on a date with, but nothing too specific. "He told me once that he was going out with a girl while we were in Vancouver."

I heard her take in a deep breath and mutter, "I knew it!"

I laughed. "You're too cute, you know that?"

"Edward, don't try and sweet talk me into phone sex. I can't believe this!"

"Believe what?" I asked, feeling completely confused. "Bella, talk to me!"

She laughed in the phone, but quickly sobered up. "Edward, my best friend, Alice, has been the one seeing Jasper. The other night when I put two and two together, she got upset with me and stormed away. I tried to tell her there was good chance the Jasper she was swooning over was your best friend. Well, she thought that I was playing a sick joke on her, and she hasn't really spoken to me since."

"Huh . . ." I didn't know what to say. It was so . . . I don't know what it was, but that was a huge fucking coincidence. "That's unreal. So Jasper and Alice . . . Kinda has a nice ring to it."

"Yeah, well you wanna know what Alice would like to ring? My neck!"

"Why doesn't she believe you?"

"Because she thinks that because . . . You know what, Edward, never mind. I shouldn't be burdening you with this."

"It's no burden, I like hearing your voice. It . . . breaks me away from all this." I knew she could tell I wasn't as happy as a pig in shit.

"What's wrong, whizzy?" she said seductively, causing my cock to twitch in my pants.

Fuck . . . not now.

"Just everything. Not seeing you, not seeing Jasper, or better yet, not seeing freedom. I feel like some prisoner, that I'll never be able to get away."

"I'm sorry . . ." she whispered softly.

"Don't be sorry. I chose this, remember?"

"It doesn't matter. I just hate that you feel so miserable. How is England, anyway?"

"Absolutely splendid!" I said in my best English accent. Bella laughed wholeheartedly, and I couldn't help but smile. She made everything better. She made it all worth it. If she was the prize at the end of the tunnel, I would endure anything. And I mean everything.

"You know, you sound pretty hot," she admitted.

"I do, do I?"

"Uh huh . . ."

"What are you wearing?"

"Edward, stop it," she demanded, but I could hear the playfulness in her voice. "When do you come back? I saw you at the Doubt premiere on TV. Entertainment Tonight was there live!" she said in mock excitement. "That blonde whore looks good hanging off your arm."

Her jealousy was kind of hot, but I wouldn't tease her with it.

Shit . . . I knew she would bring that up. "Bella, get real. It was Irina, one of my co-stars. I wanted you to be hanging off my arm, though. I wanted to show the world you are all mine, but you don't deserve to get eaten alive."

"Edward, don't go all cheesy to me. Just know that I want to be there, but there's stuff that we need to focus on first. I mean, we've been seeing each other for three months, and I've yet to be on a date with you."

I could tell she was just playing around, but that hit me where it hurt. I was upset with myself for making her suffer like this. I could never be what she wanted. "I know that, all right!" I said, more sternly than I intended. "I don't want to be here anymore than you want me to be here. I'm trying the best I can. Do you not realize that I know I failed you? That I'm the most pathetic excuse for a boyfriend?"

"Edward, enough. You haven't failed me-you just have a luxurious lifestyle that you get paid to lead."

"That I get paid to lead? I'm getting so sick of your accusations and your judgments, Bella. When are you going to see that this life isn't easy, that not everything is handed to me?"

There was a long pause. "I'm sorry, Edward. I just . . . I worry."

"Worry about what?"

"LOSING YOU!"

All I heard after that was a click and silence. She had hung up on me. Once again, I fucked up.

Great job, Cullen.

I was running out of strategies to make this work. I couldn't try and get her to see I loved her, that I wanted to be there for her as much as I said I did, from across the world in England. I had to find some way to see her, to prove to her that I was here—always.

BPOV

I felt bad for hanging up on Edward, but every second my jealousy was getting the best of me. I always acted fucking irrational when my emotions were at an all-time low. I missed the fuck out of Edward, and it made me upset that I couldn't see him as much as I liked. It seemed every time we talked, we ended up getting into an argument, and I was the one that hung up on him.

I looked down to see my phone vibrating with Edward's name on the screen. I wanted to pick it up and bawl my eyes out, beg him to come back, but I refused to be weak in a time where I only had the choice to be strong. There was so much going on around me, so much that I had to focus on, that I couldn't let such silliness come in the way of the best thing going on in my life—Edward.

When I watched the red carpet for the Doubt premiere two days ago, I filled up with rage and my blood boiled. I knew nothing of this co-star, Irina, but I hated her just because she got to be where I should have been. I wanted so badly to get on a plane and fly to England to be present for his premiere, but it just wasn't logical. I had been at VFS for all of one month when I heard when it was going to be. I couldn't very well ditch acting school for an all-paid fucking trip to England.

No matter how many monologues, script analyses, self-reflections I did in school, my mind always wandered back to Edward, and how I couldn't wait to see him get off that plane at the airport. His schedule was hectic, and so was mine. Talking to each other was a treat these days. He had all these T.V. junkets, premieres, interviews, and photo shoots to attend to, and I had to be the one that watched, read, and scanned the magazines from afar. All while I tried to aspire to be an actress in the process.

I'd run into the Shoppers Drug Mart, pull the InTouch magazine off the shelf, and read the trashy gossip that was going around the mill about Edward. The chicks that stood next to me and squealed over him, or saying rude things, had no fucking clue that I was his girlfriend . . . If that was what I was . . .

I was really getting the hang of acting, and in the back of my mind I knew I could do well, but there was this one bitch, Lauren, who thought the world of herself. She was the type of chick that I wanted to tie up and make her watch re-runs of Camp Cariboo. I internally laughed every time I thought of her suffering. I also hoped that if she made it anywhere, she would fall flat on her fucking face on the red carpet.

My aim wasn't to get to the red carpet. I was fine with independent films—they had more substance and meaning. They were worked hard on. I loved that . . . They were so raw . . . so uncut.

I was brought out of my thoughts and struggles when I heard a knock on the door.

"Bell?" I heard Alice call from the other side of my door.

"Come in." The door opened slowly and she peeked into my room with an apologetic look on her face. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. I heard you talking to Edward."

I glanced to my phone, and I frowned. I should really call him back. He shouldn't have to think I was upset with him—when I wasn't.

"Yeah . . . Everything is just complicated right now. I miss him a fuckload."

She nodded slowly in agreement. "I understand. Look—I'm really sorry that I freaked out on you. It's just . . . I thought you were playing some sick joke."

"Alice, you know me. I don't waste good torturing skills on people I like. I mean, I would waste energy like that on Jessica or something."

Alice snorted and laughed as got comfortable on my bed. We were now laying side by side and holding hands, staring at the ceiling above.

"So . . ." she started.

"So . . ." I returned.

"I'm dating Edward's best friend," she continued.

"I'm dating Jasper's best friend," I returned.

I squeezed her hand tighter, and she returned the gesture. We both laughed out loud in unison at the awesomeness of it all.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Your thoughts? I really want some reviews now. I'm starting to cry when I see I barely have any, and everybody else has sooo many. I'm not begging, cause, you know, it doesn't suit me.**

**Thanks to the readers old/new. I appreciate it all. Oh, I've also created a thread for this fic in the forums under AH. Maybe if it gets some use, I might post some teasers.**

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	16. Say Hello to the Angels

**AN: Thanks for all those reviews, you zombies. Keep `em comin.**

**I decided to write this chapter in about an hour, and give it to my beta Shasta53, who edited this thing in less than 30 minutes. I stared at the clock and counted.**

**Sigh. A lot of you guys think Bella needs to take her head out of her ass, and I completely agree. Things are smoothing over from here on out. I promise. Edward`s my fave. He`s so cute, and I wish I had a boyfriend like that. But, as Ive been told, I`ll be single for the rest of my life because I`m too bitter and intollerable. But enough about my problems, lets get on with Bella and Edwards.**

**Warning...this chapter flips a couple times through POV`s, but promises it isn`t of the same situation. No repetitivness here.**

**Chapter song and title belong to Interpol. They are awesome, you should check them out.**

**I disclaim. Meet ya at the bottom.**

**Oh, and the quote that Alice says in this chapter, "Be extreme, just do it, because you only live once," belongs to Kristen Stewart. That awesome chicks knows exactly what to say to inspire me...**

EPOV

Bella was ignoring me. She wasn't answering any of my calls. I hated being ignored, especially by the one I found myself falling in love with, when I swore I would never love again. I wanted so badly for her to pick up her phone, that I found myself calling her for the tenth time.

It rang six times and went to voicemail. My blood was fuming. Bella wasn't the only one who could have a temper.

Hi, this is Bella's answering machine. Leave a message, and she might care enough later on to listen to it.

How Bella-like.

"Bella? Do you realize how much you infuriate me? You're not going to lose me. I won't let that happen, and you have to trust me enough to prove that to you. I would never have pegged you to be the kind of girl that ignored phone calls. I always pegged you to have some balls and face something you really cared about. You're a fucking coward. I swear to God, Bella, if you don't call me back within the next hour, I'm getting on the next flight back to Vancouver, and opening you up a can of whoop-ass!"

I slammed my cellphone shut and let the countdown begin.

I paced.

I paced some more.

I paced.

It was five minutes past the hour, and she still hadn't called. To say that my balls were brutally twisted by Bella was an understatement. She knew damn well what she was doing, and she knew it drove me fucking crazy. I didn't have time to worry about how pissed she was. I had four more fucking days of the publicity bullshit, and then I was back home. Why did she have to pull this crap?

Fuck, she infuriated me, and I loved her even more for it. I found my mind being consumed by her. I found myself becoming obsessed—almost compulsive. My chest would constrict, and my paranoia would go to an all-time high. I texted her, called her, left voicemails, but she didn't return a single one. I understood that some chicks liked a guy to chase, but to just downright run in circles? Nah, I wasn't cool with that.

She needed to give me the same effort as I put into her. I wanted to show her to the world, but I would never just throw her to the wolves like that. She was too vulnerable for her own good—she just didn't know that herself. I could tell Bella tried—she tried hard to be somebody different. I could tell that she was some snarky warrior in high school when she was told she could be anything but herself. I knew that as well as she did. All my life I worried—slightly—about what people would think of me in the end, but then when you got to the end . . . where were they?

As much as Bella and I struggled to keep grounded, and focus on what was between us rather than what was around us, we always stayed in place. We may have shifted in the wrong direction, but we always knew our way back. I'd gotten lost one too many times, and though I knew it would happen again, I knew how to get myself back before insanity and betrayal lingered about.

Funny how the two always collided at the same time.

Looking back and going over everything Bella and I had fought about or hadn't done, I knew that I had to be the one to go to her. My schedule was the one that . . . well, wasn't scheduled. It was all over the place, unreliable, sporadic, and organized—when it wanted to be. And I had to be the one to make the first step.

I never went out of the way for people, and if I was making a mistake with Bella, it would be my favorite one. There was something about her that made me want to fight for her—for us. She made me see things on a level that made everything realistic. She made me see that sometimes you had to look for the bad in things in order to appreciate the good. She had an amazing sense of humor; she had this aura about her that drew me in. I was a fucking pansy—I knew this—but I was her pansy. She changed me more than she knew, and we hadn't even started progressing seriously yet. I was curious to see how much she would really change me. And I knew that it would be for the good.

I didn't even want fame, but here I was in England, trying to keep that stabilized. I was away from everybody that mattered, and focused on the people who would turn their back on you once there was malicious rumour going around the tabloids. I knew that—I had faced it at one time.

There was one thing that I had to do, and it could no longer wait. I had to get what I really wanted—what I only wanted— Bella.

I had to make a couple calls first. I picked up my cellphone and called Heather, my agent.

"Edward, you've decided you'd like to go out for dinner after all?"

"No . . . That's not why I'm calling. Look—I'm going back to Vancouver. Tonight." I could just picture her face, her jaw slapping the floor. I had seen that reaction more times than I could count.

"Tonight? Edward, are you out of your mind? You know you have the junkets for the next couple of days with Emmett. You have obligations," she said sternly, completely unimpressed.

"No, I'm not out of my mind. Look, Heather, I know you won't understand, but I have something I need to deal with in Vancouver. I know you set these dates up for us, but change them. I pay you, remember?"

"This isn't about money, Edward."

"Since when?"

BPOV

"You know, Edward has totally ruined every other guy for me. Even before we started dating, I always measured other guys up to him. Like this guy didn't have the smirk he did, or this guy didn't have nice dishevelled hair," I said, popping another all-dressed chip into my mouth.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that because you have Edward. I can't believe you're dating Edward fucking Cullen."

"Dating . . ." I said, sighing.

"What's with the Sweet Valley High depressed tone?" Alice asked, peeking over the latest gossip magazine.

"Everything is driving me crazy."

"And this is different from any other day how?"

"Shut up!" I exclaimed, sticking my tongue out at her. "You know I'm not good with relationships, since—you just know that I'm no good with relationships. I'm very skeptical, judgmental, bitter, and outspoken—"

"Wait, wait, you're talking faster than I can type this into your plenty of fish account."

"Har-har," I deadpanned.

"Hee-hee," she returned, winking at me. "Seriously, Bella, you had one bad relationship. Don't let that prick Mike ruin all other men for you. I mean, the guy looked like he had egg salad farts," she stated, laughing.

I threw my head back and groaned. Though I totally knew what Alice said about Mike was true, it was embarrassing. I hated being embarrassed for other people. "I get it—just please . . . don't continue," I rushed out, smirking.

"Well, I think you should give Edward a chance. You know as well as I do that fame can't be easy. Like you said, we've been watching it from afar for a while now, so we expect it. Just think of how Edward must feel when another tabloid lashes out on him. He's finally found his cushion—his escape?" Alice said as though it were a question. She leaned her head down to catch her eyes with mine.

I scowled.

I hated when Alice made sense.

"I get it. I totally do. I keep pushing him away because I have this fucked up thought running through my mind on how this is all going to blow up in my face. Alice, look at it from my point of view—he's rich, famous, successful, handsome . . . just everything, and what do I have to offer?" Alice stood up and threw her handful of chips in my face. Fuck, that shit stung the eyes. "Alice? What the fuck?"

"Bella, if you don't know the answer to your question, you better fucking study." With that, she walked out of my room and called back, "Weren't you the one that said, 'Be extreme, just do it, because you only live once?' Try taking your own advice, you coward. I wuv you!"

I nodded in agreement—I was a coward.

How did I figure out I was a coward? Because there were quite a few missed calls from Edward, and he left a voicemail I had yet to listen to. Coward extraordinaire.

EPOV

I was lashed out at—big time. I had a new asshole, courtesy of Heather. I didn't even know if I had a job to go back to, but that was the least of my concerns. I knew I screwed over a lot of people, but I considered it payback for all the shit I had to deal with in my day.

I made a few calls, and I was on my way back to Vancouver. I needed Bella, and I knew she needed me on some level. Like she had said, she needed to be taken out on a date, and I was tired of pushing it back. It was happening—today. And Bella didn't even know it. It was like we had to stalk around this giant warning sign that was blocking us from grasping each other. The way Bella and I stood in our relationship—if I could actually call it that—was digging, but never getting anywhere. We were running around in fucking circles, and I was tired of it.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, nervous for what I was about to do. I wanted to do something special for Bella, even though I had no idea what she thought of me right now. I was pretty observant, but I lacked the skill when I actually needed it.

The vibration of my phone knocked me out of my thoughts. I looked down and saw that Emmett was calling me. This wasn't going to be good.

"Hello," I answered, sighing.

"What the fuck, man!" he yelled. "Do you have any idea how much you are fucking things up right now?"

"Honestly, I don't give a shit what I'm fucking up," I said.

"You're a fucking prick, dude. I mean, you have other people who are invested in this film, and you just up and leave? I mean, I understand an emergency, but I have a fucking feeling that's not what it is. We have interviews, Edward! You had a photo shoot with Rose in a couple days. It can't be done without you."

"My, Heather, your voice has changed," I shot back. I was sick and tired of listening to the constant nagging, harping, the "what should be" and the "what shouldn't." "It may not be an emergency, but it's something important to me. Like you said, people are invested. So, then go invest, Emmett. Limelight is on you now."

"This isn't about fucking limelight, Edward. We were in this together, and ever since shooting in Vancouver, you've gone all AWOL. That's not cool, dude," Emmett shouted.

"Look—I said I would make it up," I cleared up.

"You're a tool. Go fuck yourself. You've fucked everybody over, Edward. You know, we will get through this with or without you," he pointed out.

"Then why are you complaining?"

After a long and exhausting eight hour flight, I finally filled my gut with McDonalds, and now it was down to business. I was at Jasper's place, and I needed to figure out what I was going to do about Bella. I needed to figure out something epic—something that she would never forget. I had tried calling her again a couple times since I came back, but she still hadn't answered. I was starting to freak out.

"I tried calling Bella again, Jasper, but she's not answering her phone," I panicked. I wanted so badly to go over to Bella's house, but I didn't want to fall onto the creepster side of things—yet, anyway.

"Is she at work?"

"Work! Jasper, you're a genius. Help me find the number," I said quickly, running across his living room and grabbing the phonebook. I flipped a few pages until I came across her place of work. "Got it! Ah ha!"

"Good boy. You know how to use a phonebook," he said, laughing. I have him the finger while he sported his smart-ass grin.

It rang a couple times before somebody picked up. "Hi , Coffee House, Jacob speaking."

"Hi," I started, and then coughed. I was nervous. "Is Bella working?"

"Nah, dude, she's in at four today. Call back then."

Inside I was literally jumping with satisfaction. Finally, something that just might work out. "Okay, cool. Thanks," I said, grinning.

"Have a good one," Jacob said, and then hung up.

"Jasper?" I asked, turning around to face him. "I just got the best fucking idea." I nodded in appreciation and lit a smoke up.

"I don't like the sound of that," he said, looking weary.

I punched the side of his arm, and he mockingly cried like a girl. "I told you, Eddie . . . I don't . . . I don't like when ya hurt me. I told ya, you do it again, I'm leaving you for Timmy," he said in his best female impression.

I threw my head back and laughed, but soon sobered up. I needed to get my plan set in action. This was going to be too good.

"How do I look, Jasper?" I said, looking at my hair in the rear-view mirror.

"Dude, are you fucking serious? You're acting like a woman," he said, looking at me skittish.

"Oh, c'mon now, big boy, give your daddy a compliment," I perved out, laughing soon after.

"Fuck, man, get the hell out of here. She'll be cool with how you look. I mean, you have the tight jeans you said she liked. You have the leather coat, the torn T-shirt, the gelled back hair . . . You're James Dean, dude."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I decided to play this cool.

"Okay. I can do this." I let out a low breath and looked across the street. I could see her serving customers, and my memory of her didn't do her justice. She was so beautiful. What I would do to be so close to her. Often I thought about how close we came to having sex, and I prayed that one day—soon—we could do it right. I thought about how she tasted—incredible. I wanted to hear her moan when I kissed her in the right spot, I wanted to hear her laugh when I said something funny . . .

"Earth to Edward," Jasper called.

I shook my head and looked at him. Sorry, dude. I'm ready."

"Good. Get out—I wanna go see Alice."

I nodded, and when I stepped out of the car, Jasper slapped my ass. I screamed in shock and turned around quickly, glaring at him. "Don't do that again," I warned, practically laughing.

"Go get 'em, tiger," he replied, before leaning over and closing the passenger side door. He drove off not a second later, and I was alone, outside, across the street from Bella's work.

I lit a smoke, preparing myself for what I was about to do. I knew she liked the unexpected, though hated it just as much. I knew for a fact she never would have taken my threat to coming back to Vancouver seriously. If anything, she probably hadn't even listened to the message yet. I made myself up to look like some rebel. I planned to walk into the Coffee House and act as though it was the first time I met Bella—to have a fresh start. I just hoped she knew what I was doing, and she'd play along.

I was going to do what I should have done three months ago—ask my girlfriend out on a date.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Awh, Edward. What a man! He`s gonna go in like a random customer and hit on Bella. How cute. Hopefully Bella will play a long. What did ya think? Reviews would be good.**


	17. Sicssor Runner

**AN: Awesome response to the last chapter. I think it`s wicked cool that you guys enjoy this story as much as I do.**

**I love Shasta53, because she edited this for me. I love you, cootnugget.**

**Chapter song and title belong to Johnny and Jenny's Scissor Runner**

**I dedicate this to my bff. She is amazingly inspirational, and I can`t tell her enough. We have an unspoken agreement.**

**In this chapter you will see "Edwardo Cullernado" or something like that. That was inspired by my brother. He knows who Robert Pattionson is and how to pronounce his name, but he says "Rodriges Peterson" just to piss me off. My brother is an amazing man.**

**Damn, I feel like Im on an emotional rollercoaster. Pms, I suppose. Oh, before I let you go off and read. You'll notice the names Rob and Kristen being used, but know it was for ironic purposes only. I'm no robsten believer. I don't follow that phony religion.**

**This chapter is extra long, just for you.**

I disclaim

BPOV

To say that I obsessively looked at my cellphone to observe Edward`s missed calls would be putting it lightly. Alice tried her best to keep me company, and to keep me occupied by filling me in with stories about Jasper and dick customers at work.

No matter how many times Alice made me laugh or listened to me go off on a tangent about what I hated this week, my thoughts still lingered on Edward. I had obviously been a bitch. I chose not to listen to him when he tried to explain, and honestly, that was a dick move on my part. I had admitted once that I was afraid, and I was—still was. I often told myself that I would change, give people the benefit of the doubt, but I never knew how much hard work it would be, how much energy it took away from me.

I wanted to spend every single breathing moment with Edward. I wanted to consume him as much as he consumed me. I hated him for making me feel the way I did. I wanted to be one of those chicks that enjoyed watching their boyfriend sleep, watching them eat, and listen to every stupid thing they had to say.

It was hard, the distance between us. It felt like we were working so hard to up-keep something that we never built the foundation for. Call me a heartless bitch, a lot of people had. More often than not I thought about things, analyzed them, broke them down until I could find something to hate. I was angry—with good reason. I didn't feel like much these days. I had school to keep me going, my job, and my over-protective mother who made it her duty to call me once every two days.

I couldn't sleep these days, and my blues wouldn't go away. The night that I had spoken with Edward and hung up on him was probably the worst night. I was confused as fuck, and I had no way of untangling the mess that I had obviously created.

Never in my years would I have thought that dating a celebrity would be so hard. I had other obstacles to think about, and I had way more to sacrifice. Some would say I was smart for thinking in the long run, and others would say I was completely stupid, self-centred, and selfish for pushing such a wonderful opportunity away.

Edward gave me way more patience than I deserved. I'd fucked things up before, and it was a fact that it would happen again. It was always this way for me. I needed to get my head out of my ass and focus on what I wanted. I wanted Edward, I wanted an acting career, I wanted to find happiness, but I hated all those things because it would suck me back into living with what the rest of society did.

I wanted something unique, something that that I could claim as my own. I didn't believe in leading a double life—living one life and sneaking behind the scenes to live another one. But then, what was I doing with Edward? Every day I would go to school, and nobody knew that I was dating Edward Cullen. If they did, would people talk to me more? Would they actually consider my ideas and my points to be a good one? Would they suddenly think that my favorite bands were actually cool? Would they think that what I wore was "completely awesome" and want to know what stores I shopped at?

That was the thing—I hated predictable situations. Going public with Edward—if he still wanted that after my bitch tantrum last night—would allow me a bit of each: some living on the end and some predictability.

Before I strangled myself with my own thoughts and stupidity, I felt my desk vibrate beneath me, and I looked down to see my mom calling me. I pulled out my headphones and sighed. Though I had done nothing but occupy my time with thoughts of Edward—I had a plot to write and organize for class.

"Hi, Mom," I said, noting the squeal she made when I answered.

"Baby, how are you?"

"The same as two days ago," I said, sighing. I felt like trash, so I walked over to my bed and lay down.

"Bella, what's the matter? You were acting like a grouch the last time we talked," she said sternly.

"I just have a lot going on."

"Is it a boy?"

As much as that question screamed cliché, it was true.

"No," I lied, glancing over at my Edward Cullen poster hanging at the back of my door.

How fucking weird was this?

"Do you know who you're talking to, Bella? Don't try and smuggle your way out of this."

I was the biggest fake.

"Maybe it does have to do with a guy—a little," I admitted, groaning as I sat up on my bed.

"Tell me, baby girl. Oh, I'm so happy for you."

She spoke too soon.

"Mom, things are . . . complicated right now." I felt my chest constrict at the truth in my words. I hated the fact that I had to be one of those chicks that recited that line. I just hoped that it wouldn't come often.

I struggled—I played tug-a-war with my heart's thoughts and the one's in my head. I was safe in telling my mom, but was I safe enough in telling her that it was Edward Cullen I was talking about? For certain, if I told her I was dating a celebrity—who she admired more than I did—then I would be admitted in the psycho ward.

Honestly.

"Well, I've got time to let you vent. I'm here," she cooed.

How tempting.

"Mom, I have to work in a couple of hours. I just . . ."

She sighed, and I heard her click her tongue with impatience. "Just what, baby? I'm your mama. You know, you used to tell me everything, until—"

"I know that, Mom," I said bitterly. I didn't like to think of after "until."

"You know I'm sorry about that. I know it was years ago, but I know it's because of me that you have a hard time opening up—trusting people," she said apologetically.

I hated when Renée blamed herself. It was in the past and bringing it up every time something went to shit in my life fucking sucked. I didn't need to be reminded, and I didn't want to remember.

"Mom, I trust people," I deadpanned.

"Then why are you holding back?"

"Well, maybe I just don't like announcing my stupidity. And the fact that what I tell you, you won't believe, anyway."

"Bella, that's enough. Okay, how about we do this—"

I cut her off. None of this therapist shit was happening today.

"Mom. Stop. I have a problem with a guy, and I will sort it out on my own. Just like I've had to do with everything else," I shot back, hanging up.

Dick move and hang up number two.

I was a bitch for throwing what she put me through back in her face. I was a lost cause.

After taking a long walk and smoking a couple of cigarettes, I finally arrived back home. I checked the mail, and it was piled with bills and a letter from my parents. As I walked inside, I opened up the envelope and it was a check for two-hundred dollars. Suddenly, I felt the guilt pile one.

Pretty much my parents had given me this money, and I repaid them by bitching Renée out. I would call her back.

I would.

I threw the rest of the mail on the kitchen table, did my couple of dishes, and looked at the time. I had to leave for work in a half an hour. I grabbed fresh clothes out of my dresser and sighed. It was only when something crappy happened, that I got the crappy shifts to inconvenience me. I had planned to call Edward back tonight, but I guess it would have to wait. My walk had revived my rationality, and I knew I had to make amends.

I pushed people away for no reason. I knew I had problems. I knew I had also admitted them. But taking action to fix them was a whole other pile of shit, and I wasn't about to get my pitchfork and start picking at it.

I put my clothes on the toilet lid and turned on the shower. As I waited for the water to heat up, I wiped the condensation away from the mirror stared at my reflection. I saw uncertainty, bitchiness, and . . . hopelessness. I saw all the unfairness that I had casted towards Edward.

I just saw everything—everything that I tried every day to run away from.

It was funny how you spent your whole life running away from problems, and in the end the problem was you.

After throwing a couple of punches at my pillow, and a couple more smokes, I was off to work. The pavement was wet and there was a light drizzle falling from the sky.

I loved cold, rainy weather. Some thought I was nuts—I thought I was different.

I liked it.

It was just something about seeing the way the earth changed when it was cold—how it fought to protect itself. There was just something about the soaked leaves that stuck to the road, the smell of the air, the freshness of the rain. It was all so . . . clarifying. It felt as though it opened my mind and allowed me to breathe.

I also felt protected. When it was cloudy, I felt a certain cover over me, that I was hidden away from the rest of the world, that when I walked down the street nobody could see me. It was as if I was invisible. In the sunlight, it felt like everybody stared at me, that the spotlight was directly on me, and everybody saw me—raw and exposed.

I hated it.

Once I drove to work, I had ten minutes to kill before I had to start. I never went into work to hang out in the crew room until my shift started. I wouldn't spend more time in that place if I didn't need to. Coffee House was still a pretty shitty job, but I worked with a couple decent people. Since school started, I moved to the evening shift, so I either closed with Jacob or Bree. There were never any supervisors, so I didn't have to worry about kissing ass, smiling, upselling, and caring for the customer.

When I worked the evenings, the motto: the customer was always right, turned to: the customer was always right, until they were wrong.

Let's face it—customers fucking sucked, and I didn't give into their bullshitting lies. If the customer didn't know what the fuck they wanted, how was I supposed to know?

I refused to think about work —I wasn't getting paid to hate on it yet. In my haste to forget I had to work in a few minutes, I took the time to call my mom back.

"y'ello," Charlie answered.

He rocked.

"Hi, Dad,"

"Hi, kid. How are ya?"

"I'm doing all right, I guess." I pushed my hand through my hair, nervous. "Dad, I—"

"I know, Bells. But you have to realize that she beats herself up over this. You throwing what she's tried so hard to make this family forget, hurt her."

"I know . . ."

I was a horrible daughter.

"She's sleeping right now. I could wake her if you'd like."

"No. Can you just . . . I mean, tell her I . . ." I was an awkward person. Confessing and admitting I was wrong wasn't my forte.

"I'll tell her you're sorry, kid."

I sighed in relief. "Thanks," I said softly. "I'll call back soon. I know it's already 7PM there for you now, so I'll call back tomorrow or something."

"Sounds good. Bells?"

"Mhm," I hummed, grabbing my backpack and getting out of my truck.

"Enlighten your mother the next time you talk to her."

I smiled. My dad was such a simple man.

"I'll enlighten," I said, walking into work, the smell of the coffee making my stomach churn.

I hated this place.

"That's my girl. Talk soon."

"Talk soon," I responded.

I was about to hang up, but I heard Charlie's voice in the distance. I put the phone back up to my ear. "Dad?"

There was a long pause before he spoke up. "I, uh, you know, love ya."

I couldn't help but smile again. "I know. And, uh, you know, I love ya, too," I said in the same way he told me.

He laughed. "Bye, kid."

"Bye."

We would just call in an unspoken agreement.

I ended the call and dropped my backpack on the floor. I took my uniform out and walked into the change room.

I had to get ready for another night of doom. Thankfully, Jacob was working, so it would be at least a bit bearable.

Like the training videos said—the employees were like a family here at Coffee House.

I laughed out loud.

"Why is it, every time I come in here, there are never anymore blueberry muffins?" the bitch-ass customer demanded.

I held in my rage and smiled. Faked it was more appropriate. "Because we are required to make a certain amount, and once they sell out—they sell out," I explained, digging my fingernails into my palms.

"I want to speak to your manager. I don't like the other kinds of muffins you have. You should have more variety!" she screeched, making the customers stop their conversations—and their chewing—to watch in on all the action.

"The manager is only in during the days, ma'am,' I said, irritated.

"IS THAT SO?"

For FUCK'S sake.

You stupid, fucking cunt! I hate you. Fucking choke on a cock, bitch! Get a life. I hope your coffee scorches you!

I could feel myself trembling, on the brink of exploding on this bitch. I didn't need anybody fucking with me today. I opened my mouth to bitch her out, but then heard the smooth tone of Jacob's voice.

"Love, I'm really sorry that we don't have the muffin you're looking for. It is true that we have a prep sheet that allows us to make a certain quantity. I understand your frustration. I mean, if I came in looking for something good and realized they didn't have it, I would be upset, too. That's why I'm willing to offer you what you would like today for free—too make up for the disappointment. Would that be okay?" he said softly, smiling at the behemoth.

I whipped my head up to look at him, and then back to the customer. Jackass. She smiled and continued getting served by Jacob. I let out a low breath, grabbed a Coke from the cooler, and made my way to the back.

It was dead as fuck in here, and I just wanted to leave. I only had to work until eight today, because Jacob was closing. So, I had three more hours to go. I took out my iPhone from my coat pocket to realize I had no new texts and no new missed calls.

I threw my phone down on the crew table and took another sip of my pop. Jacob turned the corner and crossed his arms over his chest, smirking.

"What?" I said harshly.

"You're a grump," he stated.

I chuckled humorlessly and walked passed him, making my way to the store front. I grabbed a cloth and started wiping down the machines. I saw Jacob standing next to me in my peripheral vision, and I looked up at him. "What?"

"What's up?" he asked, clearly concerned.

Odd.

"Nothing. Personal shit," I answered, hoping he didn't pry some more.

"Personal shit sucks," he stated, grabbing the drip trays from the espresso machine and putting them in the sink.

I turned on the water for him while I nodded in agreement. "I agree."

"You know if you ever wanted to talk about anything, I'm here. I mean, I don't know any of your friends, so I can't really blackmail you."

I smiled and glanced back at him. He winked and turned back to clean the trays.

"You're cool, Jacob."

"I am?" he said as though he'd ever heard it before, but knew he was full of shit.

"Yes." I nodded. "But I'll only tell you that once because I don't want it going to your head."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Got it, Bella. Well, since we're on the topic, you're pretty cool, too. But don't go around telling people that because it will ruin my image."

"Cunt Nugget," I retorted.

"Ball Cheese," he quickly responded.

Damn he was good.

A couple hours later, three customers served, and we were ready to kill ourselves with boredom. In the lack of customers tonight, I got to know Jacob. I found out that he was also from Washington. Small world. His dad, brother, and sister lived in La Push, and he decided to come to Vancouver on a working visa.

"So, was it hard for you to come to Canada?" I asked, sipping my Grande Chai Latte.

"It was rough, yeah. But it's easier to come to Canada, then it is to get anywhere else."

"I agree—completely. Trying to get into Vancouver had its ass-fuck moments."

"Like?" Jacob prompted.

"You have to prove a lot of shit, have a lot of interviews. Thankfully, I came here for school. I can only stay in Canada as a permanent resident if I get a job here. That alone will be a bitch, but that doesn't matter anyway, I want to go to L.A. once I'm done with school."

"That's cool, dude. What are you taking in school?"

I sighed and walked over to grab the broom and started sweeping before I answered him. "I'm taking acting at VADA. My best friend is taking film production at VFS."

"That's pretty sweet. In no time you'll be living the high life. Maybe one day you'll get to meet that guy every chick here practically cums over."

I quirked my eyebrow and laughed. "And who would this orgasm-worthy guy be?"

"I don't know. I think is name is EdwardoCullernado."

I laughed—wholeheartedly. "You said it wrong on purpose."

"Maybe."

"You did because you don't want to admit you know his name."

"Fine."

I laughed. "We're still cool. But just know I could beat down your social status by hunting down your friends and telling them you have a crush on EdwardoCullernado."

"Bitch."

"Asshole"

"I'm not gay."

"Okay."

"I'm not."

"Mhm," I answered, walking to the back to grab the dustpan.

"Bella!"

"Jacob!"

I heard him growl out in frustration, and I laughed.

He wasn't gay.

"Bella, I'm so bored," Jacob complained, stealing a brownie from the display and taking a bite.

I looked at the clock, and I was off in half an hour. I knew if I went home I would mope around over Edward, and I needed to focus on something else for a change.

I knew this was going to make Jacob happy. "Jake?"

"Yeah," he said, his mouth full of brownie.

"Why don't you just jet? I'll close up for you."

His eyes went wide. "You serious?"

"Yes. Now go before I change my mind."

He fist pumped the air and ran to the back to punch out. I closed down one of the registers and started turning off some of the machines. We were always told we could close at ten, if it wasn't busy.

I saw Jacob walk around the counter to leave. He waved me goodbye. "Thanks for this, Bella."

I waved back. "Don't mention it."

He nodded and pushed the door open. As soon as he crossed the threshold he stopped short and turned around. "Oh, Bella, I forgot to mention that this guy called for you this morning."

My chest constricted, instantly thinking it was Edward. "Who was it?" I rushed out, looking desperate.

"I don't know. He didn't leave a name, but I told him you were in at four and to call back."

"Oh," I said, my heart deflating.

"Bye!"

"Bye."

I looked around the restaurant and saw an old couple drinking coffee and a student on their laptop. I huffed and walked around, reading the posters on the wall out of boredom.

This stuff was bullshit.

I wondered who had called. It couldn't be very many people, so my assumption was on Edward, though I wouldn't get my hopes up. But then why would my hopes be up? I had been ignoring him for far too long.

I finally put my foot down and went to grab my cellphone. I was half way into dialling Edward's number when I heard the door jingle. I huffed in frustration and put my phone down. I would call Edward once I finished this customer. I had to.

I walked in front and made it to my cash, and when I looked up, my heart stopped.

Leather and gel.

EPOV

I moved away from the streetlights, so I could keep my identity disclosed. I didn't need for crazy fans to come up to me and demand photos and autographs. I didn't need some bored asshole to call all the tabloids and have the paps hounding my ass, either.

I watched as Bella laughed with that guy she was working with. I hated the fact that he could make her smile like that, and I couldn't. I made it my next mission to make her smile like that. I had to fix this. I waited for the right time to go over and enter her work.

I wanted so badly to make this work. I just hoped she appreciated the fact that I had come all the way from London to be with her—hopefully, she could see how serious I was.

Next thing I knew, I saw the jackass leave, and I composed myself. She was by herself—I had the perfect opportunity now, and I wouldn't waste another one. I flipped up the collar on my leather coat, looked both ways, and then crossed the street. As soon as I entered the door, I saw no sign of Bella. I stood a couple of feet away from the cash and remembered the last time I stood here.

It never even crossed my mind that we would have come this far. I felt my gut squirm with nerves, and I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. I looked over to the entrance of the back and saw her walk out towards the cash. She was looking down, walking slowly towards me. She didn't even know it was me yet.

I had to do what I came here to do. I had to execute my plan.

Once she stopped in front of her cash and looked up, her eyes grew wide with shock and she gasped. I hoped it was good shock.

Our eyes were glued to each other's, and I could see her swallow and cross her arms over her chest.

She was protecting herself.

I wanted so much to forget my plan and walk over to her, grab her and kiss her with everything I had. I wanted to fall to my knees and ask her to love herself and love me as well.

I cleared my throat and looked up at the menu, her shocked gaze still on me. I could feel her scanning me, and I prayed to whatever the hell was up there that she liked what she saw. As I was reading the menu, but not reading anything at all, I thought back to how beautiful she looked.

Her beautiful brown eyes, her flawless skin, the way she bit her lip, her . . . just everything about her.

I wanted to hold her hand, trace every curve of her body—get to know everything about her, more than time allowed us to fucking have.

I was here—I had a reason for being here: Bella.

I looked back at her, glad that she hadn't gone off one me—or worse—kicked me out. She was fiddling around with the cash, yet keeping an eye on me.

"Uh, I'm new in town. I saw this place, and thought I'd come and try something out," I started. My voice was shaky.

Fuck, I was a pansy.

She quickly looked up at me and furrowed her eyebrows.

God, she was beautiful.

I could tell she was confused at first, and I waited.

"What . . . What did you have in mind?" she stuttered out.

My heart swelled at the fact that she was playing along.

"What do you recommend? I mean, I travel a lot, you know, so I need something hard."

"Well, you're outta luck. We don't serve hard drinks here. There's a bar down the street."

Snarky.

I smirked and walked closer to the cash. She backed away a step, and I leaned down, resting my elbows on the counter top. "A bar down the street?" I pretended that I didn't see her flinch.

"Yeah."

She was being very quiet.

"Do you have the name? Maybe I'll check it out.

Bella sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She finally looked me in the eyes, and I didn't like what I saw. I saw hurt and confusion. "Pub 340."

I had to work harder. "Huh." I smiled. "I once met a very beautiful girl at a Pub called just that. She was all I ever thought about." We kept our eyes locked—having a silent conversation. Her eyes started to glisten, and she looked away from me.

I immediately felt lost. "Are you thinking about her now?" she asked quietly.

"I am. You know, you look an awful lot like her. What's your name?" I smiled and winked at her.

The side of her mouth twitched a bit, but it never turned into a full smile. "Kristen."

"You have a beautiful name, Kristen."

She nodded and jerked her head towards me. "What's yours?"

I hesitated, never having given my alter-ego a name. "Rob," I finally answered.

"Hi, Rob."

"Hi, Kristen." She walked back over to the cash register and mimicked my movements, placing her elbows on the counter. I lifted my hand and tucked her long bangs behind her ear, and she closed her eyes and sighed. "I missed you," I admitted.

"I missed you, too." She opened her eyes back up and grabbed the collar of my leather jacket and pulled me towards her. She slowly and softly kissed my lips, lingering there for a few seconds more.

When she pulled back, she withdrew again, crossing her arms over her chest. Her lips felt amazing, they were soft and dry and . . . Bella.

"So, Kristen, would you like to go out sometime? Show me around."

"I don't know if my boyfriend would approve. He's in London right now."

"Does he travel a lot?" I asked, knowing where she was going with this.

"Yeah," she said, sighing.

"Do you miss him?"

"Every second."

I nodded and looked down. I couldn't stand seeing her so upset. "I'm sure he doesn't want to be without you."

"I can't always be so sure."

I ran my hand through my hair, before looking back at her. "I'm sure he misses you, too. I bet you never leave his mind, and that he wishes he could be with you. I'm also sure he hates himself for having to do this to you, and if he had a choice, he would stop what he was doing and come to see you. I also bet that he knows he's been a fucking prick and an inconsiderate asshole."

Bella finally smiled, but it was small, almost undetectable. She just nodded in response.

"Bella?"

I was done being Rob. Bella needed to talk to me now. I needed her, and I was tired of waiting.

"Yes, Edward."

"Would you like to go on a date sometime?"

Bella turned away from me and covered her face. Her shoulders shook a bit, but subsided. It took a few moments before she turned around to answer my question. Her eyes were glossy and red.

I didn't mean to make her cry.

"When?"

"Whenever you want. Maybe after you're done work?"

She looked at the clock, and then nodded. "I close up in about twenty minutes."

I smiled, and so did she. "I'll wait."

"Okay . . ."

Bella went off to finish up her closing shift and looked back at me and smiled every so often. Finally, after a closing call, the few customers that were left made their way out, and it was just Bella and I.

I didn't want to start up a conversation with her right now because we would always be cut off by her closing duties. I would keep my mouth shut until she had punched off, and we'd left the store.

The twenty minutes that passed felt like an eternity. Finally, Bella came around the counter with her coat and bag, punching in the code to the alarm. "We have fifteen seconds to get out of here before the alarm goes off," she said.

We both left quickly, but she turned around and locked the door. After doing so, she pulled out her pack of Camels and lit one, inhaling deeply.

"You look good," I said, taking her hand in mine.

"Thanks . . . Um, so do you."

There was a long pause with words unspoken, and I didn't like the fact that it felt awkward between us.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I started, stopping and pulling her in for a hug. I wasted no time. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and held her tightly.

"I know . . . I know," she muffled out, talking against my leather coat. She finally wrapped her arms around my waist and tugged gently.

I held her like that.

For a while.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Any thoughts on what Renee did? Next chapter will be a long one for you, too. It's the telling of their date. Not too long of a wait.**

**Thoughts?**


	18. Twilight Zone

**AN: Woah. My favourites went up. Thanks for that and the reviews.**

**Shasta53, the smut queen says this was "hot." I also owe her dignity for editing this. Too bad I don't have any.**

**Chapter song and title belong to Van Morrison's Twilight Zone**

**And, Tawxil (my bff)- See you at Starbucks tomorrow. This is for you.**

**Beware: Edward and Bella have potty mouth.**

**Alright, see you at the bottom. And, as usual, I disclaim. I don't own anything, like, not even a soul. They guy who works the service desk at Wal-Mart stole it.**

Twilight Zone

BPOV

I pulled Edward close to me—avoiding the all dreaded conversation—and inhaled his scent. He smelled like damp leather and cigarettes.

It was now, by far, my favorite smell.

I pulled away from him and looked directly into his eyes. I wasn`t going to be afraid any more. He was what I wanted, whether he knew it or not. I didn't see the man on the TV screens, in magazines, or in interviews, I saw Edward—my boyfriend. All that other stuff didn't matter; it just caused more problems than I'd like to admit.

"Edward, I—"

"Please, let me say something…" he interrupted, looking worried.

I reached up and traced his furrowed eyebrows. He watched me, confused, but I just smiled at him. I leaned into him further and kissed his chin. "Say something, then," I said.

He sighed and moved away from me. I immediately felt his absence. I knew Edward was stressed out, and so was I. I was mad—at him for always being away from me. He was upset with me because I didn't understand that this wasn't his fault, that this was his job—his life.

I did understand, though.

More than I wanted to.

"Bella, I want you to trust me," he stated, looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"Okayy. . ." I dragged out, shrugging my shoulders. "I trust you."

I did.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Can you say it like you mean it?"

I threw my smoke on the ground and stepped on it, butting it out. I inhaled a deep breath, refusing to fight with Edward today. One step forward, not one step back. "Edward?"

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then you should know that when I say something that it's the truth. I do trust you…"

A group of girls laughing not too far from us startled me. I jumped and looked to the side, watching them as they came closer, and knew if they got a good look at Edward, our cover would be blown.

I looked back at Edward and pushed him to the side of the fruit market.

"Jesus, Bella. What are you doing?" Edward yelled, stumbling back and slamming into the brick wall.

I pressed my index finger up against his lips and jerked my head to the side. No more than a minute later the girls walked by, leaving us unnoticed.

I removed my hand from his lips and said, "Saving you from a threesome of proste-tots."

He let out a sigh of relief and nodded. "Thanks," he said, and then smiled.

I loved his smile.

It made me…want him.

"Now that we've gotten our trust issues over with—kiss me," I said simply, and leaned into him. I grabbed onto the collar of Edward's jacket as he brought his hands to the side of my face, brushing his thumbs over my cheeks. He smiled once more, and then softly pressed his lips against mine.

There were several hesitant kisses at first, but I wanted more, so I deepened the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and tugging his hair. Edward moaned against my lips, causing the same reaction out of me.

"I missed you…" I said, pulling away from him, out of breath.

"Not like I've missed you," he replied back, but before I could disagree, I felt his warm, soft tongue slide into my mouth.

I was nervous…everywhere. I never got fucking butterflies, but they betrayed me in every way possible. I could feel his taste buds, feel the veins. He tasted like coffee and Edward.

So, after many nights of going to bed over the past few years, wondering what Edward Cullen would taste like, this was it—and it was worth the wait.

He grunted out and pushed me away from him, looking at me with heavy lidded eyes, out of breath. "Bella, you'll be the end of me."

I hoped so.

I licked my lips, devouring every last piece of Edward I could get. I swallowed and smiled at the fact that I could still taste him. I stared at him for a few beats longer, but shook my head quickly, shaking away all the dirty thoughts I had.

Something about fucking Edward in a dark alley full of cigarettes and homeless piss just turned me on.

"I hope not." I sighed. "I know some place that's quiet, so we can talk."

I felt him nod, and he rubbed his hands up and down my biceps. "Are you cold?"

"No…Are you?"

"Vancouver weather has nothing on me," he said, chuckling.

I looked up at him and smiled, quirking my eyebrow. "Really? Well, if you hang around me long enough, you'll freeze." I bit my lip and backed away from him, throwing my bag back over my shoulder.

"How so?"

"One day, you'll see."

He furrowed his eyebrows at my absurdity, and I heard a "psshh," come from his mouth.

Before we exited the alley way, I quickly turned around, stopping Edward. "Have you been bombarded by any crazy fans today?"

"Surprsingly, no, but that's because nobody knows I'm here," Edward said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

I looked at him skeptically and crossed my arms. "What's that supposed to mean, Whizzy?" I asked, clearly expecting his answer. Edward was head-on about things. I knew he couldn't just up and leave his obligations to come here and see me, some plain, flannel wearing bitter chick.

"It's not important. I came here for you," he said smoothly, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I copied his movements by wrapping my arm around his back, sliding it underneath his shirt, softly tracing my fingers over his skin. I sighed. It was a lose-lose situation. I wanted to know the story behind him being here, but I hadn't seen him in three months, and so I was greedy.

"All right. Here," I said, taking my black slouchy hat out of the front pocket of my bag, "put this on, so we could have some privacy tonight."

He smiled and tapped my nose with his index finger; I scrunched it up, doing the same thing back to him. "Thanks, babe."

Babe.

My knees buckled at the endearment. I'd never in a million years would have thought somebody could make my knees buckle. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd found happiness or thought it existed, but here I was, writing my own definition.

I was freaked out.

But I was his warrior. I could get past anything.

"What are you smiling at, Bella?" he asked, humor lacing his tone.

"You."

"Me?" he repeated. "How am I making you smile?"

"That's a mystery, Edward." I pursed my lips, trying to hide my developing smile, but obviously was no good at it.

"That you are…That you are," he stated, kissing the top of my head.

Once we settled in a secluded booth in the dim lit, awesome Amsterdam Café, I brought my knees up to my chest and placed my forearm on Edward's shoulder.

"You can honestly smoke a joint in here?" Edward asked, looking amazed.

"Yeah. I think because Vancouver is pretty much a grow-op, they would rather keep it under control rather than try and stop everybody from using. I mean, the government decriminalized it. I was shocked when I came here and found that out."

"It's pretty awesome in here," he said, slouching down in the booth, allowing me to tuck myself further into his side.

I grabbed Edward's face and turned him to face me. I kissed him lightly, but lingered a few pauses and rubbed my nose with his. I backed away and grabbed my tea from the table, taking a sip. "Do you like your special brownie," I asked.

"It's good. Do you wanna try some?"

I dismissed his offer with a wave of my hand. "Nah, my muffin is good enough."

We sat in our booth, looking around and sipping our hemp teas. It was obvious we were ignoring the inevitable, but if I could put it off for a few more minutes, I wouldn't complain. It wasn't bad things we needed to talk about, but they were stressful, causing strain to fall flat on our relationship…or whatever this was.

Edward had come all the way from England to see me. Or so I thought. He could have been here for something else, but out of convenience, came to see me. I was waiting for him to suddenly sit up straight and say he had to end the night.

I had to start having some faith in him. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to fucking forget his premieres, his after parties, his interviews, and just stay here…with me.

We had been away from each other for three months, and it was fucking hard not seeing him. Talking to him on the phone was sufficed, but quickly started to lack what I craved most. I watched him on T.V., watched him in a few interviews, but everything just wasn't enough any more. And that was what scared the shit out of me.

I was becoming involved. I was sinking in the all consume-me boat, and I prayed to anything that somebody would save me—that Edward would save me.

"Bella?" Edward called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him quickly, assuming I'd pulled a dick move and ignored him. "What? I mean, yeah," I rushed out.

"Why do you like this place?" he asked, clearly interested.

I'd never experienced that. I was used to people paying me no mind.

"It's real. It's quiet, but yet noisy all at the same time. I like to have my space, be ignored, but have the lingering chatter of the people around me. I feel blended in here, like, the atmosphere is just right."

He nodded in understanding. "It is nice. How often do you come here?" He tucked my bangs behind my ears and took one of my hands in his.

I lightly rubbed my thumb over his knuckles, observing his skin and the fine hairs that lay on top. "A lot," I said sullenly.

It was my space when Edward wasn't near. I'd discovered this place one night when I refused to sit at home and wallow over him.

"Bella?" He grabbed the side of my face, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me something."

I opened my mouth a few times, trying to figure out how to answer him. "W-what do you want to know?"

"You."

"Okay," I dragged out, shaking my head in confusion. "Care to elaborate."

He removed his arm from around me and maneuverer himself in the booth until he had his forearms rested on the table. "Tell me something about you. Anything."

Just then, Twilight Zone by Van Morrison came on, and my chest constricted. I loved this song, and it couldn't come on a better moment. "I love Van Morrison," I said, hoping that suited what he wanted to hear.

"Me, too," he said, smiling.

"I love this song, actually," I continued.

"Me, too," he said again, still smiling.

"Edward! Say something else," I demanded, huffing.

"I like seeing you under pressure."

"You do, do you?" I said, more seductively than I intended.

Edward closed his eyes momentarily and whispered something that I couldn't make out.

Of course, subconsciously, I wanted Edward. I wanted him in every way possible. I thought about sleeping with him on numerous counts, but were we even ready for that?

There were nights when I'd "sleep" with him, but it was nobody but me, myself, and I. I could never admit that, though. He gave me something that made me come back for more, made me search high and low.

Fucking Edward and sealing the deal was tempting, but opened up the door for disaster.

I didn't think I could handle that. I knew I could hold back from devouring every inch of Edward. I couldn't exactly think that he wanted the same things. He'd never made any sign or made the first move, so who was I to assume anything?

I'd just go with the flow—like I'd done for everything else in my life.

Just like everything else, this would probably slip from between my fingers. I liked Edward, loved him, even, but I wasn't prepared to take action and tell him that.

Three months ago, I had an incident where I'd told him I loved him. He told me, too. But that was the fucked up thing about all this shit. There was so much space, so much distance between us all the time, what did we do once we were back together? Start where we left off? What if we didn't feel the same way?

It was fucked up.

"You're hot, Bella," Edward said suddenly.

"What?" I laughed.

"You're beautiful when you think. I just wish you'd let me in that head of yours."

"It's a dangerous place, Edward."

"I'm tough."

"That's what I thought, too."

"Let me in on one thing…Just one." He smiled enough for me to see his beautiful teeth. I loved when he smiled like that, because the crowfeet at the side of his eyes defined, causing me to go crazy.

I leaned into him and kissed the side of his left eye. "I love your crowfeet."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Is that what you were really thinking?"

"You asked for one thing. You smiled, and then I thought about your beautiful crowfeet."

"Strange, but thank you," he said, smirking. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles.

"I was thinking," he prompted, looking straight into my eyes.

"Aw, don't do that." He gave me a warning look, and I chuckled.

"Anyway. We ask each other questions for five minutes straight, and then at the end, well, we'd know more about each other."

"Usually a chick offers to play that game."

"Well, then I guess you're just too manly," he said, quickly coming in to kiss away my offensive side. "I'm only kidding. I just," he continued, pushing his hand through his hair, "we only have a short time, and I need to. . . know you, Bella. I want to get to know you, in more ways than one."

And there it was.

The inevitable.

My chest constricted, and I felt the burn behind my eyes, but I wouldn't taint the evening with my wrecked vulnerability. "I want the same thing," I said shakily. "Mom's name?" I asked, starting the game and diverting my attention.

"Esme," he answered. You?"

"Renee. I love the name Esme… It's unique and vintage," I said.

He smiled and replied, "Thanks."

"What does your mom do for a living?"

"She's in the model booking business."

"Your dad?" I prompted.

"He sells vintage cars, actually."

"That's…That's fucking cool," I said, impressed.

He laughed and asked, "What about your parents?"

My parents? Baggage.

"Um, my mom owns a book store in Port Angeles back home, and my dad is the Chief of Police," I answered, hoping it went no further than that.

"That's cool. What's the book store called? I might have heard of it."

Might have heard of it? "It's called Collected Works. You might have heard of it?" I was shocked. How cool would that have been? I quickly suppressed the squealing thirteen-year old I once was.

"I actually grew up in Seattle. My parents moved to Forks when I was off in L.A, starting out my career. My mom loves to read, so I usually picked up gifts for her at a local book store. I think that was the one. Did it have a big book in the middle of the two words?"

That was it. "Uh, yeah, it did."

"How…I mean, what if we had crossed paths, but never knew it?"

I smiled and sighed. "I'll tell my mom about that. She's a big fan."

He pointed towards himself. "A big fan of me?"

"Yes." I blushed with embarrassment.

"I like cougars," he stated, wiggling his eyebrows.

I punched the side of his arm and said, "Pig! Stay away from my mom," I said, laughing.

"Gladly, I want her daughter more."

"Prove it," I hedged, wiggling my eyebrows back at him.

"I plan to," he answered, bringing his face closer to mine. "Later," he continued, and then kissed me.

I was all hot and bothered for sure. More than anything, I wanted him—now. I threw caution to the wind and promised myself that if we were to do anything tonight, I wouldn't reject him. I wanted him—needed him. "I want you," I blurted out after he pulled away, and I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth.

He smirked and placed both his hands on either side of me on the booth seat and whispered against my lips, "I want you, too, but I want to know you first."

Fuck me.

"Thanks for the well-thought out rejection, Edward," I said, looking away from him.

"Rejection? Bella, I'm out on a date with you. If you'd like me to rip of your clothes and display your naked body on this booth's table for everybody to see, then I'll do it. But I'd like to have you all to myself. Don't think for one fucking second that I haven't thought about it."

"Too much cheese," I rushed out.

"I don't care if it's too much cheese, Bella. For fuck's sakes, I came all the way from England to prove to you that I do want you, and that I'm not going anywhere," he said firmly, looking right into my eyes. "You need to fucking understand that you're all I think about, you're all I care about, and you're all I'm focused on. Yeah, sure, I could be in England going to my scheduled appearances, but I'm here—with you. You need to stop thinking everything is so god damn cheesy and take a breath. It's not fucking science to understand that we want each other, and I sound like a pansy for having to say all this—a real tool—but I need you to understand that.

I don't just want to fuck and go. I want a relationship with you. Shit has happened in the past, and I'm not going to be foolish twice, Bella. Shame on me if I did," he sneered, backing away from me.

I took in his words—they were clearly cheesy. But in all honesty, I didn't care. We had been away from each other for three fucking months. I should be happy in knowing there was sexual tension. It meant we were headed in the right direction.

I nodded, letting him know I heard every single word, but didn't go on. What was said was said, and it was the fucking truth. "Favorite band?" I asked then, switching the topic.

He smiled and growled lightly in mock disappointment.

Edward used his backbone when he needed to. He was kick-ass.

"Kings of Leon, right now. You?"

"I have a few. The Black Keys, Joan Jett, The Shins, Interpol…And you," I said quickly, looking down and taking a bite of my special muffin.

He laughed out loud. "Me?"

"You have a beautiful voice, Edward. You should aspire to that," I said, looking at him seriously.

"I don't think so," he said hesitantly.

"Why?"

"Because…way before becoming a celebrity, I used to go to open mic nights and sing with my friends, but then once I got famous all that shit got leaked. It was like a slap in the face—it cheapened the meaning of the whole fucking thing," he spat, looking irritated.

"I'm sorry…"

"No. I'm sorry. I just…I don't take that too lightly. I miss hanging out with my friends and doing stupid stuff together. I miss going to the bars, playing music, going to open mic nights. All the simple things. I swear, Bella, don't get caught up in this mess if you don't have to," he stated, sighing.

"Too late, Edward." He snapped his head up to look at me, and his eyes were laced with concern. "And I wouldn't want to be caught up in anything else."

It was my turn to be cheesy.

"It means a lot to hear you say that, Bella."

I nodded. "If it means anything to you, I think that your voice is so beautiful it's heartbreaking."

He quirked his eyebrow and chuckled. "Thanks… I guess."

"Hey," I said. "Shit sucks, Edward, but you are a fucking strong man, and I know that deep down you're still that same guy. If you want to go out there and do a fucking open mic night, go do it. Don't worry about if anybody is going to record it and display it for the rest of us to see, don't worry that some people don't like it, just worry about the people who root for you, encourage you, support you, want to see you do well—they are what matters."

I gave myself goose bumps.

Edward nodded and took off my slouchy hat, placing it on mine instead. "You are going to make an amazing actress, Bella."

"I know," I replied, smiling.

"It's tough, though, you know, the criticism," he added.

I kissed the inside of his palm and licked it, trying to make him smile, and I succeeded. "Well, maybe I was made to do the cold walk of freedom."

He looked at my sideways. "Smart-ass."

After talking for a couple more hours, and getting to know each other, I found out that if Edward hadn't gotten into acting, he would've gotten into Politics. He lost a point for that. He had a dog, his favourite color was green, his middle name was Anthony, and his favourite movie was Pulp Fiction, as was mine. I just got to know all these amazing things about him.

It washed away all the celebrity skin that had gotten attached to him, and let me see him for who he really was. I always did, but I couldn't help but wonder what he was like when all of this vanished. Was he the same guy? Did he have a different outlook on life? Did he cry by himself, did he fight with his parents, did he make perverse jokes with his friends?

I was always intrigued and wanting to more about Edward. It was getting late, and we had to cut the night. The café made its last call, so we decided to head out.

"Did you bring your car?" I asked.

"No. I'm staying at Jasper's."

"Well, my truck is at work. We'll just go back and get it."

He nodded and grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly. "You're a very interesting person, Bella."

"Ha! You haven't seen anything yet. I don't know about you, but I feel I could learn some more about you."

"You could, and we will when I bring you on our second date," he said, smiling with pride.

Dickwrech.

"Do I have to wait three months for that date, too?" I said, instantly regretting it.

Lack of courtesy and verbal filters didn't get you very far.

I watched as Edward eyes saddened. "I'm sorry…" he said, sighing.

"I am. That was a dick move on my part, and I didn't mean to say that. It was meant to come out as a joke, but it's not joke worthy yet, being that we're still living in that moment."

"Intellect." He winked. "There is so much underneath you, Bella, and you should let more of it show."

"Nah. It gets old fast. I like to keep things simple. Like nursery rhymes."

"What the fuck is that supposed to even mean?" he said, laughing.

"Hell if I know….Hell if I know."

I heard Edward playfully growl, and the next thing I knew, I was over his shoulder, smacking his ass with every step he took. "Is that your nasty orange truck over there?"

"It's red."

I stepped through the door of my apartment, and held it open for Edward. I was a bit nervous because this was the first time Edward had ever seen my apartment. I kicked off my shoes and turned on the side lamp, making my way into the living room.

"You have a nice place," he said, looking around.

"Thanks…Um, take a seat or something. Do you want a beer?"

"Maybe later. That's so awesome. You have my movie posters framed and up on your wall."

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip in horror as my cover was blown. "For your information, it's one of your films. The other is Pulp Fiction and The Shining."

"It's cool."

"Thanks."

This was just getting awkward. I kept the T.V. off, knowing I still wanted some time alone, as well as keeping most of the lights off.

I scratched my head nervously, looking right at Edward. "You can take a seat."

He smiled and nodded, complying with my offer. "So, where's your roommate—Alice, is it?" he asked as I took a seat next him.

"Oh, she went crazy, so I had to put her down," I said, my face stoic.

He looked at me with shock for a few seconds before reality hit him. "You say the oddest things, Swan."

"I'm good like that."

"She's probably still with Jasper," he said, absentmindedly rubbing my back.

"She's with Jasper?" I questioned. I didn't remember her telling me of her plans to hang out with him.

"Well, when he dropped me off at your work, he said he was going to see her."

"Good. I'm glad. She needs…distraction." I took off my sweater, leaving me in my The Runaways T-shirt and adjusted myself on the couch. When I looked back at Edward, he was staring at me with heavy lidded eyes.

Lust—I probably had the same thing painted on my face.

He moved in closer to me, pushing the hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ears, moving his hand down until it settled on my neck. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath, extremely nervous for what—maybe—was about to come.

Whether it was the lack of lighting or the hemp tea and special baked good we had, I was feeling good—spacey. I knew I would go forward with Edward, not having to be drug induced to do so. But being high, it just...made things easier. It allowed us to be ourselves without our fucking nerves screwing things up for us.

Who needed them? In many cases, I liked being nervous, it showed that you truly cared about something, but right now, I didn't need them.

They weren't wanted here, where Edward and I were concerned.

"I feel like this isn't real," Edward admitted, watching me closely.

"It's all the pot we've ingested from the Café."

"Or it could be the fact that I have a beautiful woman who I'm head over heels about, sitting beside me."

"Or it could be that." I smiled. I got up on my knees and straddled Edward. I heard him grunt out, and he grabbed my ass, squeezing it gently. "You have to remember that I have a beautiful man who I'm head over heels about, sitting beside me, too," I said, leaning down and placing kisses along his jaw line.

I was frisky.

Edward moved his hands from cupping my ass, to my back, slipping under my shirt and grasping my body. I closed my eyes tight, trying hard to hold in my moan. I bit my lip and leaned my forehead on Edward's shoulder.

"You smell good," he whispered, kissing the crook of my neck.

I leaned back from him, and I could feel his hard on press against my center.

That was fucking hot.

Edward Cullen's boner—who wouldn't want to feel that pressing up against their crotch?

"Are you happy to see me or is that an Oscar in your pocket?" I said, cracking up.

We both laughed out loud in unison, but Edward quickly blushed, disguising it as he grabbed my face and kissed me with passion. I grabbed onto his shoulders and used them as leverage to angle myself to kiss him properly.

After a few minutes of nipping, kissing, and lip tugging, Edward stood up, holding me to his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around my waist, and he carried me to my room.

"Which one is it?" he whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I whispered into his ear. We both laughed out again. "Just keep going down the hall." I looked behind me to see where Edward was headed and said, "Okay, first room on your left. Beside the bathroom."

When I felt the coolness of my room and smelled my crappy candles, I knew we had finally made it. We had made it to the place where I wanted Edward the most—where I craved him the most.

He lay my back down on the bed, and continued hovering over me, my legs still wrapped around his waist. He leaned down and started kissing my neck, and instantly it sent shivers down my spine. He nipped and sucked on my jugular until he trailed down to my collarbone, nibbling the length of it.

I felt hot.

I was wet.

I ached for him.

"We—made—it," he said in between kisses.

"Yeah," I moaned out, "we made it."

I unravelled my legs from around him and grabbed the end of his shirt, tugging it up over his head. He smirked down at me, and I squirmed underneath him at the sight.

Beautiful, topless Edward Cullen.

I licked my lips and hummed with appreciation. I traced every inch of his toned stomach until I reached his pecs, and I lifted myself up, taking one of his nipples in my mouth.

He jerked back a bit and hissed, "Shit." Though my eyes were closed, I rolled them back from hearing the noises Edward was making. It made me all hot and bothered that I was the one doing this to him.

Edward pushed me back down on the bed, leaning back to undo his belt, and he took off his jeans, cursing. "What's wrong?" I asked, and he shook his head in irritation.

"I'll be back. Please, stay there."

Before I could say anything he was out of the room, and I watched the door until he arrived back. He held up a condom, and I sighed in relief.

I automatically thought he forgot he had to be somewhere and went to check his phone.

Bella Swan: Insecure.

He tossed the condom beside us, and directed his attention onto me, smiling at me devilishly. I sat up, knowing what he wanted to do, and he grabbed the ends of my T-shirt, pulling it off of me. He placed his knee on the mattress between my legs and pulled down my bra strap, leaving a trail of kisses from the crook of my neck until the end of my shoulder.

As he was doing so, I rubbed the sides of Edward's stomach and traveled to his back, pulling him closer to me. I wanted to feel his body against mine. I couldn't take the separation anymore. It had been too long, and I refused to wait for him to be completely mine. I wouldn't feel right until we did this.

Suddenly, Edward played with the clasps of my bra before it fell down onto my lap, leaving my upper body totally exposed to Edward. "You're beautiful, Bella," he said, his eyes heavy-lidded with lust.

I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him before saying, "I want you, Edward. No more holding back."

He nodded and let out a shaky breath. I lay down in front of him, unbuttoned my jeans and pulled down the zipper. I arched my back to allow him to take off my pants. Once he did, he didn't hesitate to take my underwear off as well. I sat up and grabbed the elastic of Edward's boxers, pushing them down, letting his hard cock bounce out, and he shuffled his feet to take them off completely.

I stared at it in amazement and licked my lips. Not only were his acting skills and face amazing, but his whole body was as well.

I grasped his shaft, and he moaned out. "No more holding back, Bella. Fuck…"

I pumped him a bit before placing my mouth on his tip. I teased him a bit by lightly clenching his head between my teeth.

His taste was drool worthy. "Edward, you taste so good," I said against his cock.

"Ungh, fuck," he muttered out, stroking my hair.

As I continued to jerk him off, I took half his cock into my mouth, sucked, licked and spit. I licked him once from top to bottom before taking all of him. I was taking him all in, and I felt him grab my nipples and pinch them. I moaned with him fully in my mouth, and he moaned out from the vibration.

Before I let him get too far gone, I stopped. I wiped my chin and licked my lips, smiling up at him. "That was amazing," he said.

I smirked. "We haven't even gotten to the best part yet."

I grabbed the condom from beside me and opened it up, sliding it on Edward's cock, never taking my eyes away from his.

"Let me fuck you, Bella," he pushed out, groaning. I lay down in front of him and spread my legs wide. Edward pushed his hand through his hair and mumbled, "Fucking beautiful," before hovering over me.

"I'll let you," I groaned out, feeling his body weight on top of me. "I'm so wet for you," I admitted.

"Fuck, I love when you talk like that. I'm so hard for you." He sucked on my tits for a bit, bringing his hand down to my pussy and rubbing my clit. As he pulled away, he slightly tapped my heat and leaned back, placing his dick at my entrance.

"No more waiting, Edward. Please, just shove it in," I begged, grabbing my headboard.

I was just waiting for someone to barge through my door and ruin this for us.

I watched as Edward grabbed his dick and pushed it in slightly. I gasped and arched my back as the moment I had been waiting for had finally come, and I was being stretched by Edward.

"Ooohh, fuck," I dragged out as I felt him fill me.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, you're so tight."

I bit my bottom lip and nodded, feeling completely full. Edward stopped for a moment, leaned down and wrapped his arms around me, grabbing my shoulders from behind before completely filling me.

"Ungh. Yes…fill me," I murmured.

"You feel so smooth, Bella," he whispered, kissing my neck. I arched my back, feeling Edward in places I only dreamed.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and grabbed onto his torso, bucking up with each thrust. They were slow and passionate, but soon became needy and wanting.

"Uh—uh—uh. Y-y-y-e-esss," I screamed as he pounded deep inside of me. "F-f-fuck your cock feels so good inside me."

"Take it." Edward was completely out of breath, and it was fucking hot to hear. "You like that, baby?"

"I love your cock," I admitted. He thrust into me, quick and fast. "Fuck, I can't take it," I said, the intensity becoming overwhelming.

It was fucking awesome.

"What did you just say?" he said, laughing. "Did I just hear you say you can't take it?" He continued to pound into me, and I cried out in pleasure.

"O-h-h-, p-please. Let—me—get—on—top—of—you," I said between his thrusts.

He pumped me a few more times before he grunted and leaned back away from me. He pulled out, and I immediately felt empty. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to him, kissing me harshly. "You make me feel. . .I don't have fucking words right now. You are amazing." He kissed me one last time before laying down on the bed, his dick eager and waiting.

"You're amazing, Cullen. You know how to fuck," I admitted, smiling. I grabbed hold of his dick and jerked it. I put my feet on either side of his body and positioned his cock to my entrance. "Ever have a chick reverse cowgirl you, Edward?"

"Uh, no…"

"Good."

Though I sounded seductive, I would have been jealous if he had said yes. It was bad enough to know he had been with other women—fucked them like he did me.

I closed my eyes and grabbed hold of my bearings. I placed my left hand on his thigh for leverage as I slid down his cock until he was fully inside me. "Shiiit," I cried, jutting my hips and twirling around on his cock.

"Ungh. That's it. That's it…Fuck, bounce on my cock, baby."

I leaned back and placed my hands on Edward's chest, sliding up and down on his thick shaft. "God, you're so big," I admitted. He was stretching me beyond belief. So good. "Jesus. Fuck. Yes," I let out after each bounce.

Edward grabbed my hips, meeting my every thrust. If he kept this up, I was going to cum all over his cock, but I wasn't ready to yet. I wanted more.

"Baby, turn around. I wanna see you fuck me," Edward said, smacking my hip.

I fell on top of him one more time and sighed. I was fucking exhausted from working his cock, but it was worth it. I got off and turned to face him. His hands were behind his head, and he was staring at me, his eyes filled with desire. I missed his lips on mine, so I crawled up the bed and kissed him.

He brought his weight on his elbows and reciprocated my movements. He grabbed the side of my face and traced his tongue along my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, so he could slide his tongue into mine, and they fought for dominance, seeking attention. I pulled away from him and gasped.

"You're intense, Edward."

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked, looking apologetic.

I giggled and rubbed my nose against his. "Not at all." I grabbed my hair and held it to the top of my head, fanning the back of my neck. I was sweating like crazy. As I was doing so, Edward sat up and kissed between my breasts, giving them attention.

Not wanting to delay anymore, I pushed Edward back and straddled him. As soon as I had him inside me, I grabbed his shoulders and rocked my hips back and forth. "Fuck, I'm so deep inside you," he mumbled out, his eyebrows furrowed. "You're so tight."

"You're so big," I shot back.

I rubbed my hands all over Edward's damp chest and continued to ride him. After a while of repetitive hopping on his cock, he grabbed my hips and pumped into me. "Unghhhh. God, you look so fucking good on top of me" He bit his bottom lip as he concentrated on his movements.

I threw my head back and screamed out. I was getting close. I could feel the tightening in my stomach, and my clit pulsate. "Edward—I'm—going—to—cum," I hollered out, clutching his forearms.

"Yeah…Cum all over of my cock, baby. Cum for me," he growled out.

Hearing him say that took me over the edge, and I milked my way into euphoria. "I'm cumming. Ungh. Fuuuck me!" I threw my head back once more and grabbed my tits as he continued to ram into me, and I rode out my orgasm. My legs were shaking, and I suddenly felt like I had gotten hit with a tranquilizer.

"That's it," Edward encouraged, and I continued to bounce on his dick, waiting for him to give me some of his brew.

"You cum for me now, Edward. Cum for me. I wanna taste you," I started, and he moaned. "I want you to cum in my mouth, baby."

His eyes shot open, and he stared at me as if I were absolutely crazy. "Oh, God. Get off. I'm gonna cum."

I quickly got off of him and kneeled down on the floor beside my bed. He jumped off the bed, ripped off the condom, and jerked his cock hard and fast. "Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Here it comes. Open your mouth." I complied happily, and stared at him as I watched his quivering breaths exhale, his eyebrows furrow, and his lips purse slightly. "Fuck. I'm cumming. Ungh. Shit!" he roared out, stepping closer to my mouth.

In seconds, his hot cum shot into my mouth, and I moaned out, desperately wanting to taste him.

I grabbed his cock then and cleaned off his head, sucking him dry. Once I cleaned him off, I swallowed, and Edward fell to his knees, kissing me.

Edward was, by far, my favourite food.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. Mind blowing," he mumbled.

I grabbed his hand and brought him back on the bed with me. We got under the covers and faced each other. Euphoria had us drunk.

"Mhm. That was. . .I wasn't expecting that," I admitted.

He stroked my cheek and smiled. "I usually don't sleep with the girl on the first date."

I kissed the inside of his wrist and said, "I'm not just any girl, Edward. I'm your girlfriend."

I looked at him, nervous about how he would take it, but he just nodded, saying, "And I'm your boyfriend, and I love you."

Nothing else in the world mattered anymore. He was the epitome of a real man, as I always knew.

"I love you, too, Edward. I love you, too."

And your cock.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**That, right there, is the way smut should be written. Wranchy and hot. I had to fan my face a few times writing that.**

**Did you see that one coming?**

**EPOV next chapter might overlap this one. Collected Works is my favourite book store, so it does exist.**


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